Burn out, anxiety and stress

I'm really sorry to hear you're having a tough time of it. You have worked really hard and have some amazing results behind you. Are you able to make an appointment with your diabetes nurse for some ongoing support? I can contact mine every day if needs be. Also, could you ask if you qualify for a CGM or self-fund a CGM for a month to take the pressure off finger testing and have the data for your nurse and consultant to come up with workable suggestions to help you get back on track? GP's are good for talking about stress. Mine thought that I was so stressed from starting insulin, it was causing hyposensitivity making every injection hurt. I have self-referred to Talking Space-Plus to try to sort through some of my anxiety issues with a type 1 diagnosis.

I think at some point a lot of us will get burn out. But depression is really common with diabetes. And if you have let your sugars go up, depression usually gets worse. Call and talk to your GP and tell them so they can make some suggestions like @ert said.

Oh darling - burnout is common and the high levels fuel depression. Three children will also leave you with kitty time for yourself.
Yes, contact your team. And try to make a commitment to test and inject at least once a day.
Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel or is he just feeling rejected?

Cheer up, you posting here is first step to prove that you are go getter and you are not going to let yourself down.
There are always ups and down in life and challenges can only be countered by raising to occasion and channelizing resources.
Lets start building it up again, by getting in touch with GP and let them examine and talk to them so that they can make some suggestions. See if you can get hold of CGM, that would be of great help.

Do talk to your husband to, let him know whats disturbing you, together you two can for sure workout the best for each other.
Be happy and spread happiness, rest of the things will fall in line

@JohnyT2 depression is not as simple as telling someone to cheer up, they literally cannot just perk up. With T1 not taking insulin compounds this.

JohnyT2 said:

Cheer up, you posting here is first step to prove that you are go getter and you are not going to let yourself down.
There are always ups and down in life and challenges can only be countered by raising to occasion and channelizing resources.
Lets start building it up again, by getting in touch with GP and let them examine and talk to them so that they can make some suggestions. See if you can get hold of CGM, that would be of great help.

Do talk to your husband to, let him know whats disturbing you, together you two can for sure workout the best for each other.
Be happy and spread happiness, rest of the things will fall in line

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Depression can be a dark, dark place, that many of us visit, but not a place we want to be permanent members.
The daily grind of type 1 can be quite over whelming at times, but with the right help and support, things will hopefully be a bit brighter.

Diabeticmumof2 said:

Hello everyone,

I need some help and advice. I was doing really well a couple of months ago and reduced my hba1c to an acceptable level and even made my diabetes specialist really proud.

I haven't tested my blood sugars for just over a month now... I feel absolutely awful and so guilty about it and I know that I need to do it too. I have terrible anxiety about it. Every time I test I get a sense of failure. I recently got married but it was so overwhelmingly stressful I think I shut down and disassociate from every thing going on around me.

I worry all the time about my kids too. I had an 8 week old that almost passed away from sepsis 3 years ago and I remember falling in the road when he was in a carrier. I still get flash backs from it to this day.

The other thing that is driving me nuts is the constant picking on myself that I do every day. I'm not a size 10 anymore but I can't stop grabbing parts of my body or touching my face and just tearing myself down all the time.

In particular I haven't been able to be intimate with my husband for months now and it's taking a toll on him too.

I'm a bit lost as of what to do. It doesn't feel like I'm living my life anymore... like I'm talking about someone else.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Where do I go from here?

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Hi, you have some nice supportive replies and I hope you will get the proper help and support to get you out of your dark place, so your GP or DSN will be the port of call.
I wish you all the colour's of the rainbow, except blue and sending you a ((((( BIG HUG ))))) x

