Alanp35
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Diabetes, life and all that - personal diary
- Thread starter pavlosn
- Start Date
NotSoSweet2
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 251
- Location
- London, United Kingdom
- Type of diabetes
- Treatment type
- Tablets (oral)
- Dislikes
- Rudeness, tv soaps.
Welcome back, we all missed you and your postings so much. We all go through rough patches and fall off the wagon from time to time so please don't beat yourself up about it. It's just great that you are back again and know that you are ok! You are such a inspiration!
pavlosn
Well-Known Member
This morning, I finally built up the courage to face my weighing scales and blood glucose meter. I have been ignoring both for months and I am concerned that they will get their own back at me now.
My fears are realized.
I weigh in at 102kg and my fasting blood glucose is 238mg/dl (13,3 mmol/l)
Ouch!
I am stunned! I was expecting things to be bad but not this bad.
I momentarily think about telling my wife but soon decide against it. I will only make her worried and I am not sure that I will like what I will see reflected in her eyes. She can be a very harsh mirror to look into sometimes!
I am doing such a good job of being critical of myself at the moment that I do not think I need anyone else to contribute.
I decide to go for a walk to clear my thoughts.
I have been meaning to start on my morning walks anyway and the exercise will at least be a small step in the right direction in trying to get things under control.
At first I am oblivious to my surroundings, walking mechanically, deep in self loathing and worry.
I know I got things under control before so surely if I do the same things again, diet, exercise, keep carbs down, I will be ok again.
But what if I am not able to this time. Diabetes is supposed to be a degenerative disease after all. Should I go to see my doctor?
I quickly decide to ignore these thoughts. Not because my diabetes may not have got worse. It may have. But I decide that before I start worrying about that I need to first try doing my part in getting it under control and if that does not work then start worrying about the deterioration.
I decide that I do not want to see my doctor just yet.
Not just because I am embarrassed to do so; he did call me a model patient last time we met; but more because I suspect he will respond by putting me on increased medication and I only want that as a last resort.
I will give myself a month of diet and exercise first and if things do not improve then I will go to see him.
I then start worrying about what it is in me that allows me to get complacent and to gradually abandon healthy habits for self-destructive ones.
I decide that this is a worry for another day. I first need to get myself on the wagon before worrying that I might fall off it again!
I start to feel better.
The exercise is having the desired effect and I start to relax both mentally and physically.
I start to be more aware of my surroundings and of other people walking along with me.
A "good morning" exchanged with some neighbors is surprisingly and reassuringly comforting.
They are right!
It is a good morning.
Bright sunshine, birds singing,even some flowers blooming. After the harsh heat of summer, some plants are exploiting the cooler weather to flower again.
(Spider lily in my garden this morning)
Life goes on and It is up to us to grasp it, learn from our mistakes and move on.
I finish my walk feeling a lot happier and in a much more positive frame of mind than I started it.
I decide to recheck my glucose level: 180 mg/dl (10 mmol/l). Not good but better!
Hopefully, I will soon be able to get this down to near the 100mg mark again.
No doubt it will be a challenge but I feel up to it!
Pavlos
My fears are realized.
I weigh in at 102kg and my fasting blood glucose is 238mg/dl (13,3 mmol/l)
Ouch!
I am stunned! I was expecting things to be bad but not this bad.
I momentarily think about telling my wife but soon decide against it. I will only make her worried and I am not sure that I will like what I will see reflected in her eyes. She can be a very harsh mirror to look into sometimes!
I am doing such a good job of being critical of myself at the moment that I do not think I need anyone else to contribute.
I decide to go for a walk to clear my thoughts.
I have been meaning to start on my morning walks anyway and the exercise will at least be a small step in the right direction in trying to get things under control.
At first I am oblivious to my surroundings, walking mechanically, deep in self loathing and worry.
I know I got things under control before so surely if I do the same things again, diet, exercise, keep carbs down, I will be ok again.
But what if I am not able to this time. Diabetes is supposed to be a degenerative disease after all. Should I go to see my doctor?
I quickly decide to ignore these thoughts. Not because my diabetes may not have got worse. It may have. But I decide that before I start worrying about that I need to first try doing my part in getting it under control and if that does not work then start worrying about the deterioration.
I decide that I do not want to see my doctor just yet.
Not just because I am embarrassed to do so; he did call me a model patient last time we met; but more because I suspect he will respond by putting me on increased medication and I only want that as a last resort.
