Hi
@sophiiehirst, Do you sometimes feel that all the balls are in the air and you cannot catch and juggle them all?
And you feel that you are to blame somehow ? You do not wish to get into trouble ?
Many of us T1Ds have been there. It sometimes feels like we are back in kindergarten and are fearful of misbehaving.
Please take an even breathe in and out. Why? Because, if you are like me, I hold my breath in, or stop breathing when stressed.
I feel all the anxiety, guilt, worry caught up in my chest and head, milling around. When I breathe out the worry and angst and stuff is expelled and with some further even breaths not too deep, not too rapid I can start to think again.
If I can think I can start to find ways to ease things, step at a time.
Before I can make plans I have to put my mind into gear.
Just as friends will say, 'Hey before you speak, please put your brain into gear' (but that is my burden to bear)!
You say
your mental health troubles are under reasonable control at present, yeah?
That is great and can be even better without the guilt, worry of the ketones and high bsls etc.
The key is realising and remembering that better BSLs, less high bsls/ketone combos, actually makes diabetics (T1Ds particularly)
feel better. Now if I am telling porky pies be certain that your current on line support team will tar and feather me, except they will be considerate enough to leave enough skin untarred for me to attach my insulin pump )!! Breathe !! Laugh ! apply appropriate action and expletive if you wish !!
With breathing, your support group and that vast pool of courage in you -
you need to have your diabetes troubles out with your nurse. Breathe this through. If need be,
write out what you wish to say. What is it like to feel unwell mentally and how do you feel about the added burden of your diabetes.? All humans have at least one soft spot. (but not usually in their head !!)
You are not
after pity really but
understanding. Aim for that with your nurse. If your nurse has the understanding from you of why things have happened the way they have then solutions are easier to work on, as a team, you and your nurse ( fill in here any appropriate duo, Smoky and the Bandit, Laurel and Hardy etc.)
I have an Animas Vibe, called Limpet. Yes it reminds me with that Fur Elise tune, is a pain to read in sunlight, gives me a bit of 'separation anxiety' with need to check that the tubing is still attached, but it simplifies some things compared to injections.
Maybe your nurse and a dietitian can discuss with you a sort of set diet for a time, maybe a week, so that you can do the BSL level, input that and the known carbs, have the pump issue a suggested number of units and see how that goes. Even if the BSLs are not perfect, at least getting rid of ketones would be a first victory, a first step.
I know ketones make me feel nauseous at the very time when insulin and some carbs might be needed to help clear the ketones..
Could you maybe try these things ?
breathing, making appointment and preparing to see your nurse, try
ing what is suggested?
Also remember that to have your mental health troubles in check means that you do have coping strategies and they work.
Use them.
Briefly - add in self humour - not taking yourself too seriously ( that BSL is not my fault, it must be the weather or the appearance of a new asteroid, but I guess I take take one for the team if the weather or asteroid refuses to play ball).
Add humour too, as black or not as you wish. " What I eat to day walks and talks tomorrow. But cucumber makes me repeat." !
Blacker ones on demand !! Let us know how you are travelling !! A worry shared is a worry halved, and much less indigestion. There can be other things to do and try later.
Of course I am only suggesting things based on my experience, not a professional viewpoint.
Comic showing a guy sitting at a job interview in a Training Agency. He says: "I believe that you learn from your mistakes. And I make enough mistakes to train everybody here "!