Hi there @Diabeticmumof2, I always think that with depression it is a matter of getting to the root cause and (if necessary) getting the right medication and therapy for it. How can anyone simply 'pull themselves out of it' or think of all the good things they have going for them as if this helps. It is a medical condition the same as your diabetes and it needs treating. If you are able to do this (step one is admitting you need support for your mental health and going to the Drs for it), then the rest might just follow. Once your mindset is ok then the rest, ie your diabetes management, your anxiety over your children and your relationship with your husband might also get better. Please don't think this is something you have done to yourself, if you had a broken leg would you just leave it festering? Of course you wouldn't so be kind to yourself and get some professional help. As someone with diabetes sometimes everything is attributed to that which is not always the case but when other things go wrong, diabetes management can be the first to go and this adds to the whole picture and makes things a whole lot more complicated if not dangerous. x

Hello, sending you a big ol’ hug! I just wanted to say you are a stong mummy with a beautiful family. It must have taken some strength in you to talk to us. What you are experiencing is very common among us. I would like to add that mental health and depression is a difficult balancing act. Not testing does indeed fuel depression and combining it with everything else. If you get help for your mental health, with the right therapy and if you decide to go for medication it might help with your mindset towards diabetes and everything else. However diabetes still needs its testing and management. I wouldn’t call it a failure if you tested your glucose. Diabetes is always a learning curve and it is asking for some TLC from you.
While CGM might be difficult to get, if your diabetes team offer you a libre sensor which is a FGM, you’ll need to scan to get a result. But a libre does make our lives a bit easier, scan and off you go. Once you got everything going, you can then focus on your body and other parts of you that need love. So do get on the phone to your doctor and diabetes team. You are not alone and we are with you on every step of the way.

Diabeticmumof2 said:

Thank you all for replying!! The one thing I do do is to take my insulin because I honestly would have been in a hospital by now... and I just can't do that because of my family. The problem for me is the fact I have these feelings about myself and it's a vicious cycle. It's the testing, feeling like I've failed having to take larger amounts of insulin then waiting for it to settle having to walk it down. My coping mechanism is to ignore what is bothering me and in turn ignore diabetes. I plough through and get on with it, that's not working for me. People think everything's fine, I got married I've had two children, I work. My anxiety makes me think about scenarios where people in my family die and what would happen.. as if it would really happen!. It's a strange place to be. Unfortunately I'm the last person to say I'm not doing well so this is going to be hard.

It sounds silly to think that going to the Dr and the DSN is something that will be hard... My husband is fantastic but it's been so many years that I've dealt with diabetes he leaves me to it... Unless someone saw me inject or test (which I'm so quick at doing no one notices) you wouldn't know I had diabetes.

Everyone is right I really just HAVE to sort this out.

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Hi there, I would also say involve your lovely husband, he probably thinks it's all about the diabetes and perhaps doesn't understand about your anxiety with other things too, go to the Drs together, you might find his support is valuable. The very best of luck to you love. x

Diabeticmumof2 said:

Thank you all for replying!! The one thing I do do is to take my insulin because I honestly would have been in a hospital by now... and I just can't do that because of my family. The problem for me is the fact I have these feelings about myself and it's a vicious cycle. It's the testing, feeling like I've failed having to take larger amounts of insulin then waiting for it to settle having to walk it down. My coping mechanism is to ignore what is bothering me and in turn ignore diabetes. I plough through and get on with it, that's not working for me. People think everything's fine, I got married I've had two children, I work. My anxiety makes me think about scenarios where people in my family die and what would happen.. as if it would really happen!. It's a strange place to be. Unfortunately I'm the last person to say I'm not doing well so this is going to be hard.

It sounds silly to think that going to the Dr and the DSN is something that will be hard... My husband is fantastic but it's been so many years that I've dealt with diabetes he leaves me to it... Unless someone saw me inject or test (which I'm so quick at doing no one notices) you wouldn't know I had diabetes.

Everyone is right I really just HAVE to sort this out.

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Insulin is different for each person, it doesn’t define you because we are all unique. Whatever works for you right? We could all eat the same meal and be on different levels of insulin for it. Our diabetes team and doctors have dealt with so many similar scenarios, they would be more than happy to patch you up than leave facing the dangers of diabetes. I tend to find my dsn easier to talk to than my consultant. Your husbands sounds lovely, maybe he can hold your hand while you are trying to get help from your team.