I will give myself a month of diet and exercise first and if things do not improve then I will go to see him.
I then start worrying about what it is in me that allows me to get complacent and to gradually abandon healthy habits for self-destructive ones.
I decide that this is a worry for another day. I first need to get myself on the wagon before worrying that I might fall off it again!
I start to feel better.
The exercise is having the desired effect and I start to relax both mentally and physically.
I start to be more aware of my surroundings and of other people walking along with me.
A "good morning" exchanged with some neighbors is surprisingly and reassuringly comforting.
They are right!
It is a good morning.
Bright sunshine, birds singing,even some flowers blooming. After the harsh heat of summer, some plants are exploiting the cooler weather to flower again.
(Spider lily in my garden this morning)
Life goes on and It is up to us to grasp it, learn from our mistakes and move on.
I finish my walk feeling a lot happier and in a much more positive frame of mind than I started it.
I decide to recheck my glucose level: 180 mg/dl (10 mmol/l). Not good but better!
Hopefully, I will soon be able to get this down to near the 100mg mark again.
No doubt it will be a challenge but I feel up to it!
Pavlos
Last edited by a moderator:
- Messages
- 11,582
- Type of diabetes
- I reversed my Type 2
- Treatment type
- Diet only
@pavlosn - if I could, I would like this post several times. I'm positive you are verbalising the thoughts of so many who have slipped from their personal diabetes wagon. Whilst probably uncomfortable for you to write it, I'm sure it will have helped more people than will acknowledge it.
None of us are automatons, so these meanders from the straight and narrow are all part of life's texture. The secret is not allowing the meandering to become a life journey.
Welcome back. Don't be a stranger.
None of us are automatons, so these meanders from the straight and narrow are all part of life's texture. The secret is not allowing the meandering to become a life journey.
Welcome back. Don't be a stranger.
Andy12345
Expert
mate, i had forgotten just how much i enjoy reading what you write, and you break up the sentences which is soooo helpful with my reading issues
remember any changes you make have an immediate effect, the exercise, the diet, it all helps straight away, you don't have to wait to see the benefits, i think your honesty is amazing, and i totally agree with Ms Breath this will ring true in so many peoples minds and lives, this can only be comfort and especially with your new resolve to get back to the right side of the tracks, you write of your worries and all i see is hope, your amazing
remember any changes you make have an immediate effect, the exercise, the diet, it all helps straight away, you don't have to wait to see the benefits, i think your honesty is amazing, and i totally agree with Ms Breath this will ring true in so many peoples minds and lives, this can only be comfort and especially with your new resolve to get back to the right side of the tracks, you write of your worries and all i see is hope, your amazing
pavlosn
Well-Known Member
Just had lunch.
A bowl of tomato soup and a diet coke.
It was over in less time than it takes to write this.
Still feeling hungry but basking in the glow of my own newfound virtue! lol
Pavlos
A bowl of tomato soup and a diet coke.
It was over in less time than it takes to write this.
Still feeling hungry but basking in the glow of my own newfound virtue! lol
Pavlos
Last edited by a moderator:
pavlosn
Well-Known Member
Fasting blood glucose level this morning 179mg/dl (10 mmol/l).
I choose to see the glass half full; high but significantly better than yesterday.
As I set on my morning walk I consider what glucose testing strategy I should adopt in my effort for improved glycemic control.
I, perhaps simplistically, view my blood glucose level as a baseline level captured by the morning fasting measurement, which increases to peaks following each meal and then gradually returns to the baseline level a few hours after.
I know that my baseline fasting level is high at the moment and that it will take some time, probably two or three weeks for it to (hopefully) return to a more acceptable level, provide I stick to my better diabetic care practices.
I suspect that even then, there may not be steady continuous improvement in my daily readings but rather that these may fluctuate, sometimes increasing as a result of factors such as level of stress, illness etc.
I briefly consider the idea of not testing at all for the next two weeks to save me from being discouraged or stressed by any adverse readings. I quickly dismiss this approach. I need the feedback to keep me on the straight and narrow as well as the positive reinforcement of any positive results.
I just need to be mentally prepared for it to not be all plain sailing.
I then consider the opposite approach of testing many times a day, before and two hours after each meal. This is an excellent, if costly, strategy with the particular benefit of educating on the effect different food has on our blood glucose.
