DENIAL

[dannychillman94]

( BEFORE YOU READ THIS I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS A QUESTION OR JUST A STATEMENT OR WHATEVER IT IS I JUST NEED TO SAY THIS TO SOMEONE AFTER 11 YEARS OF NOT EXPRESSING MY CONDITION TO ANYONE , NOT MY FAMILY NOT EVEN MY CLOSEST FRIENDS, NOW I NEED TO CHANGE, IF YOU ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME LIFESTYLES ETC HIT ME UP BLESSSSSS )


Hello Diabetes community basically this will be the first and last time i have ever asked for advice , just had an epiphany last night (sort of) and realised i been a diabetic for 11 years on a cloud of denial. During my years of having this condition which i tell myself i haven't got, i have been getting up to your normal teenage activities doing drugs, drinking and getting wired basically just as much as your average guy if not even more , probably allot more than your average guy actually ,because where we grew up in little drug fuelled Hereford it has always been part of what we do and i started really early , say about 14 using drugs ,and drinking since earlier even. Having had many many admissions to A&E with Blood levels and ketones through the roof i have been admitted plenty of times, have been very close to a heart attack as well when i was 15, but each time i leave thinking i have learnt my lesson but i go back to the same ways pretty much the very day i get let out the hospital ward going straight to the shops for a 2 litre coca cola (was crazy addicted to fizzy drinks , seeing as the higher you get the more thirsty you are its a deadly cycle see), delving into temptations again. I have never got into the habit of testing my blood sugars and haven't had a week straight of doing it every day maybe since i first got diabetes 11 years ago. so basically i just go by how i feel and take my meds by guessing how high i am and guessing how much to take as i don't even know how to count carbs which should be the basics of having this condition. Type 1 with a sweet tooth addicted to Sweet **** food, drinking like any normal guy doing drugs like any average joe (but probably more than your normal Joe) and I've completely forgot what it feels like to feel normal (Or atlas as normal as you can feel)(Healthy) as i remember always being very active before getting the condition when i was 11, since then i have become more lazy and lethargic and my attitude stinks sometimes. I just can't seem to get it in my mind that i CANT be like all my other mates so i tell myself day to day that i can do whatever they do, intact most of my mates don't even know I'm a diabetic till I'm feeling **** and i pull out my epi pen , the amount of times i have had the classic "i would have never known" haha and i know its ******* me up now gotta change my ways and maybe you do too if your reading this and this sounds very familiar as I'm sure there are other like me even though it does feel like I'm on my own in this little world i live in, my visions getting worse by the year and my left leg goes numb with pins and needles allot of the time, does anybody know if thats a sign?. I have been out the loop at the diabetic clinic for almost 8 years now but i have called them today and scheduled a meeting on Monday to re learn the basics , see a dietician and get my eyes checked....FINALLY ,in fact I'm wired right now, up since last night which is probably the only reason I'm up still writing this looking for some one who might have been through what i am going through and i can just talk to basically got some questions to ask as i don't know a single type 1 diabetic and never have, am i basically ****** or have you maybe turned your life around and feel allot better for it? (apologies for my honesty as it might sound rude know)

(And i know the Awnsers to my questions basically just do it , go sort yourself out and stick with it or else it is YOU that suffers, i know but for me its not that black and white and i just thought i should get this out and maybe i can get inspired off a brutally honest reply or something , **** knows i need some sleep )

 

[philchap1]

It sounds as if you're ready to make the changes to your life but you will need a lot of help, be as honest with the diabetic team as you have been on here and hopefully you can start on the road to a better way of life, let's hope you haven't done to much damage and a full examination will reveal what complications you have or don't have, if you act now you may save yourself from further damage but as you know your destiny is in your hands, hopefully you can sought your problems and addictions out and live a fairly normal life, so go for it you've got nothing to lose, good luck.

 

[mrspuddleduck]

Hi @dannychillman94 , a really big welcome! It's taken huge guts to post a 'confessional' on here, but I for one (and I know many others on here) will be chuffed that you have decided it's time to get sorted! . There are plenty of people on here who will relate to your situation in one way or another and believe me, none of us have 'done' diabetes perfectly! My first suggestion (For what's its worth) is go to your appointment on Monday, you may get the disapproval, the lecture, the 'looks' (but you may not), but whatever happens, take a big breath take everything they give you to help you start getting sorted and then come back here and tell us what they said, rant if you need to, and ask absolutely anything you need to. That's basically what the rest if us do!! good to meet you Danny, Sue x

 

[ewelina]

Welcome to the forum Danny Take one step at the time and don't try to change everything at once. Maybe start with testing in the morning, before breakfast. It will allow you to adjust your long acting insulin. Take your injections before each meal and long acting as well. Then you can move to carb counting. It is possible to have a normal happy life with diabetes but it takes time and commitment . Don't waste your youth on feeling ill and rough. There are much more interesting things to do, especially when youre 21

 

[RuthW]

First of all, read the threads for Type 1s on this forum. You will find diabetics with 'burn out', so you know you are not the only one to feel bad about it sometimes. But also you will find lots of people who live healthy fulfilling lives, especially young men like you who have their diabetes under great control and have jobs, partners and do lots of different sporting activities.
I think you have to do the same as the rest of us. Get it under control step by step. Every time you conquer another aspect of your diabetes, you get a boost to your self esteem, plus the better blood sugar control boosts your mood and health. When you have a setback, or something you can't work out, ask on the forum.
If I were you I would start with an online carb counting course.

Second, do your own basal test. You need to do this anyway, even when you start going to the diabetic clinic again.

As you start doing your basal testing, use an app and start doing and recording your blood sugars. (Just recording them is known to bring some improvement.)

Then start working out your insulin to carbs ratios at different times of day.

You should stage this over a month to six weeks or so if your blood sugars are high. If you do it too fast, you will get 'false hypos', and may get retinal bleeds.

But when you do it properly, if you are getting neurological damage, it can heal, and retinal damage should stop progressing.

Go for it. You are going to feel much better. And once you get the basics down you can also learn strategies for including (moderate) alcohol consumption without screwing everything up again.

 

[yingtong]

Hi Danny been there and done that,all be it 50 years ago,I managed to turn myself around,because,like you I came to my senses.I won't preach to you,but,yes you can turn it around and undo a lot of the obvious damage you are doing.I have survived 53 nearly 54 years with this pain in the **** disease and I only have a couple of very minor complications.You have made the first massive step by contacting your diabetes team and I wish you good luck in turning yourself around,I am living proof that it is possible.

 

[Juicyj]

Hey Danny, fair play for making this honest and sincere post, that took some guts.

I know it's a hard thing for some people to accept, am not sure why that is, whether it's down to the fact that it will make you different from your mates, i'm not entirely sure. I certainly believe we are all different in our own ways and it's accepting what makes you different and embracing that so that you can live an honest and happy life. Living in denial is gut wrenching, it grinds you down and can turn a happy positive soul into an angry bitter one.

My philosophy for you is to embrace it and start taking it seriously, it's not going away so start to shout out for help, here, to your team, become an expert. We are lucky to have so much information and support around us if we are willing to use it, fighting type 1 is going to make you lose, you can't win it but you can live with it and in doing so your quality of life will improve no end. You already know this.

Good luck my friend