Diabetes discrimination at work - advice needed!

[LeftPeg]

His apology was only ‘sorry I made you upset’ so pretty week when you look at the context of it all. And of course he had to apologise to cover his back when it becomes a HR matter.

Seems a lot of people on here seem to think this behaviour is okay which surprises me and you shouldn’t stand up for yourself.

There's a difference between standing up for yourself and raising a formal grievance.

 

[lovinglife]

Evening all,

So just wondered:
- Am I overreacting? Should I just draw a line under it?
- What sort of grievance should be approached? Formal/ In formal?
- Should I seek legal action?
- Has anyone been in this scenario?

Thanks for reading and look forward to your responses!

Cheers
Rick

Edited by Mod

To be fair you did ask the question if you were over reacting - whilst I agree it was unpleasant and yes he shouldn't have mentioned your condition in front of your colleagues I still think you are hugely overreacting and possibly not getting the advice from some forum members you want to hear.

It's your choice exactly what you do but you need to pick your battles - is it really worth kicking up a stink for - why don't you just approach him and say politely and concisely what and why you are upset and then draw a line. It will be easier and far less stressful - if what he did upset you to this extent how are you going to cope with a full blown formal complaint? All the meetings, independent reviews, appeals etc

 

[Circuspony]

I think you're over-reacting. The Director saw you put a clashing meeting in the diary, didn't know what it was for (you can't expect people to remember an email you sent out a week before), came to speak to you, didn't handle it very well and has since apologised.

I pressed reject on a call yesterday when I was sat in the waiting room at the hospital, it was quickly followed up by a grumpy email from the Director concerned and then about 10 mins later one saying 'sorry - forgot you had a hospital appointment today'. I though absolutely nothing of it. I don't expect him to remember my appointments, even though I'd reminded him the day before that I wouldn't be in work.

Complete mis-use of the grievance procedure in my opinion - just a badly handled misunderstanding.

 

[Rustytypin]

Evening all,

Hope you’re good!

Apologies in advance for the essay.

So I’m reaching out for advice and to also understand if anyone has been through this before and what you would do in this scenario.

I work as an account manager for a media agency and the people that need to know I have type 1 diabetes are aware of this.

Basically this morning I encountered a situation which made me feel degraded, ashamed and angry.

This month I got my reminder letters for my appointments via text, as you do, and emailed the senior members of the team to let them know my appointment dates and times. One was retinal screening which was last week, the other the appointment with a specialist at the clinic.

So this morning I added a calendar invite for my appointment on Thursday at 11:30 and sent to the necessary people. The appointment actually coincided with is meeting with a provider which ran 9:00-13:00, however didn’t see an issue as I’d already previously let management know of this, so they were aware and send someone instead of me.

No longer than 10 minutes after the diary invite, one of the directors (who is not even a line manager of mine) came over with no subtlety and said ‘what’s this appointment on Thursday’ (in front of other members of staff) ‘we’ve got a meeting on Thursday which I can’t attend’. I said it’s my appointment for my diabetes - now declaring something I like to keep private in front of others - and he said ‘can you change it? When did you find out about it?’. I’m there thinking well I already made you aware of it last week. I said I couldn’t change it and he was like ‘******* ****’ and you could tell he was ****** off. I said I can’t help that I have to go to the things, and he was like ‘yeh i understand but we need to think about these meetings etc.’

So as he was going on I said ‘I’m going to stop you there, I don’t appreciate how you’re speaking to me right now, and I’m going to leave the office before I get any more upset’.

I went and sat in the bathroom for like 30 mins wondering what has just gone on. On the verge of tears I was shaking and ashamed and annoyed.

He emailed shortly after to apologise but I didn’t read it. Three of my colleagues heard this and said they were shocked and couldn’t believe his reaction.

Just want to add in here that upon reading the ‘sorry’ email it was only to say he didn’t mean to upset me and still more of a rant about me not being able to make the meeting.

I spoke to ACAS and they said this is disability discrimination.

So I filed a grievance with HR as this is not acceptable. We shouldn’t be spoke to like that in the workplace full stop, and certainly not for having a medical condition.

They (ACAS) also said I could take this further and seek legal action.

What’s more difficult is I don’t want to go back to work to see him now either as I’m walking on egg shells and I don’t want to work for a company that allows this.

What’s even more ironic is that it’s ‘wellness’ week at work and I’ve been made to feel degraded in front of my peers!

So just wondered:
- Am I overreacting? Should I just draw a line under it?
- What sort of grievance should be approached? Formal/ In formal?
- Should I seek legal action?
- Has anyone been in this scenario?

Thanks for reading and look forward to your responses!