I decide against this approach for now; if my baseline level is too high then I do not need to see peaks that are even higher after each meal.
Besides the problem is not so much that I do not know which foods will adversely affect my glucose levels. The problem is having the discipline to keep away from these foods.
So I decide that the middle ground of testing only my morning fasting levels on a daily basis, is the approach that I will adopt.
Pleased with myself for resolving this, I continue with my walk and allow myself to pay more attention to my surroundings.
A cat resting on the side of the road unconcerned by the passers by makes me think that @daisy1 would probably enjoy seeing a photo
A pomegranate growing on a tree makes me think of food
So I quickly divert my attention to the beautiful foliage of a monstera deliciosa plant; normally a tropical houseplant but growing here under the protective canopy of a lemon tree
The impossibly blue flowers of a plumbago plant also attract my cameras lens.
All in all, things are beginning to feel back to normal.
Pavlos
I choose to see the glass half full; high but significantly better than yesterday.
As I set on my morning walk I consider what glucose testing strategy I should adopt in my effort for improved glycemic control.
I, perhaps simplistically, view my blood glucose level as a baseline level captured by the morning fasting measurement, which increases to peaks following each meal and then gradually returns to the baseline level a few hours after.
I know that my baseline fasting level is high at the moment and that it will take some time, probably two or three weeks for it to (hopefully) return to a more acceptable level, provide I stick to my better diabetic care practices.
I suspect that even then, there may not be steady continuous improvement in my daily readings but rather that these may fluctuate, sometimes increasing as a result of factors such as level of stress, illness etc.
I briefly consider the idea of not testing at all for the next two weeks to save me from being discouraged or stressed by any adverse readings. I quickly dismiss this approach. I need the feedback to keep me on the straight and narrow as well as the positive reinforcement of any positive results.
I just need to be mentally prepared for it to not be all plain sailing.
I then consider the opposite approach of testing many times a day, before and two hours after each meal. This is an excellent, if costly, strategy with the particular benefit of educating on the effect different food has on our blood glucose.
I decide against this approach for now; if my baseline level is too high then I do not need to see peaks that are even higher after each meal.
Besides the problem is not so much that I do not know which foods will adversely affect my glucose levels. The problem is having the discipline to keep away from these foods.
So I decide that the middle ground of testing only my morning fasting levels on a daily basis, is the approach that I will adopt.
Pleased with myself for resolving this, I continue with my walk and allow myself to pay more attention to my surroundings.
A cat resting on the side of the road unconcerned by the passers by makes me think that @daisy1 would probably enjoy seeing a photo
A pomegranate growing on a tree makes me think of food
So I quickly divert my attention to the beautiful foliage of a monstera deliciosa plant; normally a tropical houseplant but growing here under the protective canopy of a lemon tree
The impossibly blue flowers of a plumbago plant also attract my cameras lens.
All in all, things are beginning to feel back to normal.
Pavlos
Attachments
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Andy12345
Expert
hey, if it were me, the early morning test would be the last one id choose as its so unpredictable due to DP personally i would choose one i had control over like post evening meal for example, this would make me more likely to see any benefits my eating was having and make me want to not spoil it with the evening munchies hehe
pavlosn
Well-Known Member
You may have a point there Andy but evening meals are not always at home and having to remember to test two hours after the meal is an extra hassle.
I understand that fasting levels may be overstated due to day brake effect but at the moment all I am interested is in seeing an improving trend on any daily glucose reading relative to where I am now.
Besides I have always been a morning person and prefer to do most things in the morning!
Pavlos
Yes, I'm with you on that one Pavlos. I know most people would probably say the fasting test is the least important, but for me it is the most important. Like you I know most of the foods which spike my BG's already. I find the morning test gives me some indication of how much better my fatty liver is. I suppose it's a personal thing and like you I'm a morning person. If I were to do 2 tests a day I would choose the 2 hour after evening meal one that Andy suggested next.
Thanks for sharing about your falling off the wagon, I could identify with almost everything you said.
Thanks for sharing about your falling off the wagon, I could identify with almost everything you said.
daisy1
Legend
- Messages
- 26,457
- Location
- Switzerland
- Type of diabetes
- Type 2
- Treatment type
- Tablets (oral)
- Dislikes
- Cruelty towards animals.
