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Finding it tough ?

Discussion in 'Emotional and Mental Health' started by Patrick66, Jan 28, 2019.

  1. Patrick66

    Patrick66 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Well I have an awful singing voice. I was the only child NOT selected for the School Choir!. I can drive but don't. I cannot anticipate others action so, after 5 accidents in 18 months I gave up. I still maintain my licence more, I suppose, as proof of who I am, but also for emergencies.

    I was diagnosed on 13th February 2009, 4 weeks before my 43rd birthday and ten months before redundancy put paid to a 23 year Civil Service career. And a career in which I excelled as I was working on my own (part of a team but remotely) and could work from home when it suited me. I spent 4 years working in the Ministry of Defence and 19 years in the Ministry of Justice where I had the opportunity to be part of some high profile Criminal cases.

    I have money in the bank from my parents estate but its not enough to buy in this expensive part of the world. If we moved I could buy the house I wanted, have my dog etc, but I wouldn't have a job.

    I don't worry about neurotypicals. Some I work with have Autistic children so that's a start and work has made certain adaptations for me; taken me off answering the phones by 80%, given me all the email enquiries we get and allowed me to wear noise cancelling headphones. Unfortunately I find the environment very upsetting and communication very poor. I laud the aims of the charity I work for but its just not Autism friendly.

    The Autistic community I have come across online has well meaning, highly talented individuals but also far too many self-appointed leaders and narcissists. Too many dictators and sheep for my liking. I am an individual and make my own mind up when I know the facts. Of course, having a diagnosis of Aspergers, like yourself, can be controversial as well and the very phrase "high functioning" just makes me wince (sorry!)

    I'm delighted you have found your niche in life and you have found a role that suits you. If only I could find mine.
     
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  2. Patrick66

    Patrick66 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Amen to that!.
     
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  3. DCUKMod

    DCUKMod I reversed my Type 2 · Master
    Staff Member Administrator

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    Oh wow. What a wonderful post Harrison.

    For the avoidance of doubt, I don't mean your troubles have been wonderful. That is simply not be the case, but for the bravery and candour you brought to this thread, "from the inside" of the condition.

    I salute you.
     
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  4. Patrick66

    Patrick66 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I have posted a blog. About me.

    "Please make an orderly queue for the exit"

    I blame whoever suggested it!.
     
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  5. lucylocket61

    lucylocket61 Type 2 · Expert

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    same here.
     
  6. lucylocket61

    lucylocket61 Type 2 · Expert

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    I want to thank you and @HarrisonK for your posts. My son is High functioning too, is in his early 20's and finding it hard going. He was only formally diagnosed last year. I have shown him your posts and it has helped him to see that there is life after diagnosis. Thank you both so much for that. Your contributions are valuable.
     
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  7. JoKalsbeek

    JoKalsbeek Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    I really enjoyed that...!

    And able to read hieroglyphics...! I do love cats, so Bast and Sekhmet are my favourites. :) (I have a black Bastet statue by the window. And an actual black cat that'll sit beside it every now and again. :) ). Sorry, but that just got me really excited. Just tried to talk my husband into going to an exposition in Leiden before the end of March, they've got a whole lot of Egyptian statues on loan and they allow camera's, so I can photograph my little heart out.

    Anyway... I really enjoyed reading that. And I do think there's a load of jobs out there you could do. I don't know about the UK, but are there agencies that'll fund your retraining or continued training? It's such a waste when you're good at stuff and aren't able to do anything with it.
     
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  8. Patrick66

    Patrick66 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I will blog about Egypt eventually. My spiritual home. I so wanted to be a tour guide/leader. Or a travel agent though the pay is horrendous.

    I’m sure, if I have the stamina, that several travel related blogs will appear.
     
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  9. Patrick66

    Patrick66 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Thank you, that’s very kind.

    I always find it incredible that society forgets that Autistic children grow up into Autistic adults. People think you “grow out” of it when, actually, you “grow into” it. It defines who you are.
    I’m not one for the high functioning label. Only because, if you have high functioning that implies you also have low functioning and that’s not being respectful to those who, through no fault of theirs, struggle more than they should have to.
    We all have strengths (mines somewhere down the back of the sofa) and we all have weaknesses but we ignore the deficits of those with strengths and ignore the strengths of those with deficits.
    Yes there is life after diagnosis. I can’t promise it’s easy and you do need support to get through it but I’m here at 52 and I guess that counts for something.
    Tell your son that he isn’t alone. Yes he will feel like he is at times but he really isn’t and he would probably be surprised at how many of us hide in plain sight.
    And remind him of his strengths whilst working on those deficits. Remind him he is valued and that society does value him, it just might have a strange way of showing it at times.
    I’m sure he’ll go far.
     
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  10. lucylocket61

    lucylocket61 Type 2 · Expert

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    I apologise if i offended, I am just quoting the 'label' they gave him and his father on their diagnosis. I agree with your view on it.

    This is so valuable. I will tell him. And may I show him your blog too? See, you have a lot to offer and have done so for me and my people. Thank you.
     
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  11. UserABC2021

    UserABC2021 Prefer not to say · Well-Known Member

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    When I was diagnosed I queried the term HFA and was told it was simply because I was speaking and reading at an early age, I've never considered it as anything else. Since then I've come to realise it is not an official term in use, I just got used to using it when people tell me I "don't look/act autistic". If they persist I end up trying to explain 'scripting' and 'modelling', which takes a lot longer :)
     
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  12. Patrick66

    Patrick66 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I’m not offended so don’t worry. I just find labelling a bit clumsy and whilst my Aspergers is a high functioning diagnosis, when I melt down, I can’t function at all.

