An interesting article on dealing with grief

[pavlosn]

https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/10668-the-one-thing-no-one-ever-says-about-grieving

Sent from my SM-G935F using Diabetes.co.uk Forum mobile app

 

[zand]

Thanks for this. Exactly what I needed to see at exactly the right time.

 

[DCUKMod]

https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/10668-the-one-thing-no-one-ever-says-about-grieving

Sent from my SM-G935F using Diabetes.co.uk Forum mobile app

I have a very good article, published in The Sunday Times the weekend after my mother died. It talks about the second, aged, parent dying, and the feelings surrounding becoming an adult orphan.

Whilst it isn't a hugely comfortable read, those I have shared it with have, without exception, said there are things in it that chime loudly for them - particularly the phrases people use in responding to your loss.

Grieving is a very complex process to be respected.

 

[JohnEGreen]

I'm sorry I'm filling up

When my mother died I was trying CPR fruitlessly. Gives me enormous pain just thinking about it.

Her last words to me were don't worry John I'm not dying you know, 10 minutes later she was gone.

I still get flash backs tears and guilt at not saving her.

 

[Kentoldlady1]

Oh john, that pain never really goes. My brother did cpr on our step father. He knows that nothing would have helped but he still feels he should have done more.
Its ridiculous, because our stepfather was a truly lovely man who would have been heartbroken to know that his death has caused my brother so much pain.
But we are not logical beings.

 

[JohnEGreen]

@Kentoldlady1 thank's and you are right it never goes away, It's been over twenty years now but I still relive it, now not every day but still quite often.

 

[zand]

@Kentoldlady1 thank's and you are right it never goes away, It's been over twenty years now but I still relive it, now not every day but still quite often.

You need to forgive yourself, because you did nothing wrong, maybe then the flashbacks will go away. While you feel guilty they are locked in and become part of you. There's nothing to feel guilty about. It was simply her time to leave you, and how good it must have been for her to have you there caring for her at the end.

 

[Lamont D]

I think I have already mentioned in one of my blogs that I watched my mother die in hospital.
My mother had suffered a second stroke and put her in a coma.
From this she had no chance of recovery.
Over the next ten days which I spent mostly by her side because of family commitments and holidays, and a reluctance from my other brother to spend more time in hospital, it was left to me to see to my mother.
The drips were turned off, meds withdrawn, breathing machine turned off and she was allowed to pass peacefully.
The funny thing about it all, was my other brother, was holidaying in Cyprus and my mother waited for him to return and within an hour of his arrival at the hospital, she died.
That was very dramatic, just sitting and watching and fussing over her.
Those ten days will never go away!
But I've worked through it, the grieving hits me on special days. But having lost than my fair share of close relatives in the past twenty years, as well as my best friend, and so many work colleagues. That I think I am a bit unlucky.
But that is the thing about big families and marrying into big families, you just can't get away from death. It's a part of life!

I needed something to get through a lot of my grieving, since I lost two brothers, my best friend, (42), my brother in law, (33) and my mother all within five years.
I found it on a long walk in the Lake District.
I rested by a small weir, and before I knew it, my brain decided it had had enough of moping around, and gave me the purpose in life to get on with living.
That was my grandchildren!
They are such a source of fulfilment and I'm proud of all of them.
Having sorted my personal health battles and what life had thrown at me, I decided I wanted to see my great grandkids and celebrate their lives.
Life in my opinion is worth the grieving and remember them and celebrate their love.

But I still don't get the religious side of funerals! It never did nothing for me!
I would rather grieve and let others grieve in their way.

How do you thank some entity for taking away the life of a cherished one in some tragic ways?

Best wishes.

 

[Geminigirl]

Grief is a very individual journey.

Our 23 yr old son died in our arms from an undiagnosed blood clot which went to his lung. He was gasping and saying "help me" then he was gone. The Paramedics tried everything but he was gone.

I spent the next year like a Zombie, honestly I did. I can remember very little about the run up to the funeral and the funeral itself. At his time of death I was absolutely hysterical and screaming then went quiet.

Four years ago when I found my mum passed away in her bed, a truly peaceful death, I was completely numb for days then "woke up" and was able to deal with the stuff you have to but six months later had the most terrible depression.

I am still grieving today and I am absolutely convinced the shock of my son's passing brought on most of my health problems, I am anxious a lot and I mean A LOT, I worry all the time and find decision making hard.

I know I left my Diabetes on the back boiler and I am now paying for it. I went through such dark times I didn't care anymore what it did.

Move the clock on and now it worries me all the time and I feel I have caused my current situation myself. I have had Counselling and CBT but the "light bulb" moment just is not happening.

I have moved on.....but still in limbo if that makes sense.?

I wish you well, remember it is an individual journey for everyone.