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Finding it tough ?

Patrick66

Well-Known Member
Messages
978
Location
Dorset UK
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Dislikes
People. Noise. Swearing. Many foods.
I know I am.

Okay so I am Autistic which isn't helpful in the first place..but..

I just find myself frequently overwhelmed. I have accompanying diagnoses of Dysthymia, Anxiety Disorder and Anhedonia. Last year I was very suicidal to the point of having made definite plans. In fact I still stockpile drugs for the eventuality..

Diabetes is just an annoyance, an extra thing I really could do without but am now faced living with.

My work is incredibly stressful and the sense of being undervalued is colossal but finding this job was hard enough after three years unemployed so, finding an "Autism friendly" job is a nightmare.

I have been under the care of the Community Mental Health Team for over 8 years now; exhausted the anti-depressants, had the mindfulness (Didn't work), had my Father pass away, my Mum commit suicide, been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and worry constantly, or cry...which doesn't help blood sugar levels.

But I'm still here. Not sure I really want to be as living without any interest is just existing..but I'm here..but why does it have to be so tough ??!!.
 
Hi Patrick I am no expert but you probably need 1 : 1 counselling. You have been through a lot of traumatic experiences for anyone to handle. I can only suggest you tell or show what you have written above to your Mental Health team at the earliest opportunity. Tackling control of Diabetes is not to be under estimated but you are trying and that can only make your future better. Dont forget few people have an easy life but you just need to look after yourself. Best wishes.
 
You look healthier than I do in your avatar there Patrick.
 
I don't have any answers for you. I wish I did. Some magic pill that'd make everything better. But I guess there's that: there are people out there who wish you happiness. Or at the very least, contentment and a life you feel is worth living.

You made me laugh out loud once, which is an achievement. I don't laugh all that often anymore, not really. So... Thank you. You made a difference that day. I don't know if that matters, and it probably doesn't, but you are appreciated.
 
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(And yes, this past weekend was a tough one, so you're not the only one finding it hard. Diabetes is just another box to tick, and that I have under some semblance of control. It's the mental **** that got to me and had me weeping all afternoon.)
 
Ah, they don't want to do that. Never have. Oh, its been promised on many occasions and I have 1:1 with my care coordinator every 4-6 weeks but that's very bland and not resolving issues.
I have seen the Psychiatrist as well..he asks what I want, I tell him, he does the opposite.
And life goes on.
 
Listlad said:
You look healthier than I do in your avatar there Patrick.
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One of my happiest times, correction : my only happy time, on holiday. 8 years ago.
 
JoKalsbeek said:
(And yes, this past weekend was a tough one, so you're not the only one finding it hard. Diabetes is just another box to tick, and that I have under some semblance of control. It's the mental **** that got to me and had me weeping all afternoon.)
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Sorry to hear that. life just seems to pile one thing on top of another.
 
@Patrick66 - Hang on in there. You are doing so incredibly well.

In terms of your personal food challenges, I had concerns for you when you arrived, but far, far less so now. You have tried new things and tried new ways of doing things, and whilst you may not be totally sold on them for the longer term, you tried them, and hopefully, you may have found the odd thing you can stick with.

Looking at your last 8 years, I just can't imagine it, but you are still here. You're holding down a job. You're holding down a relationship, and trying to do the best for your health. Fair play.

You've often talked about the stress levels you endure at work. I don't know what you do (and I'm not asking), but is the stress related to what you do or the company/organisation you work with?

You talk about finding autism friendly roles. I used to work with a guy with autism. He was sometimes kinda hard work on the chit-chat front, but boy, could he work! And more to the point, his wark was absolutely impaccable. I would re-emply that guy in a heartbeat.

Don't devalue yourself. We all have gifts and talents to offer the world; it's just some of our gifts are less mainstream.

Stick with us Patrick, and more to the point, stick with yourself.
 
Stress is very much work based.

Its 90% on the telephone and I hate using the phone.
Communication here is awful and management treat us like dirt. I mentioned I felt under valued and was told management were "disappointed" to learn that. I was told to talk to managers. I did that. They stabbed me in the back, were ungrateful when I did two peoples jobs and ..well..you get the picture.
 

Ah. The guy I worked with would have sold his grannie down the river, rather than use the phone! He'd pick it up if it rang, but would never make a call unless absolutely necessary. He wrote great emails, mind! I can see whay that could be causing you stress.

