Diabetes snobbery

[Mrs HJG]

Just wanted a place to vent, as I have been stewing on this all day... (Warning: 1st world/middle class diabetic problem ahead)

I went into Waitrose this morning to see if they had any Liv Life low carb bread delivered, because I really, really, really fancied a turkey sandwich, and when I asked the assistant if any was due in, (empty shelf for the last 2 weeks ), the woman turned to me and said in a snooty way 'why would you need to be so desperate to eat low carb?' I only got as far as 'I have to, as I am diabetic...' when she butted in telling me she had been T1 for 32 years and had no choice about it, like she should have a prize or something, or was the only one allowed the bread!

I did manage to get out that actually I am T1 too and diet-controlled for now and want to postpone insulin for as long as possible', before she dismissed me with a 'come back when they open tomorrow if you want any chance of getting a loaf if they do come in'. (Yes, I know the carbs are about a third of a regular slice of bread, BECAUSE THE SLICES ARE ABOUT A THIRD OF THE SIZE but...)

So much for any diabetic camaraderie, she was nasty, and no doubt would be nasty, diabetic or not, but her attitude, as if her diabetes was 'more' than mine really 'd me off. I suppose as I only know a couple of real life diabetics, other than the lovely folks on here, I have been shielded from the masses, (didn't say the snobbery wasn't mine too!).

I am currently butting heads with my boss's boss who compares me to 'the diabetics she knows' and as I have been in non-diabetic range through sheer hardwork and missing out since soon after diagnosis, she says that's because I am not diabetic, so maybe I am just a bit 'touchy'.

Anyone got any great one-liners I can throw the way of such ignorance, rather than just being left slack-jawed and to fester for the next 12 hours or so!?

Moaning done - hope those of you, that have wanted to, have managed a turkey sandwich or two x

 

[Antje77]

There are ******** anywhere, sadly having diabetes doesn't automatically make us a better person.

There's loads of snubbery from T1s to T2s, and it looks like you got a taste of that.

It's nasty, and one of the reasons you hardly see it on this forum is because this kind of behaviour has been heavily moderated for years. (Thankfully we hardly see this anymore on the forum.)
But T1 Facebook groups are a minefield if you happen to end up in the wrong ones as a T2 or a LADA not yet on insulin or even on insulin.

For myself, I choose to say I'm diabetic in real life encounters, not mentioning type unless the conversation goes further.
I strongly feel we need to stand together as diabetics with different but overlapping conditions. I'm a diabetic first, a T1 second (having been misdiagnosed for a couple of years).
Makes me feel superior in a way, I'm definitely better than them, my own private way of dealing with idiots even if they'll never know.

I am currently butting heads with my boss's boss who compares me to 'the diabetics she knows' and as I have been in non-diabetic range through sheer hardwork and missing out since soon after diagnosis, she says that's because I am not diabetic

Have you asked her what made her your endocrinologist?

 

[VashtiB]

I agree that there is snobbery around and it makes me sad. It also still brings me feelings of shame as a type 2- still a residual feeling that I caused this to myself and so am less worthy. I very rarely tell people I'm a diabetic. I know logically that given I had 2 parents with type 2 diabetes that I definitely have the predisposition and I am not to blame for that but the feelings are not always logical. It is one of many reasons I am so passionate about this place. Here I am not judged and I try not to judge others. We are all doing the best we can and no one way suits all of us. I want to support all diabetics (and their friends and families).

It really makes me sad that we as a world look for reasons to feel superior to others. It also makes no sense to me.

I am sorry that you have had this experience and I hope you get your sandwich and that it is delicious!

 

[Lamont D]

I'm not diabetic and an athlete, who has become healthier with low carb!
Don't admit you are diabetic.
Just say you are not insulin dependant because of low carb!

or the usual,

What the hell has it got to do with you? What I eat!

or

Expletive removed!

 

[Mrs HJG]

Thanks @Antje77 knew I could count on you as the voice of reason! At least she was one step above the Tesco assistant on Christmas Eve who looked at me like I was asking for bread made of s**t when I asked if they had any low carb! I wished her a 'blissful' day, as in 'ignorance is...'

I'm luck my Endo is going to support me all the way if it comes to anything more serious at work - he asked me what was the matter with her!?

@VashtiB human nature and evolution is rubbish! Except those of us on here, obviously x

 

[Antje77]

Here I am not judged and I try not to judge others. We are all doing the best we can and no one way suits all of us. I want to support all diabetics (and their friends and families).

It really makes me sad that we as a world look for reasons to feel superior to others. It also makes no sense to me.

I am sorry that you have had this experience and I hope you get your sandwich and that it is delicious!

This is the part I gave the agree icon for.

The first part of your post is the reason I'm a strong advocate for T2's, which works best without initially saying I'm a T1 and not a T2.
It's also the reason I initially kept my (then assumed T2) diabetes a secret from my aunt, who has been unintentionally fat shaming me my whole life.

 

[Outlier]

I LOVE the "blissful day" wish! I shall be using that.......

Not a useful retort, but to bear in mind a Scottish saying: "More to be pitied than scorned".

