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Confronting a relative about their care

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paul1873

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Hi

I haven’t posted here before so hello everyone!

I’m hoping to receive some advice with a situation which is bothering me greatly. I’ve an aunt in her 70s that has diabetes, for some 30 years. I stayed with her over xmas and we went to a fast food place. I was impressed they printed the dietary stats on their packaging (might be a few years since I did the burger thing). I asked her how many carbohydrates she thought were in her meal. After some banter she came out with 800. Shocked by how wrong she was, I asked her how many carbohydrates were in a slice a bread, then an apple, then eggs and then cheese. She didn’t know and was being devious about all her answers (what bread she asked etc.) Isn’t this terrible?

She’s lived with diabetes for years and doesn’t know whether eggs or bread contain more carbohydrates. I’ve had diabetes since I was 11 and I always think about my diet intake, it’s very normal to me. We changed the conversation but it’s being bothering me since.

I’m not sure if I’m overreacting. I don’t know recent trends in diabetic care. I haven’t been to a diabetic clinic for at least 10 years. I find them a waste of time. I get my eyes checked all the time and see a nurse at my GPs each year that I have a lot of respect for. I guess I’ve always felt I could look after myself better. But not knowing basic food types carbohydrates ...

Is it ludicrous that my aunt does not know eggs or cheese doesn’t contain carbohydrates and that bread does? Would you address this issue? She is the only one alive from her generation in my family. She’s obese and struggles to walk. I’m really not sure whether it’s best to confront her or ignore this issue.

I’d appreciate any thoughts.
Paul
 
Difficult one Paul. Welcome to the forum BTW.

If your aunt has been diabetic for 30 years and is still relatively healthy then she must have been doing something right.

Do you actually know what her daily diet is like ? She may be eating quite well. Is she on medication ?

She may not like to be 'told' all about what she should be eating/not eating !

You may however, try talking about how you control your diabetes and see if she responds to any of that.

That generation do not usually take kindly to us young whippersnappers telling them anything ! :D

You could also try 'leaving' a book lying around about diabetes, may work ?
 
She's had it for 30 years.... She's not doing too badly.

Why do you assume that your way is better? Maybe she eats similar things all the time, is happy with that, and knows all the medications she needs for those foods?

If you're concerned, try sharing articles with her, especially about cures, new treatments etc, as a point of common interest, rather than a point of 'you can't take care of yourself'.

If you haven't been to a clinic for 10 years.... well that's not exactly great for you either.
 
Two questions that you need to ask yourself..

1, Has auntie asked for your help?
2, Are you the best person to be giving her diabetic advice?

The problem her is, that like you she has managed her diabetes for 30 years and seems to have done pretty reasonably well from it, there are many non-diabetic 70plus year olds, who are also oeverweight and have difficulty walking age generally doesn't come on it's own, bringing some unwanted mates with it, such as arthritis, dodgy knee's hips etc..

You mention that you decided 10 years ago, to dump the diabetic clinic and pay a yearly visit to your GP and nurse, so depending on there abilities and experience in diabetic control, you actually do not know how well you are doing.. A bit rich suggesting some-else's methods are not right when you may not be..
 
Hi Paul,

you have a precious aunt who you care for and have genuine concerns that she could take a different approach to her diabetes care, thus ensuring that you and your family have her loving companionship for as long as her health permits?. Sounds laudible to me, so not sure why others are undermining your right to coach and support your aunt based on what they perceive as your own diabetic management shortcomings.
My advice would be to try to get to know better how your aunt is managing her diabetes and once you better understand, then simply support her by showing an interest and offering her the benefits of your own awareness.

All the best Steve.
 
hiya, my mum has been a diabetic for 10 years plus, my nan for over 20 and neither have been taught to count carbs. They have been told to check the sugar in prodcuts but not carbs
 
viks said:
hiya, my mum has been a diabetic for 10 years plus, my nan for over 20 and neither have been taught to count carbs. They have been told to check the sugar in prodcuts but not carbs
Click to expand...


That seems typical for many Diabetics, however carbohydrates convert 100% to glucose when ingested. You should always look at the total carb content on UK labels, they INCLUDE sugars.
Only reading sugars misses out the much larger glucose content when you have carbs ! That makes a huge difference.
 
Paul - sounds like she has confused calories (actually kilocalories, but always called calories) with carbohydrate (grams) - 800 is about right for a burger. However, as "she's obese and struggles to walk" some weight loss would probably bring her some benefits. Depends on your relationship, level of knowledge of her medical history, geography etc whether you or someone else is best placed to help your aunt - local GP is likely to know most about both her medical history & local services, so perhaps worth saying something like "Have you asked your GP recently about services / facilities for people with diabetes? They might be able to suggest changes to your medication, diet, activity etc to make life a bit easier."
 
Sounds as if the danger is her becoming unable to walk, & an obese person in a wheel-chair causes problems for others as well as herself.

Can you ask her for advice so that she thinks about her own condition & doesn't think you are talking at her? Can you chat about your own positive experience with diet, & so impart useful info unobtrusively?
 
Thanks for all the replies

>copepod said
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>sounds like she has confused calories (actually kilocalories, but always called calories) with carbohydrate (grams) - 800 is about right for a burger
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Yes you’re right. She said she’d got them confused and I know she does look at calories.


>sugarless sue said
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>Do you actually know what her daily diet is like ? She may be eating quite well.
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Unsure what to say. She knows what is good so her diet is good … AFAIK.

----------8<---------
Is she on medication ?
----------8<---------
>Yes 4 injections daily (same as me).


>jopar said
----------8<---------
>there are many non-diabetic 70plus year olds, who are also oeverweight and have difficulty walking age generally doesn't come on it's own, bringing some unwanted mates with it, such as arthritis, dodgy knee's hips etc..
----------8<---------
She had a hip replacement last year after a fall. This has been really bad as I’m sure it stops her being able to do as much exercise as she’s always done.


>viks said
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>hiya, my mum has been a diabetic for 10 years plus, my nan for over 20 and neither have been taught to count carbs. They have been told to check the sugar in prodcuts but not carbs
----------8<---------
I know she’s been taught to count carbs. About the same time as me. She is type 2, diagnosed about 30 years ago. I few years later I was diagnosed as type 1. I’m not sure when she started injecting (I know it was after me). We spoke about counting carbs and so I thought she did it 'automatically' like I do. She was also a nurse and my impression is they have some training on diabetic care and know what foods contain carbs. Maybe I’m wrong.

I don’t want to hijack my own thread so I’ll address some other comments in another post which I’m interested in.

Anway thanks for the advice. She hasn’t asked me for any and I’ll pick an appropriate time to take a soft approach. I’m also refraining from disclosing this to the rest of my family. As others have said, a lecturing approach is probably not best.

Paul
 
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