Fed Up

[User4]

I was diagnosed Type 1 just under a year ago, a large portion of time I've been in honeymoon. I still am in honeymoon but it's starting to end (reporting significantly higher blood sugars now). I'm 35 & I'm fed up.
I underestimate my insulin requirements often (all this time honeymooning is the culprit) so if I eat, I feel ill. If it's a warm day I feel ill. I have zero energy most days. I can't be bothered to do anything and I'm finding it hard to just be myself & maintain existing relationships. I feel like a weak, frustrated, angry waste of a life.
I also have Buerger's disease (diagnosed about 3 years ago) so my mobility is severely affected.
I know that part of this is depression but I've suffered depression for years anyway & tablets aren't going to help. The counseling they have offered me is nothing short of useless. I don't drink alcohol, I do smoke heavily which I know I shouldn't but if I were to quit now I'd probably lose all control. Not one person understands exactly how I'm feeling (which again is likely my fault because I'm a closed book around people).
Some days I feel like just injecting all my insulin & never waking up.

 

[jack412]

you do sound like you are having a bad time of it, not now but for when you feel like it, I've put up a batch of sites that I think are worth reading
you are going to feel a lot better when you get your BG under control, . the T1's will be a long to help you sort it out and they will probably suggest you start with your basal



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they say there is a grief process to go through when diagnosed
http://www.diabetesexplained.com/the-five-stages-of-grief.html
http://www.diabetesexplained.com/emotional-issues-of-diabetes.html

There is an online course for background and an idea to it. Free to register
http://www.bdec-e-learning.com/

This set of workbooks are worth reading and practising working examples only of carbs and doses
Don't change dose without nurse approval
http://www.diabetesinscotland.org.uk/Publications/9224 Overview

Workbook 1http://www.diabetesinscotland.org.uk/Publications/9225 Carbohydrate Counting.pdf
Workbook 2http://www.diabetesinscotland.org.uk/Publications/9226 Carbohydrate Counting the Next Steps.pdf

Carb list
http://www.diabetesinscotland.org.uk/Publications/9227 Carbohydrate Tables A6.pdf

Diary
http://www.diabetesinscotland.org.uk/Publications/9228 Free Diary Portrait A4.pdf

Basal testing
http://www.diabetes-support.org.uk/info/?page_id=120

Sick day ruleshttp://www.diabetes-healthnet.ac.uk...flet_-_Sick_Day_Rules_for_Type_1_-_Nov_13.pdf
Sick day rules flowcharthttp://www.leicestershirediabetes.org.uk/uploads//documents/Type1 Sick_day_rules_InsulinV3.pdf


A workbook with USA numbers
http://www.bd.com/us/diabetes/download/insulin_adjustment_workbook_complete.pdf

 

[ConradJ]

I was diagnosed Type 1 just under a year ago, a large portion of time I've been in honeymoon. I still am in honeymoon but it's starting to end (reporting significantly higher blood sugars now). I'm 35 & I'm fed up.
I underestimate my insulin requirements often (all this time honeymooning is the culprit) so if I eat, I feel ill. If it's a warm day I feel ill. I have zero energy most days. I can't be bothered to do anything and I'm finding it hard to just be myself & maintain existing relationships. I feel like a weak, frustrated, angry waste of a life.
I also have Buerger's disease (diagnosed about 3 years ago) so my mobility is severely affected.
I know that part of this is depression but I've suffered depression for years anyway & tablets aren't going to help. The counseling they have offered me is nothing short of useless. I don't drink alcohol, I do smoke heavily which I know I shouldn't but if I were to quit now I'd probably lose all control. Not one person understands exactly how I'm feeling (which again is likely my fault because I'm a closed book around people).
Some days I feel like just injecting all my insulin & never waking up.

Hi there @User4,

Welcome to the mothership of weak, frustrated and angry wastes of life!

I shan't bore you nor compare your situation with mine, except to say this: I'm 44 and had T1 for almost 38 years - and spent about 37 of them screwing it all up by doing the wrong things, including smoking. Feel free to meander through some of my other postings in your own time - you may find we are sharing a little more than just the tobacco!

So, what to do?

Well, whilst I entirely agree with your statement "Not one person undertands exactly how I'm feeling", I can also tell you that there are plenty of people on this site who can understand your feelings about your diabetes - because they'll have been through the same process and emotional torture that you're going through (and I'm one of them).

So,what to do?

Well, you can start by following the links given by @jack412 regarding diabetes management - this will put you ten steps ahead of where you currently are with managing the f.....g thing, which will also help you to feel better in yourself and about yourself.

Next, you need to cut out that pointless, wasteful activity - aka 'smoking'. Now, it won't be easy - I can vouch for that as an ex-smoker, but it WILL be worth it... in your case for one more reason than most other people: Buerger's Disease (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thromboangiitis_obliterans) Cutting it out will help you tackle the symptoms of that nasty disease, which will also make you feel better physically and emotionally.

I also - wholeheartedly - suggest you go on a bit of a detoxt with your diet: cut out the caffeine, alcohol and foods that raise uric acid levels in your body: http://www.ehow.com/facts_5003837_foods-that-lower-uric-acid.html

I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in some joints and have been following such guides and I can't begin to tell you how much better I feel overall - yes, I do have the occasional etravagance / lapse / treat, but the operative word really is 'occasional'... I appreciate that osteo... is not Buerger's, but the principle is the same: modern life fills our bodies with a nasty cocktail of toxins that some of us can't tolerate; detoxing helps our bodies rejuvenate and repair.

Don't do / try it all at once - change a few things and continue with them until you're happy with the new habits, then introduce some new ones, and so on.

...and don't expect not to 'fail' at times... perserverence and persistence are the key to success. It is hard: I know, and just about every other weak, frustrated and angry waste of life on this forum knows too - if you don't believe me, just run a search on the forums using the words "Help" or "fed up".

Keep in touch with the forum - we're all in the same boat and, if nothing else, can be there with you in those dark moments... I'm very grateful to many others on here for 'listening' and helping me see a way through the quagmire.

With best wishes,
Conrad