Cheers
Rick

Edited by Mod

Hi Rick,
Many years ago I worked for a small firm, where my line manager was a bully. He would frequently criticise my work in front of my staff, until one day I snapped and had a go back at him. Things calmed down after that but our working relationship was never the same. Like you I felt humiliated and very upset. I did however continue working at the firm for another 20 years as I had a good working time with everybody else. I can sympathise with your dilemma but in the situation you find yourself, I think it would be best to draw a line and accept the email apology. As others have said even if you leave, a reference could hint at you "being a difficult employee".
Yes working with a **** can be difficult , but the world has many of them. Very often they get where they are because of the "Peter Principle" and are unable to handle the workload that comes with responsibility .
By the way, having Type 1 is in no way a shameful or embarrassing condition. It is what it is.

 

[lucylocket61]

Seems a lot of people on here seem to think this behaviour is okay which surprises me and you shouldn’t stand up for yourself.

I appreciate you are still upset, but there is a huge gulf between what is being advised on here, and your statement I have quoted above.

I run two businesses, have done for over 25 years, developing a sense of proportion and avoiding black and white thinking is a good thing.

 

[tim2000s]

Seems a lot of people on here seem to think this behaviour is okay which surprises me and you shouldn’t stand up for yourself.

If you read through the responses, you'll see that nobody thinks his behaviour was acceptable. However very few (very experienced) people think that taking this all the way up to legal proceedings is a good idea.

Discrimination in any form includes a definition of "Harassment":

When unwanted conduct related to a person's disability causes a distressing, humiliating or offensive environment for that person.

- Taken from the ACAS website, and I think you could deem that you have experienced that in this case.

The ACAS website also recommends that it is best to talk to your employer first and try and resolve the problem informally, which it appears you are now beyond.

In almost every case I can find, a discrimination complain is upheld only if it happens again after a complaint has been made to the employer and it can be proven that the employer has not done enough to stop it happening again. In addition, the recommendation is always to take both employer and employee to a tribunal.

Can I ask what outcome you want from taking this further?

 

[Rickmac1988]

If you read through the responses, you'll see that nobody thinks his behaviour was acceptable. However very few (very experienced) people think that taking this all the way up to legal proceedings is a good idea.

Discrimination in any form includes a definition of "Harassment":
- Taken from the ACAS website, and I think you could deem that you have experienced that in this case.

The ACAS website also recommends that it is best to talk to your employer first and try and resolve the problem informally, which it appears you are now beyond.

In almost every case I can find, a discrimination complain is upheld only if it happens again after a complaint has been made to the employer and it can be proven that the employer has not done enough to stop it happening again. In addition, the recommendation is always to take both employer and employee to a tribunal.

Can I ask what outcome you want from taking this further?

Hi @tim2000s ,

That's a good point to be honest, not really sure what the outcome would be. Just to be spoken to with respect in the place of work and not be humiliated/ outed in front of peers. After having time to think about it and spending the day at home I'm just gonna draw a line under it as basically can't be bothered going through the effort of it all and don't see a long term future there anyway.

 

[HSSS]

Evening all,

Hope you’re good!

Apologies in advance for the essay.

So I’m reaching out for advice and to also understand if anyone has been through this before and what you would do in this scenario.

I work as an account manager for a media agency and the people that need to know I have type 1 diabetes are aware of this.

Basically this morning I encountered a situation which made me feel degraded, ashamed and angry.

This month I got my reminder letters for my appointments via text, as you do, and emailed the senior members of the team to let them know my appointment dates and times. One was retinal screening which was last week, the other the appointment with a specialist at the clinic.

So this morning I added a calendar invite for my appointment on Thursday at 11:30 and sent to the necessary people. The appointment actually coincided with is meeting with a provider which ran 9:00-13:00, however didn’t see an issue as I’d already previously let management know of this, so they were aware and send someone instead of me.

No longer than 10 minutes after the diary invite, one of the directors (who is not even a line manager of mine) came over with no subtlety and said ‘what’s this appointment on Thursday’ (in front of other members of staff) ‘we’ve got a meeting on Thursday which I can’t attend’. I said it’s my appointment for my diabetes - now declaring something I like to keep private in front of others - and he said ‘can you change it? When did you find out about it?’. I’m there thinking well I already made you aware of it last week. I said I couldn’t change it and he was like ‘******* ****’ and you could tell he was ****** off. I said I can’t help that I have to go to the things, and he was like ‘yeh i understand but we need to think about these meetings etc.’

So as he was going on I said ‘I’m going to stop you there, I don’t appreciate how you’re speaking to me right now, and I’m going to leave the office before I get any more upset’.

I went and sat in the bathroom for like 30 mins wondering what has just gone on. On the verge of tears I was shaking and ashamed and annoyed.

He emailed shortly after to apologise but I didn’t read it. Three of my colleagues heard this and said they were shocked and couldn’t believe his reaction.

