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Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Pura Vida, Apr 2, 2020.

  1. Pura Vida

    Pura Vida Type 2 · Well-Known Member

    Likes Received:
    Trophy Points:
    As I sat, strapped in my seat waiting during the countdown, one thought kept crossing my mind . . . . .
    Every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
    - John Glenn

    When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land.
    They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes.
    When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
    - Desmond Tutu

    America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that
    professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
    - David Leterman

    After the game, the King and the Pawn go into the same box.
    - Italian proverb

    When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
    - Prince Philip

    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
    - Emo Philips

    Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
    - Harrison Ford

    The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree.
    - Spike Milligan

    Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke.
    - Robin Hall

    Having more money doesn't make you happier.
    I have 50 million dollars, but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
    - Arnold Schwarzenegger

    If life were fair Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
    - Johnny Carson

    The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone.
    - George Roberts

    If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
    - Jonathan Winters

    The weather person is the only person that I know,
    that can be wrong 99.9 % of the time and still have a job the next day.
    - Johnny Carson
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
  2. zand

    zand Type 2 · Expert

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    Brilliant. Too good for merely a 'funny' rating. :hilarious:
    • Agree Agree x 1
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