    It’s quite divisive in the community. Aspergers is seen, by some, to be the “superior” diagnosis because they equate that with intelligence and superior intellect and, most regrettably, I have encountered a few Aspies who think they’re so much better than those with a simple Autism diagnosis (although the distinction is no longer supposed to be made) and it’s that superiority complex that is both false and damaging. Trust me, I never feel high functioning!. I’m an academic failure because I got bullied at school and had issues so I don’t quite fit the stereotype.

    I guess I know stuff. I know stuff that others may find interesting. I know trivia. Is that my talent ?, perhaps but I think it’s more a sense of curiosity and wanting to know the answer rather than an exceptional mind.

    By all means show him my blog. It speaks about survival I suppose, the ability to get through life (not without great personal cost and pain) and do stuff, like travel, which many Autistic people will never do because of the barriers.

    Glad I could help.
     
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  13. Patrick66

    Patrick66 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Yes it’s just a label created to satisfy some distinction to be drawn between A and B. But I’ve seen it used as a weapon within the community and on days when I can barely function at all, I think it’s a load of utter twaddle.
     
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  14. UserABC2021

    UserABC2021 Prefer not to say · Well-Known Member

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    Asperger's Syndrome has somehow become 'cool' with younger people, many claiming to be aspies with no clinical backup. Perhaps things like Big Bang Theory and Sherlock help bolster its seeming popularity, I don't know.

    Like you, I was bullied all through school, hated every moment, and it was later in life that I went back to study and got my degree. Now, in my closing years I often think how things would have been different if I had been neurotypical or even if my parents/school had understood I was autistic.
     
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  15. HSSS

    HSSS Type 2 · Expert

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    I think there’s a lot less stigma now, combined with the fact that in our generation it was rarely diagnosed, certainly not if you could exist in society just considered odd behaviour or being a loner or simple. (No offence intended just how it sadly used to be thought of). Are more people and now or are more recognised? One of my asd’s believes autists are the next evolution of mankind and hopes it is increasing as you are more efficient and logical in life. He was very quiet about it til outted by a “friend”. Now he’s quite proud to be who he is and doesn’t want to be NT. The other doesn’t fully believe it and just gets on being who he is and living his own way in partial denial of diagnosis and it’s effects.

    I was also bullied physically and emotionally throughout school from 5-17yrs. I often wonder how things would have been different for me had I been different (resilient, less of a push over or not so academic and without weird hair), or my parents had better equipped me or the school done something about it. Different causes but similar experiences.
     
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  16. HSSS

    HSSS Type 2 · Expert

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    This is the first time I’ve ever gone and read a blog. Anywhere. About anything. Im now inspired to explore this new (to me) means of communication.
     
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  17. JoKalsbeek

    JoKalsbeek Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    Okay, this is probably going to sound silly, but... I get the impression you know a bunch of things about a bunch of subjects. Any chance you could teach community college classes? On Egypt, travel, autism, taxes, all of the above? Contact with people is relatively one-sided as they're mostly busy listening to you, so not as much interaction as one might think...

    I won a photography class and last year we hit the city of Amersfoort with the teacher, a professional photographer. It was nuts, and I did have one single panicattack, (Just one! And everyone was really nice about it too...!) but the results.... I think they were probably the best pics I've ever taken, streetphotography-wise. I had the least technical knowledge of the class at that moment, (which teach fixed as well), but the teacher, during the evaluation, gave me the best scores. By far. Said I had a professional's eye for it. Still makes me blush to think about it, but while it made me really uncomfortable, it also made me... I dunno... proud, I guess? Which I'm not used to being of myself.. It gave me such a boost, and it made quite a difference for me. And I've invested in a second camera, it came in today.... So I'm back to carrying around two of them. (I used to, but the ones I had were too heavy for my back. System camera's are lighter. Anyway....). You don't need teacher qualifications to do it far as I know, and I do think you have enough to share... It is a chance to make a difference, sharing what you know, and making a decent extra buck for traveling/a bit of freedom. IF, of course, that is something you'd want to persue.

    Just something I thought about over dinner. Probably absolutely useless, because I don't know what your limitations are, but... The classes or lectures on ancient Egypt I'd certainly like to take myself. looking forward to more blogs, in any case.
     
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  18. UserABC2021

    UserABC2021 Prefer not to say · Well-Known Member

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    Indeed, I was very much the loner. I'd had polio in '57, I was three years old and fully paralysed so my parents were dealing with the possibiltythat I would die. After that, my personality quirks were put down to having had polio. There was no Asperger's Syndrome back then and most of the 'obviously autistic' children were placed in sanitoriums and forgotten about.

    There seems to be a better understanding of the spectrum and testing seems to be more extensive. My children were diagnosed in their teens and, nowadays, they believe they are the 'new human', but they are also very private about their ASD whereas I am very open about it.
     
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  19. Patrick66

    Patrick66 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I never thought I’d ever be cool. But yes, you are absolutely right.
     
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  20. Patrick66

    Patrick66 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    It took me 6 years to get a diagnosis. But then, as I was older, masking hid...diluted some of my traits.
    I seem to mask permanently and I hate not being the real me.
     
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