My only comment on the work front would be that it's easier to get a job when you're in a job, because you have a track record etc. Maybe start looking around a bit? Although I can imagine you might prefer to wait until you've got your op out of the way first.
 
Yes theres the OP. And whether we are moving because we rent and cant afford to buy here..but could afford to buy elsewhere..if Brexit makes its mind up how the market will react!.
Yes I do the emails here and am the general person who gets on and sorts problems, finds stuff out etc.
 
JoKalsbeek said:
That's what it does, usually. Frankly, if it stopped, I'd be worried.
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I'd be relieved for the chance to breathe.

I need a holiday. I need to get away and I need something to look forward to..but theres no money for holidays. Not these days.
 
Patrick66 said:
Sorry to hear that. life just seems to pile one thing on top of another.
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Hi Patrick, I think many, including myself, have visited 'that place' many times and still do, but we don't want to be a permanent resident. These past 6 months have been, shall I say, traumatic and difficult and I am still going through bad times, but trying to push it away and make the next day more bearable and optimistic, but it is a hard slog at times.
I am hoping to be learning about autism particularly in children, in the next couple of months.
Sending you a virtual ((((HUG))))) I hope you find a more worthwhile job, have you thought about working for a charity, that may be good for you, possibly google it, as you will be doing something and focusing on a more positive outlook.
 
Patrick66 said:
I'd be relieved for the chance to breathe.

I need a holiday. I need to get away and I need something to look forward to..but theres no money for holidays. Not these days.
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You really should look for a different job... They're right, it's easier to find one when you already have one, no recent gap in your CV. If this place is making you miserable with no room to breathe, financially and mentally... It's time to move on. Which I know is a challenge, but in the end, hopefully worth it. It could mean better bloodsugar levels, a better life, and actually being able to get out of the country for a bit.

I currently know two people with autism; one works at home as an artist, and sometimes works with people who have been braindamaged somewhere along the way (accidents, TIA's) and re-learn to express themselves through art. For her, it's the only way to let the feelings out so they do't crush her; she paints her heart out. (I think she's still surprised we love her so much, but she and I have so much in common, she understands the most insane things about me, and I about her... And it's so good to have someone who KNOWS. We see each other maybe once every two to three years, because we don't like people! And she doesn't take it personally, and neither do I! ). Another is a bloke who works for a pension company. I met his collegues at his wedding; they were all exactly like him. Uncommunicative, no filter, but absolutely brilliant at sitting at their desk in perfect solitude, and shoving millions around. (You can imagine the conversations at the reception... Me, an introverted borderliner wishing she could run for the hills, them wishing they were somewhere else too, anywhere else but there... It got quiet. )

Find an enviroment that works for you, like they did. Because this obviously isn't improving your life.
 
Patrick66 said:
I'd be relieved for the chance to breathe.

I need a holiday. I need to get away and I need something to look forward to..but theres no money for holidays. Not these days.
Click to expand...

I haven't been away on holiday for over 2 decades, we do need a break from the drudge and the negative feelings, that can sometimes overwhelm us.
 
Hey @Patrick66, just want to send you a big hug and encourage you to keep up with posting here on the Forum....maybe consider writing in the Blog section - you do seem to have a knack for writing clearly and maybe this would be a good venue for you.....we would read it too!

I don't know if you live alone or not and that doesn't need to be known. I just want to encourage you to find someone that you can talk freely and without judgment to so that you can debrief after work, when you get thinking of all you have to deal with, about your folks, etc.....If you don't feel you have that support system, then maybe q Blog would be helpful....just saying.....your emotions have to be expressed somehow that is not harmful, judgmental or demeaning....I hope we can provide that for you here in some measure....

I so appreciate the transparency that @JoKalsbeek shows here on the Forum and I hope you can take that to heart. In my opinion, Jo is one strong, brave loving individual who has been through so very much, but still puts one foot in front of the other and greets each new day with promise....Trust you are feeling better today, Jo.

Life is hard. Harder than any of us probably ever imagined it would be...but, Life can be beautiful as well. Maybe not how we would want it, but look around you, at nature, at people who give you a smile, a thumbs up, a word of encouragement, and realize that we are community, warts and all, and Life is precious and surprises us in so many ways....look for those surprises...

You are still here, living and breathing and putting one step in front of the other, @Patrick66, so please realize that you have value - intrinsic value that no one can take away from you - and if it helps at all, we on this Forum care for you, are cheering you on to success and one more day....Blessings/L
 
Err, I actually work for a charity!..and many charities don't pay their staff..mine does..for the moment.
 
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