I'm sorry you had this unpleasant person brush into your life. We all encounter them. She has to be her all her life, but you are YOU. And we are all here for you.

 

[jonathan183]

I am currently butting heads with my boss's boss who compares me to 'the diabetics she knows' and as I have been in non-diabetic range through sheer hardwork and missing out since soon after diagnosis, she says that's because I am not diabetic, so maybe I am just a bit 'touchy'.

You could try asking her as a LADA diabetic at what point does she recommend you start on insulin therapy ... if nothing else she may have a look at the condition and realise how little she knows

 

[Zhnyaka]

Anyone got any great one-liners I can throw the way of such ignorance, rather than just being left slack-jawed and to fester for the next 12 hours or so!?

The phrase isn't original or even offensive, but you can just ask something like "do you really think you're making me feel better by saying that?". Illness and suffering are not a competition for who is worse.

 

[Jaylee]

Just wanted a place to vent, as I have been stewing on this all day... (Warning: 1st world/middle class diabetic problem ahead)

I went into Waitrose this morning to see if they had any Liv Life low carb bread delivered, because I really, really, really fancied a turkey sandwich, and when I asked the assistant if any was due in, (empty shelf for the last 2 weeks ), the woman turned to me and said in a snooty way 'why would you need to be so desperate to eat low carb?' I only got as far as 'I have to, as I am diabetic...' when she butted in telling me she had been T1 for 32 years and had no choice about it, like she should have a prize or something, or was the only one allowed the bread!

I did manage to get out that actually I am T1 too and diet-controlled for now and want to postpone insulin for as long as possible', before she dismissed me with a 'come back when they open tomorrow if you want any chance of getting a loaf if they do come in'. (Yes, I know the carbs are about a third of a regular slice of bread, BECAUSE THE SLICES ARE ABOUT A THIRD OF THE SIZE but...)

So much for any diabetic camaraderie, she was nasty, and no doubt would be nasty, diabetic or not, but her attitude, as if her diabetes was 'more' than mine really 'd me off. I suppose as I only know a couple of real life diabetics, other than the lovely folks on here, I have been shielded from the masses, (didn't say the snobbery wasn't mine too!).

I am currently butting heads with my boss's boss who compares me to 'the diabetics she knows' and as I have been in non-diabetic range through sheer hardwork and missing out since soon after diagnosis, she says that's because I am not diabetic, so maybe I am just a bit 'touchy'.

Anyone got any great one-liners I can throw the way of such ignorance, rather than just being left slack-jawed and to fester for the next 12 hours or so!?

Moaning done - hope those of you, that have wanted to, have managed a turkey sandwich or two x

Hi,

It sounds to me like you had some dodgy customer service..
It was none of the shop assistant's busness why you enquired about the product & if it was out of stock, either give info or find out from someone regarding if or when there is likely to be a delivery..

I used to work in retail. Quite often a product has come into the delivery bay, but not had a chance to hit the shelves?
I was only to happy to dap out back & see if I could make that sale..

Unless the customer was drunk. & needed more booze. Then we had a “duty of care” with licensed products to politely refuse..

 

[Deleted member 527103]

There is a lot of ignorance around any type of diabetes.
Once, when I flew from Heathrow with my pump, I explained to the security that I couldn’t take the pump through the body x-ray, I was told that I had “chosen to have diabetes”.

Unfortunately, having one type of diabetes does not mean we instantly know everything about all types of diabetes. That is one of the things about diabetes forums - you have all taught me so much.

 

[AndBreathe]

To be honest, the worst kind of diabetes bigotry I have experienced has been from a couple of people living with T1.

It takes all sorts to make the world and frankly, few people know I have been living with diabetes for over 9 years. I just get on with my life.
When I changed my diet, I just explained I'd has some bloods done which showed some things I was eating weren't doing me any favours.

Being told to go gluten-free made things even easier (in a perverse way), as that seems strangely comparatively acceptable.

In your shoes, I'd just have said that that bread is about the only one I could get along with.

It's all very well some saying we should be educating people, but most of those people are simply not in the least interested, probably a bit like most of us aren't interested in many other conditions we're not living with.

It's rotten what can happen. but I'll control what I can, including my communications team (my mouth and ears).

 

[Redshank]

You could send an email to the manager of the store to complain about the quality of their customer service?
Also ask why their staff think it is their concern to question you about the products you wish to buy.
Maybe some training is in order

 

[Fenn]

The phrase isn't original or even offensive, but you can just ask something like "do you really think you're making me feel better by saying that?". Illness and suffering are not a competition for who is worse.

I use something similar ”stop it, you are just saying that to make me feel good” a reaction is often “no” then a pause, my skin is very thick and almost impossible to upset but I can sure recognise ugly attitudes.

 

[NicoleC1971]

Just wanted a place to vent, as I have been stewing on this all day... (Warning: 1st world/middle class diabetic problem ahead)

I went into Waitrose this morning to see if they had any Liv Life low carb bread delivered, because I really, really, really fancied a turkey sandwich, and when I asked the assistant if any was due in, (empty shelf for the last 2 weeks ), the woman turned to me and said in a snooty way 'why would you need to be so desperate to eat low carb?' I only got as far as 'I have to, as I am diabetic...' when she butted in telling me she had been T1 for 32 years and had no choice about it, like she should have a prize or something, or was the only one allowed the bread!

