Dave Knows Everyone

Ojustaboo

Well-Known Member
Messages
102
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Insulin
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I'll know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff,

"OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"

"No drama's boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening?!? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"

Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells him that he thinks Dave's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.

"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Dave. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Dave says,
"This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,

"Who the hecks that on the balcony with Dave?"
 

MangosteenElbow

Active Member
Messages
40
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Pump
A long long time ago I read a version of this with an Australian soldier in WW I in the role of Dave.

Bet there was a similar version with a Roman pleb up with the Pharo of the time.
 
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Robbity

Expert
Messages
6,683
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
A long long time ago I read a version of this with an Australian soldier in WW I in the role of Dave.

Bet there was a similar version with a Roman pleb up with the Pharo of the time.
I've also come across Dave and the Pope previously but can't remember how close it was to this current version, which still made me smile!
 

Crocodile

Well-Known Member
Messages
683
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Dislikes
I can't have it often
There's on old drunk sitting on the train reading his paper when a priest walks in and sits opposite. The old soak peers over his paper.
"Father, what cause arthritis ?"
The Godly fellow couldn't resist the opportunity.
"My Son, drink and sins of the flesh"
The old drunk thanks him and goes back to reading his paper.
The priest out of curiosity asks.
"Tell me my son, how long have you had this affliction ?"
The drunk replies,
"Sorry Father, I haven't. I was just readin' here in the paper that the pope has it."