And......... Another battle........... And more!

[Lamont D]

Well, there I was trying my damnest to get my health sorted. When...
I was already having counselling (again, third series) when it was suggested that I needed my annual review, even though I wasn't diagnosed with anything other than RH. The new GP had me in and wanted my meds sorted, my bloods done, annual foot check and anything else they could come up with, which included my situation as a carer.
What I hadn't admitted to before I got my results was that once again, my objectivity with my dietary regime was getting derailed, in small amounts nothing that I thought the drug I was taking for insurance to stop the hypos, which BTW, I have lost my sensitivity to the blood rollercoaster with no symptoms at all! My fasting levels were nominally normal, just about!
I had no inkling of what was occurring, I just didn't know!
Meanwhile, my wife has had her appointment, it is first stages of demensia, her T2 is no better or worse but the pain meds are not as potent and the pain she is experiencing, means that, she may have to have more restrictions on her movements or her ability to be able to be mobile about the house.
I have found it difficult to look after myself, which is what this post about my own ability to care for her has now become limited.
I have been struggling with my arthritis and it is now not only hands, neck, lower back but is now affecting my sciatic nerves, my nervous system pressure points are so sensitive and one in my neck, from a previous accident, is so debilitating, it even causes my feelings to drop into a low mood.
So even the walking I was doing to help me keep fitter, has now become so low, that it isn't worth the pain.
My hba1c levels are now on the cusp of diabetic levels (42) I was shocked and disturbed. I was delusional, angry, fooling myself. I think I knew deep down that I needed to know what was happening.
What else was going on?
My liver and kidneys results were really up, my cholesterol was also up. One of the reasoning behind this was the part that the meds which I was taking with the Sitagliptin, the Gabepentin, irbesarten, aspirin and the Omeprezole, and the eighteen months, I was on sertraline has to be considered. Was a cocktail mixture which exacerbated everything.
Referrals to physio, to skeletal, to neurology, second meds review in a week. all meds, now stopped.
Have had a really bad telling off from my doctor my wife and family, which has resulted in my now strict dietary regime again and so far, so good, no carbs at all and I'm seeing the difference within a few days. My yearly diabetic eye review, was good, indeed, the quick eye test, was better, the forming cataracts, which I was worried about, has decreased. The photos on screen showed no deterioration.

My anxiety levels are back to the time during covid.
I won't go into details about that but it does seem, that this news on top of everything else lately. And the lack of help despite intervention is very slow, if it comes. It doesn't surprise me at all.
I am in constant pain, all over my body. And I'm restricted to only one dose of paracetamol a day.
The limitation of taking meds, has now being investigated.
I can't help but feel trapped. I am struggling to get up in the morning, even sitting in the garden and reading, my brain just won't settle, I need to do things but it's piling up again! So frustrating!

These battles won't beat me. I am aiming to get my hba1c and fasting levels back to normal, I'm doing one meal a day and nothing but black tea and water. I need the physio more than anything at the moment.

I am not looking for advice. I am not looking for answers. I know how generous the people are on here. I know there are others that deserve help more than us. I have started another journey as I approach seventy. This post has been a whole seven days to get to here. Self doubt, confidence and a spell away from answering posts, has helped me to do this.
I will still be around, but I must confess, that truly I am scared of my situation.
And worried so much about my wife!

Best wishes, keep safe.

 

[Antje77]

Dear Lamont D, I'm so sorry that life keeps throwing you curve balls like this. It's a bit much to deal with, especially after the past years where you worked so hard and mostly managed to not let life beat you!

To my thinking, your hba1c of 42, not on the cusp of diabetic levels but only right on the threshold between normal and prediabetes, shouldn't be your main focus. If you can keep your RH in check so you can function, I think the other issues on your path are much more of a priority, especially the care of your wife and your own pain management.

Sending you a very big virtual hug!

