Sending lots of hugs! You're probably feeling anxious and upset because if someone with such supposedly great control could die like that, then what chance do you (or anyone else) have? It's totally normal to feel like that. Soon after I was diagnosed, I heard two horrifying stories. One was about a girl my age who had diabetes, went to bed with a blood sugar of 12, and died of a hypo in her sleep. The other was about a man who didn't carry hypo treatments. He went low while he was out driving, went to a relative's house to get help, except that they weren't home and so he died on their porch. Aside from being really scary, these two stories left me with a healthy respect for the dangers of low blood sugar. Your story is much more personal and you probably feel a lot of empathy for the guy since you knew him. Clearly you should take some time to yourself to grieve, and to work through your own emotions (possibly with a professional). But also use it as an opportunity to reflect on your own control, both good and bad. You can appreciate the effort you put into your management, and also consider whether there's anything you'd like to change. Perhaps you feel as though this is pointless, since a guy with good control died. But you are giving yourself the best chance at a long and healthy life by paying attention to your diabetes. Sure, anyone can suddenly die for some unexpected reason, but by having good control you are greatly decreasing the possibility of this happening.