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Feeling very helpless

James321

Member
How do I get through to my eighteen year old daughter and also my wife who continues to buy family packs of sweets only to have my daughters who's type1 eat the lot of them.
As soon as I say please don't go mad when I continue to see her ramming one after the other in her mouth only to get a mouthful of abuse followed by, I will eat more now you've asked. I could lock myself away and cry, yes daft I know but she's been diagnosed over three years now been in resus twice and has a hp1 of 14.4 Please don't reply saying how much damage that will do to her because I'm fully aware of the consequences and seem to constantly have everyone telling me how she'll loose her eyesight or her legs will drop off etc. I don't know what to do and really need some advice. Has anyone had hypnosis. Any suggestions are very welcome.
Sorry for the rant I just don't know which way to turn.
Thank you
Jim, a worried dad.
 
@James321 If you look in our Parents section, you'll see you're not alone in your fear and frustration. A number of parents have had problems with teens not looking after themselves as they should.

First thing - has your daughter's team got a psychologist that she could speak to about how she's dealing with her diagnosis? Secondly, have you cautiously asked her why she's eating the sweets? Eg does she just miss them? Is she doing it to spite the diabetes? Is she stressed? Does she feel you don't understand? Does she have siblings who don't have diabetes and feels life's been unfair to her?

Get her to talk a little. Try not to say too much. Just listen and acknowledge her feelings.
 
It sounds like your daughter is being rebellious regarding her condition, kind of self-destructing perhaps, She could be having angry feelings about her condition. Is there any chance that you could make an appointment with her GP and go with her for a chat?
 

Hi @James321
We all know about the things which can happen and how terrifying they are, BUT they are not inevitable. After 40 years on insulin so far I have been very fortunate. For me I think of something hubby (usually a man of few words) said...the world is changing fast, and you owe it to yourself to be in the best shape you can when the "big fix" gets here. You cant however, put your life on hold and waiting for a cure. Live life to the full; take control of diabetes don't let it control you, good luck to you and your family xx
 
Thank you for you're time and yes she's had a child psychologist when first diagnosed only to ask her to draw a picture of diabetes, she was coming up sixteen, preparing for her exams and really didn't want to go down the picture route. I have tried and tried gently, quietly, sympatheticly, trying to discuss her position and how she feels only to be screamed at and told in no uncertain terms where to go. As for her team the diabetes nurse has refused to come round for over a year due to the nurse saying its a waste of time and a glorified hello. Does she miss them ? No because her eating habits haven't change from before diagnosed. Is she stressed, yes and in total denial. Siblings yes and they don't have diabetes. I'm sorry to sound negative as this is not me, I'm full of enthusiasm normally, truly believing there will one day be a cure for all suffers with type 1 and 2 but at this precise moment in time life seems like something is hurting my little girl and I can't protect her.
I just can't stop it and I feel I should. My wife is a vegetarian caring loving person who is calm and collective where when pushed in a corner I want to come out fighting.
I'm doing a sponsor walk next week for diabetes over the London bridges, I will have a grumble all the way and believe we're on the way to winning this battle.
Thanks
Jim.
 
We've seen doctors, nurses, phycolgist, etc to no avail, I'm just very flat and frustrated,
Sorry to sound negative, I guess being a parent of anyone with a ailment is hughly frustrating when you can do little to help.
We will get there any my daughter can scream and shout and abuse us if nessacery but she's my daughter who I think the world of and will always be there for.
A Thursday rant I think and a frustrated dad.
Thank you
Jim.
 
Yes your right, diabetes is a horrible condition and a constant awareness, however it's a slow burner and being positive I think is the best thing, your husband sounds a good man with a positive attitude.
Thanks for your time.
Jim
 
It must be so hard to watch. I'd be beside myself. I felt extremely angry when I was diagnosed. I hated people speaking to me about it as I felt they had no idea what it was like if they weren't Type 1 themselves.

Could you try to reach some kind of compromise? There's no reason why she can't eat some sweets and chocolate, she just has to choose her time, count the carbs, and control her portion. Perhaps encouraging her to eat a little of what she wants, but to control her blood sugar might help a bit? Does she count carbs? Has she done a course like DAFNE?

You might also like to encourage her to join this forum or interact with other young adults with Type 1.

Finally, if you can't talk without her becoming defensive, then maybe you could write things down? Tell her how much you care for her, how brave she is, how you wish you could take the diabetes away. But then carefully mention your fears and open your heart to her. Don't refer to the letter or ask her about it after because that's adding pressure, but hopefully a tiny bit of what you say might sink in.

Just to finish - many people rebel out of fear not to be awkward. It's easier not to try. It's pointless trying if your blood sugar keeps going high. If you don't try, you can't fail. Complications are too horrible to think about, etc
 
Have you tried a two pronged attack? Get your wife on side, ask that she stops buying the family sized bags of sweeties or at least changes to sugar free so that the whole family is eating the same sweets. I am not a fan of sweeteners but if it leads to a fall in the amount of sugar eaten by your girl that can only be a good thing. Perhaps your wife would consider joining this forum?
 