 

[MrsA2]

Please @Lamont D , stop being so hard on yourself.
Looking after a long term poorly loved one ("caring") is exhausting both mentally and physically, even when one doesn't have underlying health issues of one's own.
And I'm not surprised some not so good results would make you feel down. In your situation it would be usual for anyone to be near the edge all the time and such news cause a wobble.
I am pleased you are in receipt of counselling. Maybe that can help you see that you are doing what you can in very very difficult circumstances. You need a medal, and practical support, not to be hard on yourself.
Sending hugs and good vibes... wishing I could do more

 

[Lamont D]

First of all, thanks to everyone who has sent me hugs and best wishes. I do truly appreciate them and reading the couple of posts have been gratifying and gracious, there is quite a lot of truth there. I am hard on myself, but I have always had to be, it's in my DNA, and it is a sense of purpose that I can be aware of my determination to not be deprived of being comfortable in our later life. I can't help it!
I think what I have realised is that the threat of going diabetic had been a light bulb moment of clarity, that everything is not right and the realisation of my way forward.
I have not taken any meds for a few days and already the clarity that I have mentioned, has got me planning our meals, shopping and needs for the next week but I do still find myself looking to paracetamol to help with standing pain. Or the chores that I have to do. Or the walking to the nearby shop, where the heatwave has blown the fridges!!!!!!! Am currently sitting in my garden resting on this beautiful evening, where it is still very warm.
Mid 90's Farenheit every day this week! It's a sun trap! And I have tried to enjoy it as much as possible, the wife has joined me.
We went to see her doctor this afternoon, and the number of tests already in the pipeline has had a positive impact on me since, she was so upset with me, and it was very hard for both of us. She didn't want to be there and broke down in tears, I had to use everything I could to be supportive to be there for her to help her understand what she is going through and what it is doing to me. A small dosage of anti depressants has been prescribed to see if it is of any help with her cocktail of pain meds etc.
It was established that one of the root causes is depression, anxiety and the realisation that she has never got over her grief, from many members of hers and mine immediate close family. She needs grief counselling and my intention is to get it. However there is a waiting list. A long one!
I'm using my counselling and have realised certain aspects of my own anxiety and even though I have worked through them, the residual anger as certain circumstances and my breakdown with the new circumstances have exacerbated my low moods. I know my next few years are going to be as tough as the last three and if I am to have any happiness at all, getting both of us, in a better frame of mind will fulfil some of our hopes.

I am truly thankful that I have the opportunity to post on this great forum.
I hope that I never outstay my welcome!
Bless you all!

 

[JoKalsbeek]

First of all, thanks to everyone who has sent me hugs and best wishes. I do truly appreciate them and reading the couple of posts have been gratifying and gracious, there is quite a lot of truth there. I am hard on myself, but I have always had to be, it's in my DNA, and it is a sense of purpose that I can be aware of my determination to not be deprived of being comfortable in our later life. I can't help it!
I think what I have realised is that the threat of going diabetic had been a light bulb moment of clarity, that everything is not right and the realisation of my way forward.
I have not taken any meds for a few days and already the clarity that I have mentioned, has got me planning our meals, shopping and needs for the next week but I do still find myself looking to paracetamol to help with standing pain. Or the chores that I have to do. Or the walking to the nearby shop, where the heatwave has blown the fridges!!!!!!! Am currently sitting in my garden resting on this beautiful evening, where it is still very warm.
Mid 90's Farenheit every day this week! It's a sun trap! And I have tried to enjoy it as much as possible, the wife has joined me.
We went to see her doctor this afternoon, and the number of tests already in the pipeline has had a positive impact on me since, she was so upset with me, and it was very hard for both of us. She didn't want to be there and broke down in tears, I had to use everything I could to be supportive to be there for her to help her understand what she is going through and what it is doing to me. A small dosage of anti depressants has been prescribed to see if it is of any help with her cocktail of pain meds etc.
It was established that one of the root causes is depression, anxiety and the realisation that she has never got over her grief, from many members of hers and mine immediate close family. She needs grief counselling and my intention is to get it. However there is a waiting list. A long one!
I'm using my counselling and have realised certain aspects of my own anxiety and even though I have worked through them, the residual anger as certain circumstances and my breakdown with the new circumstances have exacerbated my low moods. I know my next few years are going to be as tough as the last three and if I am to have any happiness at all, getting both of us, in a better frame of mind will fulfil some of our hopes.

I am truly thankful that I have the opportunity to post on this great forum.
I hope that I never outstay my welcome!
Bless you all!

I wish there was something we could do, but I realise there really is next to nothing. Please, do show yourself some kindness in all this. If life's kicking you around, you don't need to join in for some extra kicks. You're working on all of it, and it's a lot. That's the best you can do.

Hugs,
Jo