An Ode to the English Plural.

[WeeWillie]

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and there would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis, and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship...
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

 

[donnellysdogs]

Enjoyed that...

 

[WeeWillie]

Enjoyed that...

Great, thank you donnellysdogs.


:thumbup:

 

[janewatt]

Hello "Wee Willie"

Really good! Nice to see you put the early hours to good use.

Did you write it? I'd like to send it to a French student who's having trouble with English plurals.

I've a keen interest in reading and writing myself and it's so challenging to coach foreigners in our illogical language.

Thank you,

Jane.
P.S. Loved the vodka advice too!

 

[Squire Fulwood]

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;

There is, perhaps, one small quibble.

 

[WeeWillie]

Hello "Wee Willie"

Really good! Nice to see you put the early hours to good use.

Did you write it? I'd like to send it to a French student who's having trouble with English plurals.

I've a keen interest in reading and writing myself and it's so challenging to coach foreigners in our illogical language.

Thank you,

Jane.
P.S. Loved the vodka advice too!

Hi there Jane.

My sleeping pattern can be out of kilter at times, so I prefer to get up and use my PC rather than lying awake.....thus the later than the midnight hour.
I'm aware some people avoid the PC when they can't sleep, makes their mind too active, but I enjoy it.

I've had the "Ode to the English Plural". on file for some time however, I definitely did not write it myself. God, for some reason, decided not to bless me with an academic brain. Incidentally...academically, my wife can run circles round me.

However, I enjoy reading clever writings like that and admire the folks who've a brain capable of composing such a thing.

By all means send it to your French student, I'm pretty certain it would be a perfect learning exercise.

Hah, I'm pleased you enjoyed the "Vodka" post. :thumbup:
Thank you.

ww

 

[WeeWillie]

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;

There is, perhaps, one small quibble.

Quibble away dear chap, it's a while since I've had a quibble with a quibbler.

ww

 

[phoenix]

I think that an American has added a few verses . :lol:

The version I know was included as a salutary warning at the beginning of a book about teaching children with spelling 'problems'.

It finished with
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis, and shim!
So our English, I think you will agree,
Is the trickiest language you ever did see

The book also had this poem, quite a tongue twister to read aloud,


I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble but not you
On hiccough, thorough, slough and through.
Well done! And now you wish perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead, it's said like bed, not bead-
for goodness' sake don't call it 'deed'!
Watch out for meat and great and threat
(they rhyme with suite and straight and debt).

A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth, or brother,
And here is not a match for there,
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear,
And then there's doze and rose and lose-
Just look them up- and goose and choose,
And cork and work and card and ward
And font and front and word and sword,
And do and go and thwart and cart-
Come, I've hardly made a start!
A dreadful language? Man alive!
I'd learned to speak it when I was five!

 

[WeeWillie]

Yes you're correct phoenix....an American.

Love your salutary closing paragraph, kind of rolls of the tongue.

Aaand your tongue twister, hah, what can I say.
Well, definitely worth trying....and trying... and trying. :lol:

I like it though, I must have my grandchildren give it a go
All ten of them trying as one voice lol.

Thank you. :wave:

weewillie