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This is the title of an Agony Aunt piece by Philippa Perry titled "My grown-up granddaughter is rude and angry, I want her to apologise" and found here:
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...ughter-is-angry-i-want-her-to-apologise-to-us
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I consider Philippa's enlightened response is spot on:
I expect the grandfather’s temper stems from his childhood, and reading about "dog whispering" will obviously be an instantly effective treatment for his bottled-up anger and damaged self-esteem, thus immediately eradicating his temper outbursts both towards his dog and other people. Since no one in human history has ever been dominated or mistreated by their mother (or other female), Philippa correctly doesn’t entertain the possibility, so it must have been his father and grandfather etc. It is clear that the patriarchy, which serves no good purpose and is always tyrannical, is completely to blame for this family's current problem (and, for that matter, all life's problems). It is therefore worth saying as much in the suggested speech to the granddaughter, to correctly prepare her for adult life.
Also, the granddaughter’s thoughts, feelings, words and actions were undoubtedly beyond question, even though we have inadequate details. Some people will entertain the possibility that she might have confronted her grandfather in an unwise manner, (even though her concerns were genuine and laudable) but they are wrong: she can’t possibly be at fault in any manner whatsoever.
"Your granddaughter is an adult and she’s allowed to say what she feels." but clearly the grandparents aren't - when on Earth will people learn this basic truth about "equal relationships"? Philippa rightly points out that the grandparents need to make all the running and concessions - attempting to meet the granddaughter half-way and have a constructive dialogue is an absurd notion, so isn't suggested: the grandfather merely needs to grovel to the granddaughter and all will be well.
Seriously, though, I like that Philippa is consistent: she put "Being right is overrated" and she seemingly applies this maxim to the advice she dispenses...
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Very seriously, I don't think the granddaughter should be told-off by her parents or forced to apologise, but the advice seems incredibly biased, patronising, one-sided and unwise...
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeand...ughter-is-angry-i-want-her-to-apologise-to-us
=====
I consider Philippa's enlightened response is spot on:
I expect the grandfather’s temper stems from his childhood, and reading about "dog whispering" will obviously be an instantly effective treatment for his bottled-up anger and damaged self-esteem, thus immediately eradicating his temper outbursts both towards his dog and other people. Since no one in human history has ever been dominated or mistreated by their mother (or other female), Philippa correctly doesn’t entertain the possibility, so it must have been his father and grandfather etc. It is clear that the patriarchy, which serves no good purpose and is always tyrannical, is completely to blame for this family's current problem (and, for that matter, all life's problems). It is therefore worth saying as much in the suggested speech to the granddaughter, to correctly prepare her for adult life.
Also, the granddaughter’s thoughts, feelings, words and actions were undoubtedly beyond question, even though we have inadequate details. Some people will entertain the possibility that she might have confronted her grandfather in an unwise manner, (even though her concerns were genuine and laudable) but they are wrong: she can’t possibly be at fault in any manner whatsoever.
"Your granddaughter is an adult and she’s allowed to say what she feels." but clearly the grandparents aren't - when on Earth will people learn this basic truth about "equal relationships"? Philippa rightly points out that the grandparents need to make all the running and concessions - attempting to meet the granddaughter half-way and have a constructive dialogue is an absurd notion, so isn't suggested: the grandfather merely needs to grovel to the granddaughter and all will be well.
Seriously, though, I like that Philippa is consistent: she put "Being right is overrated" and she seemingly applies this maxim to the advice she dispenses...
=====
Very seriously, I don't think the granddaughter should be told-off by her parents or forced to apologise, but the advice seems incredibly biased, patronising, one-sided and unwise...