Just want to add in here that upon reading the ‘sorry’ email it was only to say he didn’t mean to upset me and still more of a rant about me not being able to make the meeting.

I spoke to ACAS and they said this is disability discrimination.

So I filed a grievance with HR as this is not acceptable. We shouldn’t be spoke to like that in the workplace full stop, and certainly not for having a medical condition.

They (ACAS) also said I could take this further and seek legal action.

What’s more difficult is I don’t want to go back to work to see him now either as I’m walking on egg shells and I don’t want to work for a company that allows this.

What’s even more ironic is that it’s ‘wellness’ week at work and I’ve been made to feel degraded in front of my peers!

So just wondered:
- Am I overreacting? Should I just draw a line under it?
- What sort of grievance should be approached? Formal/ In formal?
- Should I seek legal action?
- Has anyone been in this scenario?

Thanks for reading and look forward to your responses!

Cheers
Rick

Edited by Mod

I think you have a ****** manager and you’re overreacting. Was he one of those that got your first message a week ago? Is there a reason it didn’t go in the diary then? When was the meeting set? All relevant. He then handled approaching you badly. I totally understand the upset, shaking, leaving the office and calling him out. I’m not sure why you should feel ashamed for his actions or your diabetes though. I understand your not replying to his apology but not reading it at all wasn’t helpful.

He shouldn’t have spoken to you rudely or aggressively and ideally not inconsiderately or inappropriately about personal medical matters. It’s human nature not to remehmber every fact about every individual sadly. Not wanting to go back to work over this isolated event isn’t being particularly resilient. If it’s a habit or pattern on his part perhaps that’s different . What makes you think your company allow or endorse this behaviour? How was it degrading? I’d say everyone thinks worse of him not you from what you’ve said.

Personally I think you are right to challenge him but a formal complaint in these circumstances isn’t what the spirit of the legislation is about in my opinion. It smacks of money grabbing financial gain rather than real ingrained problems or serious issues. Informal, internal approaches have to be the first step at re-educating managers. Formal approaches only when they fail. Surely you wouldn’t want all your work mistakes to go straight to discipline action without something coming first.

It’s your call entirely but you asked our opinion. Maybe you need to decide what you think is the best outcome and how best to achieve that.

 

[KK123]

His apology was only ‘sorry I made you upset’ so pretty week when you look at the context of it all. And of course he had to apologise to cover his back when it becomes a HR matter.

Seems a lot of people on here seem to think this behaviour is okay which surprises me and you shouldn’t stand up for yourself.

Hi Rick, I haven't read a single comment that even implies people think his behaviour is ok, of course it's not. I think when you ask a specific question and get answers that don't fit with your way of thinking or dealing with something then you probably have to accept not everybody thinks the same. Of course you can take legal action if you want, that is your choice. Good luck with it all anyway. x

 

[DCUKMod]

Hi @tim2000s ,

That's a good point to be honest, not really sure what the outcome would be. Just to be spoken to with respect in the place of work and not be humiliated/ outed in front of peers. After having time to think about it and spending the day at home I'm just gonna draw a line under it as basically can't be bothered going through the effort of it all and don't see a long term future there anyway.

Rickimac - I think your decision is a good one.

I would however suggest you diarise what happened, and maybe make a few notes about date, time, who was present and so on, then just file that away.

When the time comes in the future when something similar could happen, in your shoes, I might, as well as putting the appointment in whatever logging system you use, I might be inclined to spend a very specific email to your line manager, with the subject matter of something like, "Medical Appointment - 6th June 2018" (or whatever), so that anyone scanning will clearly see it. I would also ask my line manager to share it with other managers on a "need to know" basis.

Should another meeting crop up, such as this time, I would repeat the process, and include interested parties yourself.

I'm not suggesting your email should be incredibly fullsome, and certainly wouldn't suggest you get very specific, but you can, with some thought, make it clear the appoinment is important and that it relates to a medical condition of which they are aware.

Of course, in an ideal world, the guy should have remembered, but for all we know he was just panicked, thinking about who would attend in your stead. You could even consider that he appreciates to work you do and was concluding the meeting would be the poorer for your absence. We're all human and therefore sometimes can be real pains in the pants. He's no different.

 

[Robinredbreast]

Hi @tim2000s ,

That's a good point to be honest, not really sure what the outcome would be. Just to be spoken to with respect in the place of work and not be humiliated/ outed in front of peers. After having time to think about it and spending the day at home I'm just gonna draw a line under it as basically can't be bothered going through the effort of it all and don't see a long term future there anyway.

Best thing to do now @Rickmac1988 draw a line under it, hold your head up and move on. Unfortunately there are a lot of crass individual's about, especially in the workplace who just love lording it over other's.
Good luck for the future.