I did manage to get out that actually I am T1 too and diet-controlled for now and want to postpone insulin for as long as possible', before she dismissed me with a 'come back when they open tomorrow if you want any chance of getting a loaf if they do come in'. (Yes, I know the carbs are about a third of a regular slice of bread, BECAUSE THE SLICES ARE ABOUT A THIRD OF THE SIZE but...)

So much for any diabetic camaraderie, she was nasty, and no doubt would be nasty, diabetic or not, but her attitude, as if her diabetes was 'more' than mine really 'd me off. I suppose as I only know a couple of real life diabetics, other than the lovely folks on here, I have been shielded from the masses, (didn't say the snobbery wasn't mine too!).

I am currently butting heads with my boss's boss who compares me to 'the diabetics she knows' and as I have been in non-diabetic range through sheer hardwork and missing out since soon after diagnosis, she says that's because I am not diabetic, so maybe I am just a bit 'touchy'.

Anyone got any great one-liners I can throw the way of such ignorance, rather than just being left slack-jawed and to fester for the next 12 hours or so!?

Moaning done - hope those of you, that have wanted to, have managed a turkey sandwich or two x

I am type 1 and apologise on behalf of anyone who feels they are morally superior to type 2s. It was non of her business. Many type 1s haven't got the memo about low carb but are sold the concept of carb counting and matching their dose. IMO it doesn't work well so my philosophy to avoid weight gain/insulin resistance but mainly to avoid dosing errors is to carb restrict.
Maybe she was trying to engage with you and it came across as snooty/judgemental?
I I do restrict carbs but will never be able to come off insulin so perhaps assume she was just a little jealous e.g. you could say So sorry you can't cure your diabetes but I'm doing my best to keep mine reversed! (vary the dripping sarcasm depending on your mood!)

 

[Deleted member 527103]

Many type 1s haven't got the memo about low carb but are sold the concept of carb counting and matching their dose. IMO it doesn't work well so my philosophy to avoid weight gain/insulin resistance but mainly to avoid dosing errors is to carb restrict.

We are all different.Assumming those of us with Type 1 who do not follow the low carb diet are ignorant is also ignorant of the different variations in lifestyle and body.
I follow a "normal carb" approach with no complications after 20 years and a Hba1c constantly under 48. I have no insulin resistance or weight gain.

I have seen the memo and tried low carb. I found it more challenging to dose insulin FOR ME because I need to dose for protein at different ratios for different types of protein.

Please remember there are different approaches and no one approach suits everyone.

 

[Jaylee]

You could send an email to the manager of the store to complain about the quality of their customer service?
Also ask why their staff think it is their concern to question you about the products you wish to buy.
Maybe some training is in order

I feel this hits the nail on the head.

Anyone can be a “keyboard warrior” in their own time..

But there is no excuse for unprofessional behaviour when “clocking in” to someone else’s.

@Mrs HJG , if the shop assistant had a name tag? All the better to identify if you wish to make a formal complaint. Date, time, which isle situated. (Assuming it was bread.)
You can mention that in the exchange the shop worker mentioned their condition. Another way to identify, but only because it was brought up by the employee.

Bear in mind the management presiding over this as the employee gives their version of events in an enquiry, may not be fully clued up?

Long story short. I was once reported at work for carrying a “spy pen.” They obviously felt their privacy was in some way invaded???
The room shrank for my managers when I produced the “offending gadget” from my pocket.. Novorapid..
Case closed.

I sort of fancy a turkey sandwich now…

 

[Fenn]

I misunderstood the meaning of this thread, I thought it was describing general ignorance but if it’s implied that T2’s are thought of in a negative light by the world, definitely! I have even seen it here by T1’s but this place is generally way more enlightened. The sad truth is the world is fattist and T2 is regarded as a self enflicted illness, brought on by over endulgance. I would be banned if I expressed how Ignorant I find this

 

[Antje77]

I would be banned if I expressed how Ignorant I find this

Don't worry, you just found a perfect way to express your sound opinion without breaching rules.

 

[Brunneria]

Definition of BIGOTRY

obstinate or intolerant devotion to one's own opinions and prejudices : the state of mind of a bigot; acts or beliefs characteristic of a bigot… See the full definition

www.merriam-webster.com

Unfortunately, bigotry is very common in just about every area of life.
it will come as no consolation to know that bigots are usually bigoted in a range of ways. So the sales assistant mentioned in the original post is likely to be opinionated and lack compassion in other ways too. I doubt if they have a fun life.

As for this forum being one of the most welcoming and non-judgemental places on the internet - yes. It is. The forum rules, the members and the mod team all combine to make this a very special place.

Anyone who is not happy here (or who gets regularly modded) should take a long hard look in the mirror to see where their own views lack courtesy, compassion and generosity of spirit.