Text are a good thing and she does reply to these, we have always been close, dad and daughter but she's pushed me away and I think it's because she's scared.
I will support her and of course continue to be there for her, thick or thin were the parents.
We are changing to addenbrooks soon and I'm hopeful this will be a new chapter.
Look after yourself as well, and I appreciate your advice.
Jim
 

I have asked my wife numerous times to the point we argue about her continuing to purchase great family packs.
We will I'm sure get there I just, as all loving parents, struggle to see my daughter hurting and I can't seem to help her.
Thanks for your thoughts,
Jim.
 
It must be a nasty situation for all of you and I really hope it gets better soon. The psychologist and especially the diabetes nurse you've encountered sound horrible. You'd think they would be more understanding and try different approaches instead of giving up. Have you tried not 'nagging' her about what she eats but just ask her to bolus for it? No idea if that would work better but it might reduce the harm. Take care and good luck!
 

I'm unsure if you received my last reply, I'm no great blogger. We're changing hospitals soon to addenbrooks and I know the dafne course is run there.
I have tried to introduce her to the forum but she's not ready yet .
It is incredibly difficult to watch your child ignore her health and push the self destruct button, I've had many a chat to myself in the bathroom and felt very sorry for myself,
My family needs me to be strong and that's fine, you know what it's like, some days are just harder than other.
Thanks for spending some time to chat, it's been good to get other opinions.
Look after yourself as well.
Jim.
 
The DAFNE course will also give her a chance to meet other Type 1s. That might be good. It can be very lonely feeling alone with diabetes.

Another thought - could a sibling or good friend carefully chat to her? Sometimes it takes someone of a similar age to say something that will be listened to.
 

Yes we left her to manage herself, unfortunately she ended up in resus with keytone acidosis 4.6. . Six hours pumping all sorts into her.
I'm very disappointed by my level of care from certain sectors and overwhelmed by others who like yourself have put them self out to share a freindly word or relay your experiences.
She doesn't bolus at all, two injections one in the morning and one at night due to refusing to check her levels.
It's a period in time I know but a very turbulent one which needs some holding on tight too.
Thanks for your help.
Jim.
 

Refuses to talk with anyone about this, and hides her diabetes from the world, being eighteen and not perfect, not now days.
We all know when we get older the fake tans, and the I'm so wonderful brigade don't matter a jot but at eighteen anything else but perfection is I think very difficault to except. were get there. Just hold on tight it's going to be bumpy for a while.
Thanks
Jim.
 
Hi. I think you know that your wife is the problem here and part of the solution. She needs to realise that she is causing serious damage to your daughter's health. You obviously do argue with her on this. There is no reason to bring sweets into the house for any of the family as they are pure sugar. Ask her to buy 85% Dark Chocolate instead?
 
@James321 , there's a young T1 blogger, Laura, aka ninjabetic, who wrote this article about her retinopathy scares and how it turned her attitude to T1 round, made her start taking it seriously:

http://diabetestimes.co.uk/seeing-beyond-diabetic-retinopathy/

Her blog is here:

http://ninjabetic1.blogspot.co.uk/?m=1

Don't know if your kid having a glance at those will make any difference or not, but I suppose there's a slim chance that hearing a message from a youngster like Laura who has had a fright and then turned things round might carry more weight than getting the same message from parents and doctors.

Besides that, her article on librelink makes being T1 look positively cool! There's also an article called "a letter to my parents..." which gives a few insights.

I suspect that some of the problems might be that she's just damned terrified by the whole thing, so maybe having a sketch at another youth's thoughts on how she's stepped up to the plate might help.
 

Hi James,

Your daughter will be feeling confused, angry and upset as to why she has been the one to have this condition. She's currently ignoring the situation as that's the easiest way for her to deal with it. It's a horrible horrible thing to happen and I am so grateful that I was diagnosed when I was 22 rather than a younger age. I was able to have my time as a carefree child/teenager eating and drinking whatever I wanted with no side effects! I can only imagine how frustrating it could be for her.

The best thing that you can do as a family is support her, and as she is currently at the stage where she doesn't really care, the best way to do this is by making subconscious changes. Start making healthy, low carb meals and get rid of any high carb treats in the house. She doesn't even need to know that these changes are being made for her - maybe just suggest that you are wanting to look after your own health a bit more. It's amazing how less frequent she will eat the sweets/chocolates if the only time she can have them is when she actively makes the decision to purchase them, rather than them being readily available.

Only once her glucose levels are better and she starts feeling good in herself will she see why she needs to look after herself. We often don't realise how bad we've been feeling until we start feeling good again.

I hope this helps.
 
I was going to suggest maybe the young ones can encourage your daughter. The trouble is, she is 18 and you do not really have that much control over what she eats. Yes, your wife may bring sweets or cakes into the house, personally although it is difficult if it were me I would stop that. Do you smoke? I ask because if you do, perhaps telling her that if she can make changes to her diet you will give up smoking, and if you do smoke then you would have to mean it. At the end of the day because of her age, you can only do so much as painful as it is. Your daughter is going to have to be the one to look after her health. Only when she becomes a parent if she does, will your daughter realise how difficult this is for you as her father to cope with. I really hope that she sees the light on her health
 
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