Diabeticmumof2 said:

Hello everyone,

I need some help and advice. I was doing really well a couple of months ago and reduced my hba1c to an acceptable level and even made my diabetes specialist really proud.

I haven't tested my blood sugars for just over a month now... I feel absolutely awful and so guilty about it and I know that I need to do it too. I have terrible anxiety about it. Every time I test I get a sense of failure. I recently got married but it was so overwhelmingly stressful I think I shut down and disassociate from every thing going on around me.

I worry all the time about my kids too. I had an 8 week old that almost passed away from sepsis 3 years ago and I remember falling in the road when he was in a carrier. I still get flash backs from it to this day.

The other thing that is driving me nuts is the constant picking on myself that I do every day. I'm not a size 10 anymore but I can't stop grabbing parts of my body or touching my face and just tearing myself down all the time.

In particular I haven't been able to be intimate with my husband for months now and it's taking a toll on him too.

I'm a bit lost as of what to do. It doesn't feel like I'm living my life anymore... like I'm talking about someone else.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Where do I go from here?

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Hello lovely, all really good advice that’s been given. It’s hard isn’t it? I’m newly diagnosed and feel in a similar position. But I think approaching the team and getting some support sounds like the best idea. Maybe that will help to make things seem a little less overwhelming and help with the anxiety. I think it’s good that you’re able to recognise you’re not in a good place and reach out, that’s the first step isn’t it, so well done for that

Diabeticmumof2 said:

Thank you for your response!

I feel a bit adrift at the moment. I really should reach out to the team as I am sure they would appreciate it. I'm holding myself back I think because this feeling of guilt and failure that is lingering. In the end it only makes things worse. I will push forward and get in contact with them tomorrow, seeing as I have an appointment coming up soon it would be best to air my problems out beforehand.

Do you find therapies are working for you? I really want to help myself now which is the first step to feeling better.

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Type 2 here, but intimately familiar with depression. For one thing: your pancreas isn't working. That is NOT your fault, and no failing is involved whatsoever. Would you call another T1 a failure for needing to inject more some days than others? Secondly, depression and anxiety are medical conditions, just like any other. I know my brain isn't wired right (or rather, there's a chemical imbalance), and while I can't fix that due to the side effects of the medication, I'm know I'm a freak and for other people things wouldn't get so severe: It could well be that for you, those meds could change your outlook on life entirely! (Amitriptyline worked wonders until I had to stop.). You don't have to feel the way that you do. Therapy could help too... It's time to start taking care of you. Because you're worth it. And do involve your spouse... For all you know he thinks you've gone off him entirely, rather than there being something else bothering you. It helps to know what your other half is going through. He could be supportive, if he'd just know what was going on.

You might want to pick up Jenny Lawson's Let's Pretend This Never Happened and Furiously Happy. You might read some stuff in there that'll ring true for you too. And it just might make you laugh in spite of yourself. I know that's what Jenny does for me.

Good luck,
Jo

You sound like your struggling a bit with some emotional issues.
As you have discovered posting on this forum expressing how you feel can help, talking is another way of expressing your emotional self and some counselling could possibly help even more.

I found that after having been given a type 2 diabetic diagnosis, it takes a while to deal with it internally, as a therapist I know that people can become depressed after such a diagnosis, or at least they can take some time to come to terms with it, I am still dealing with it both physically and emotionally like many others, although I am not depressed and I feel OK, I did have to make some changes both to my life style and work through it emotionally.

Don't forget that therapy (counselling) can help sort out whats really bothering you, when you said "I still get flash backs from it to this day", I have to say that your reaction sounds like it could be PTSD, a very common reaction to shock or a traumatic experience, there are also lots of indicators in your post to suggest that some counselling may help you deal with your low self-esteem and in turn that could possibly help your depression and anxiety.

Don't forget the progress you have made is wonderful, it deserves recognition, and if it does get difficult for you now and then, just remember not to isolate yourself, talk about it, express it, don't suffer in silence.

When you next see your Doctor ask if he/she can set up some counselling for you.