@saraD1,
My hospital have a cancer therapy unit.. Which has sessions called "hope courses" or "moving forward" courses. They also have therapists that can see you on a 1 to 1 basis. My therapist was the biggest help I have ever had... Not just with the cancer issues, but stomach and diabetes, my family etc.. She is absolutely fantastic. There is also an arts and crafts therapy sessions that are brilliant, again with a wonderful art therapist.
I also have very deep depressive thoughts.. Really bad ones.. But my cancer therapist got my diabetes clinic and GP aware of the strength of these thoughts and got the diabetes people at least trying for me....and enormous help.
They will also have a drop in cafe opening soon.
Has your hospital got anything like this? I had to get referred to attend it. Mines called the Robert Horwell Centre.
I don't know how long it is since you had MX but things can and will improve but if you can get to a cancer therapy unit, they really know how to help our minds...
My hubby even learnt from me talking about my therapist sessions. He learnt distraction techniques with me.. I know he's using them but I actually don't mind. I got extremely wound up on Saturday and he sat down with me and just said "lets do the crossword"..its a daily distraction technique that he adopted to calm my anxiety. It works, even though I know why we do it.
I got poisoned and was close to death.. And that knocked me totally down and huge trouble with hospitals.... And complaints. However, again the therapist found solutions for me to try.. And got that support I needed.
I so hope that you have something similar that you can try. It does help.
Thinking of you, but please let me know if I can help...