Finally, some help

MH2010 said:

After a LONG battle with Diabulemia and generally not giving a **** about myself..

A 4 day stay in hospital where the doctors had no idea what was wrong with me other than I was close to death's door, I decided it was time to sort my life out.

I have an appointment at eye clinic and psychologist on 23rd and actually cant wait to get things sorted out.

I really need some tips on what you do when you have just lost interest in your own health.

I know I need to take care of myself but just cannot be bothered. I dont want to eat, I dont want to gain weiggt when I start taking insulin properly.

Generally, I need motivation, stories, ANYTHING to help.

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I can't take anti-depressants myself (side effects...), but they might give you a little help to get started. For me, I had to find a reason outside of myself to tackle both D's; depression and diabetes. So while I am aware I should be doing this for myself according to all platitudes, bladibla, I'm doing it for my husband and my family. I've seen too much grief and death in my life to willingly, knowingly, put them through that.

In lieu of happy-pills, I tried doing things that *should* make me happy. Of course, I wasn't at first, but after a while I started to crack smiles in spite of myself. Now I look forward to the weekends. (Looking forward to things is really imporyant!!!) For me it's mostly photography and animals that get me perked up, do I go to zoo's and cat cafe's a lot, hauling my equipment with me. (I infected my husband with the photography virus, and now he's better at it than I am!). Same with fantasy fairs/comic cons. I take "sniper" portraits of people, as I don't like the posed stuff, (and people really, really scare me, so I don't dare approach them in person) and then I find them through facebook and give them their pics. Music and theatre help too, but are sometimes too stressful.

Find something that used to give you joy, give it a couple of chances to see if it'll re-ignite, and who knows, it might motivate you to want to live again. Properly. Without too much time spent in hospital due to lack of self-care.

It is all worth it, you know. Really. Talk to a pro, see whether there are meds that might help, if you're willing to go that route, and try to bring a bit of sparkle back into your life. You're the only one who can, but you have to choose to.
Hugs,
Jo

@MH2010 Sorry to hear about your hospital stay.

As odd as it sounds, don't rush into anything, take it one day at a time, your forthcoming appointments will help, but start thinking about what your motivations are for getting control back again, is it to stay out of hospital, is it to avoid complications and keep yourself from going blind, is it to just feel better in yourself physically and mentally ?

Typically people assume insulin is associated with weight gain but if you keep stable blood glucose levels and your body is at a healthy weight then there is no reason why you should gain additional weight, so think about associating insulin with staying healthy instead.

My top tip is to be kind to yourself, we are our own worst critic, think about what a best friend would say to you instead and try writing down 3 things you are grateful for too, repeat this each day and see if you can build some positivity into your life and control.

If you need some support please PM me, happy to chat.

Wanting IVF seems like a good enough motivation. Seems as if you need to be kinder to yor body, poor thing, it needs a little love. Why people engage in self destructive behaviour is hard to know, exploring the thought processes that generate this sort of thing can be quite hard, because the causes can be buried quite deep in our subconscious minds, but hopefully you can start to explore what's going on.

Bodies love to be treated well, and it will respond to kind treatment, so improving blood sugar control, and a nutrient rich diet, should help to give you a happier body.

MH2010 said:

@JoKalsbeek Been taking the 'happy pills' for almost a year now and weirdly enough, I still aint happy lol.

@Juicyj thanks, I have tested my bloods for a couple days now so just to try and get the insulin doses sorted out.

Have recently found out that a VERY close family member is pregnant and as hubby and I have had no luck in the past 11yrs, this is kinda hitting me harder than I ever thought.

That is my main motivation, get healthy and hubby and I will be able to restart our IVF journey together.

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Maybe time to change the dosage or switch to a different kind? If they aren't making you feel any better they're not doing their job, as they should have made a difference a couple of months in. Something to discuss with the perscriber. Really, because if nothing is changing, they're kinda pointless. ( I did way better on tri-cyclic, not sure of the translation, than I did on stuff like prozac or seroxat. I really miss that stuff, but again, side effects...).

Just yesterday my sister in law was complaining about typical mom stuff, (they grow up so fast, it's so hard to let go... They are 3 and 4 years old!!!) Next thing I know, a cousin announces she's pregnant with her third. I'm never going to have children because of mental and physical issues, not just because I wouldn't be able to take care of them but because quite a few of the most painful issues, from my borderline to the migraines, rheumatism and whatnot, are hereditary. Most of the time I'm okay with it, sometimes it's a punch in the gut. Yesterday was a punchy day. So I get that 11 years can make you feel... You know... Hit by a truck. (As opposed to just punched)

If IVF is your goal, then it is a good one. Anything that motivates is good! And I'm wishing you all the luck in the world.

Hugs,
Jo