Thanks for the photo of the cat which I appreciated. I also loved the beautiful spider lilies.
pavlosn
Well-Known Member
Morning fasting blood glucose 167mg/dl(9,2 mmol/l)
I catch myself feeling slightly disappointed and remind myself to be patient.
Quick solutions are not always the best.
Quick means easy and ease brings about complacency my real long term enemy.
Yet as I set out on my walk I still feel a bit downhearted. I guess I am not as rational a being as I thought I was.
Which brings me to the realization that, in trying to regain glycemic control, managing my emotions will be just as important as managing my diet and exercise.
I also conclude that emotion, while separate from rational thinking, is not independent from it. We can influence and manage our emotions to an extent through rational thought. I am able to think myself less disappointed using logical reasoning.
Nevertheless, I decide to retest my glucose on returning from my walk and before taking my breakfast:126mg/dl (7,0 mmol/l).
Felling much happier.
Irrational but definitely happier!
Pavlos
I catch myself feeling slightly disappointed and remind myself to be patient.
Quick solutions are not always the best.
Quick means easy and ease brings about complacency my real long term enemy.
Yet as I set out on my walk I still feel a bit downhearted. I guess I am not as rational a being as I thought I was.
Which brings me to the realization that, in trying to regain glycemic control, managing my emotions will be just as important as managing my diet and exercise.
I also conclude that emotion, while separate from rational thinking, is not independent from it. We can influence and manage our emotions to an extent through rational thought. I am able to think myself less disappointed using logical reasoning.
Nevertheless, I decide to retest my glucose on returning from my walk and before taking my breakfast:126mg/dl (7,0 mmol/l).
Felling much happier.
Irrational but definitely happier!
Pavlos
Last edited by a moderator:
pavlosn
Well-Known Member
Morning glucose a disappointing 176mg/dl (9,7mmol).
Went for an hours tennis lesson, my first since June
Meet Zvoom, my coach's King Charles spaniel
Tennis lesson was a bit of a struggle but not as bad as I feared. Suspect coach went easy on me in order not to put me off!
Have about a million things to do this weekend, including going in to work for a couple of hours.
One of the things I must make sure I do is go to the supermarket and buy some more diabetes friendly food.
We went on a trip to the UK the weekend before last and our fridge is still looking like a chocoholic's dream, or a diabetic's worst nightmare, with all the duty free chocolate the wife and son bought!
I must remember to get some high cocoa dark chocolate for me! A tiny piece as a rare treat goes a long way and helps keep me off the hard stuff.
Pavlos
Went for an hours tennis lesson, my first since June
Meet Zvoom, my coach's King Charles spaniel
Tennis lesson was a bit of a struggle but not as bad as I feared. Suspect coach went easy on me in order not to put me off!
Have about a million things to do this weekend, including going in to work for a couple of hours.
One of the things I must make sure I do is go to the supermarket and buy some more diabetes friendly food.
We went on a trip to the UK the weekend before last and our fridge is still looking like a chocoholic's dream, or a diabetic's worst nightmare, with all the duty free chocolate the wife and son bought!
I must remember to get some high cocoa dark chocolate for me! A tiny piece as a rare treat goes a long way and helps keep me off the hard stuff.
Pavlos
Last edited by a moderator:
Scandichic
Well-Known Member
- Messages
- 3,708
- Location
- Hampshire
- Type of diabetes
- Type 2
- Treatment type
- Tablets (oral)
- Dislikes
- Michael Gove and his insane educational? policies!
Big hugs! You'll get there! In 2 weeks time you'll be looking back at this and wondering why you were worrying!
pavlosn
Well-Known Member
Feeling rather proud of myself for just completing a 10 kilometer walk. It took me just 4 minutes shy of two hours and 11.543 steps to do this, so I am giving myself a nice figurative self congratulatory pat on the back for this.
My wife and son were sleeping when I set out. In fact the whole Of Nicosia seemed to be sleeping. Everything ghostly quiet and roads that would normally be full of traffic now strangely empty.
It was unusually cloudy as I set out making for a pleasantly cool temperature.
But the sun soon broke through and the temperature, even this early in the morning rose to 22 degrees centigrade; it is forecasted to reach 30 by noon, which is still comparatively pleasant although too hot for walking.
I made my way to the grounds of a nearby monastery, always a welcome oasis of green in the middle of Nicosia.
Was saddened to see that the fountain in front of the monastery was switched off, probably another cost saving victim of the financially troubled times we live in, especially here in Cyprus.
