Elephant Jokes

[TopCat_999]

As yet I have not seen any elephant jokes on here, so here is my effort to put that right.

What do you do with a red elephant?
Stop telling him rude jokes

What do you do with a blue elephant?
Tell him jokes to cheer him up

What do you do with a white elephant?
Stop telling him scary stories

Why are elephants large and grey?
Because if they were small white and round they would be aspirins

What's the difference between an Elephant and an Aspirin?
See the previous answer

Why don't elephants eat penguins?
Because they can't get the wrappers off!

This is a small selection to get things rolling I have plenty more!!

 

[Shar67]

• 
  Q: Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
  
  A: Because they're really good at it
  
  Q: Why should you never walk in the jungle between five and six?
  
  A: Because that's when the elephants get out of the trees.
  
  Q: Why are there pygmies in the jungle?
  
  A: Because they walked through the jungle between five and six
  
  Q: How do you kill a blue elephant?
  
  A: You shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
  
  Q: How do you kill a purple elephant?
  
  A: You chock it until it turns blue, and then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
  
  Q: Why do elephants wear shoes with yellow soles?
  
  A: So that you can't see them when they float upside down in the custard.
  
  Q: Have you ever seen an elephant floating upside down in custard?
  
  A: No, of coarse you haven't.
  
  Q: Why do elephants travel in herds?
  
  A: So that they can get a group discount on the shoes with yellow soles.
  
  Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
  
  A: About 5 mph.
  
  Q: How do you fit four elephants into a mini cooper?
  
  A: Two in the front, two in the back.
  
  Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in your fridge?
  
  A: You open the door and see the elephant.
  
  Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in your fridge?
  
  A: When the door doesn't quite close.
  
  Q: How do you know if there are three elephants in your fridge?
  
  A: They giggle when the light goes out.
  
  Q: How do you know if there are four elephants in your fridge?
  
  A: There's an an empty mini cooper parked outside.
  

 

[Robinredbreast]

How do you when an elephant has been in your fridge ?

Footprints in the butter. (I know, I know )

 

[CollieBoy]

Why do elephants paint there testicles red?
To hide in cherry trees!

What goes Ro-o-o-a-a-r-e-e-a-a-k thump
A man picking cherries in the jungle! (sorry can't make the sound of an elephant being castrated with a knife}

 

[Marvin]

How do you stop an elephant crawling through a keyhole? Tie a knot in its tail!
How do you know that the elephants are in the same swimming team? They all have grey trunks!

 

[Shar67]

Q: Why did the elephant sit on the marshmallow?

A: So he wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.

 

[MikeZ]

Kinda disgusting but here goes:

What has two grey legs and two brown legs?

Elephant with diarrhea.

 

[TopCat_999]

Q Why do elephants have flat feet
A For stamping out burning ducks

Q How do you know if you have an elephant in bed with you
A Because he has an "E" embroidered on his pyjamas

 

[lessci]

The elephant is a dainty bird
It flits from bough to bough
It makes its nest in a rhubarb tree
And whistles like a cow

 

[ickleowl]

Okay, let's get the real oldies out & be done with them....

How did Nellie call her mum when she left the circus?
She made a trunk call

 

[lessci]

How do you know if elephants have been making love in your garden?

Bin bags all over the lawn !!!!

 

[nomoredonuts]

EEEeeeeeuuuuwwwww!

 

[debrasue]

Man 1: Why do you have an elephant sitting next to you with a piece of bread on the top of its head?
Man 2: What's it got to do with you what I have in my sandwiches?

 

[Robinredbreast]

Man 1: Why do you have an elephant sitting next to you with a piece of bread on the top of its head?
Man 2: What's it got to do with you what I have in my sandwiches?

LOL

 

[TopCat_999]

Q: How do elephants call their friends?
A: They make a trunk call.