A bunny rabbit put in a surprise appearance in the grounds, lifting my spirits.
I do not think I have ever seen one of these running free in Nicosia; probably somebody's pet ( or lunch) making a dash for freedom.
Judging by how quite the house is on my return, the wife and son are still sleeping upstairs.
This makes me feel even more smug and pleased with myself somehow!
Blood sugar this morning a somewhat improved 156mg/dl (8,6mmol/l). Still high but my best reading this week!
Pavlos
My wife and son were sleeping when I set out. In fact the whole Of Nicosia seemed to be sleeping. Everything ghostly quiet and roads that would normally be full of traffic now strangely empty.
It was unusually cloudy as I set out making for a pleasantly cool temperature.
But the sun soon broke through and the temperature, even this early in the morning rose to 22 degrees centigrade; it is forecasted to reach 30 by noon, which is still comparatively pleasant although too hot for walking.
I made my way to the grounds of a nearby monastery, always a welcome oasis of green in the middle of Nicosia.
Was saddened to see that the fountain in front of the monastery was switched off, probably another cost saving victim of the financially troubled times we live in, especially here in Cyprus.
A bunny rabbit put in a surprise appearance in the grounds, lifting my spirits.
I do not think I have ever seen one of these running free in Nicosia; probably somebody's pet ( or lunch) making a dash for freedom.
Judging by how quite the house is on my return, the wife and son are still sleeping upstairs.
This makes me feel even more smug and pleased with myself somehow!
Blood sugar this morning a somewhat improved 156mg/dl (8,6mmol/l). Still high but my best reading this week!
Pavlos
Last edited by a moderator:
I'm off for an early morning dog walk in a few mins. But the scenery won't be anything like yours... Of the temperature!
Thank you for your lovely posts.
It is great to have you back.
Thank you for your lovely posts.
It is great to have you back.
pavlosn
Well-Known Member
@Brunneria
It's great to be back!
I will let you in on a little secret about the scenery. I only post the good parts!
Enjoy your walk and be on the lookout for anything beautiful or unusual that might make an interesting picture.
You will probably surprise yourself with how much is out there, once your eyes are opened.
Thank you for the encouragement.
Regards
Pavlos
It's great to be back!
I will let you in on a little secret about the scenery. I only post the good parts!
Enjoy your walk and be on the lookout for anything beautiful or unusual that might make an interesting picture.
You will probably surprise yourself with how much is out there, once your eyes are opened.
Thank you for the encouragement.
Regards
Pavlos
pavlosn
Well-Known Member
I realized that yesterday I referred to the fountain in front of the local monastery remaining idle but omitted to post the relevant photograph so here it is:
I went back to my usual route for today's walk (another 5.5 km now successfully completed), where the pink blooms on silver white foliage of these bushes made for an eye catching roadside display
Bood sugar today at 153mg/dl(8,4 mmol).
Ginger is unconcerned so I decide that so am I.
I know I have been doing the right things so I need to stick with what I am doing and give it some more time.
Pavlos
P.S.
Rationally, my fall from grace should not exclude me from offering advice to others on this forum; something I used to particularly enjoy doing before, particularly to the newly diagnosed .
Rationally, my trip to the dark side should allow me to empathize better with others who may be struggling at the moment and so make me better qualified to offer assistance.
Yet I find myself reluctant to do so, at least for now.
I guess there is a part of me that labels me 'unclean' and 'unworthy', that thinks I have no right to advise others when I am not yet in control myself.
I probably should not feel this way but ....,
I went back to my usual route for today's walk (another 5.5 km now successfully completed), where the pink blooms on silver white foliage of these bushes made for an eye catching roadside display
Bood sugar today at 153mg/dl(8,4 mmol).
Ginger is unconcerned so I decide that so am I.
I know I have been doing the right things so I need to stick with what I am doing and give it some more time.
Pavlos
P.S.
Rationally, my fall from grace should not exclude me from offering advice to others on this forum; something I used to particularly enjoy doing before, particularly to the newly diagnosed .
Rationally, my trip to the dark side should allow me to empathize better with others who may be struggling at the moment and so make me better qualified to offer assistance.
Yet I find myself reluctant to do so, at least for now.
I guess there is a part of me that labels me 'unclean' and 'unworthy', that thinks I have no right to advise others when I am not yet in control myself.
I probably should not feel this way but ....,
Last edited by a moderator:
