Getting back on track?

[Jayleicester]

I've been a diabetic type 1 for a number of years now and I'm struggling like hell despite trying almost everything I can think of, stopping eating food, just drinking water during the day... I had really bad stomach cramps and became very hungry and being sick daily the four days that I tried it and being sick multiple times. I've stuffed my body with quadruple the amount of insulin just to keep control and try and get my sugars under 7mmol (my personal target I must get to 6mmol with 0 margin for error) tried not doing insulin alongside 0 food only water another Google search revealed that living on water heart could improve health by 65% the doctor advised me this was very dangerous and I should not do this so I stopped after two days... I've tried not eating anything all day I've done this several times because I feel that if there's no sugar or fat or **** in my body my blood sugars won't go high so then we know need me to panic I won't need to go into hospital and I'll be fine... I've been in hospital multiple occasions - 20 times last year alone.

My blood sugars are very high or very low like a roller coaster literally every day today the 15th of January my blood sugar was 27.9 when I got up this morning then as I did quadruple the amount of insulin and my background insulin degludec it's sank 22.3 so I had a couple of Jelly Babies and then I had some lunch a Cornish pasty and a cup of tea by Force I didn't want to eat but I have my family having a go at me for not eating so I had something to eat then it went to 15.2 and now 22.3 so I've done 24 units of Rapid I he normally tell when I'm having a hyperglycemic episode I feel dizzy and then a lot of the time I pass out and my mum brother and father on separate occasions have had to call an ambulance as I slipped into a coma I wake up hours or days later in hospital surrounded by doctors with machines keeping me alive on the last occasion I told the doctor just let me go I can't take anymore apparently it was Touch and go if I would survive - if the paramedics had been a few minutes later I would have died for sure.

I have no idea what to do I'm not sleeping very well at all as I have to sleep on my parents sofa when I stay here to look after my mum I don't feel I'm equipped mentally or physically to do this often sitting awake at night crying punishing myself through self harm, I'm running out of patience and faith in myself. Despite being 41 years old I feel that I'm very much overweight around 11 stone, at the moment you can see the collarbone structure around my neck area and I feel that I need to lose weight but the diabetic specialist says otherwise I do finger pricks as I was advised that the Libre sensor isn't so accurate so I do both, I get a high number then I stuff myself with insulin then I check again an hour later and it is still really high so I do more insulin and I get really hungry and then the insulin takes effect and it goes below 3 mmol but I don't want to eat because if I eat my blood sugars will go high.. over the past couple of days I've had it a bourbon cream biscuit for lunch nothing else except Diet Coke and water I read somewhere are on the internet that if you fast during the day and only eat from 5 until 7 p.m. your blood sugars will stay within range my ranges between 5 mmol and 15 mmol due to my Resistance issues. I'm out in the cold quite often as well shivering loads difficult to put the heating on I live in supported accommodation and I struggle being by myself mum often worries that because I live in a room alone something might happen and I will die because nobody knows what happened to me.

I do hope that my my message on the forum does not offend anybody tea.and that somebody will say I'm going to give this guy a bit of advice if it does offend please don't send any negative comments I tried to put something on Facebook recently to ask for advice on a diabetes group and I was told that I need to go and kill myself as a diabetic - I'm just just taking up oxygen that normal people need to use...

... this really upset me I self-harm session occurred but I've since treated the the area and it's ok ok I'm looking for new ways to manage my emotions sorry again if this offends I'm just looking for a bit of advice I really don't want to give up but I feel there's no way I can fix this I rang the diabetic helpline they've made it clear they are very concerned for me me which is understandable I've got an appointment in February

 

[Antje77]

Hi @Jayleicester , do you have a diabetes team (endocrinologist and diabetes nurse, often supported by a dietician and a psychologist specialised in diabetes as needed)?
I think that would be your first port of call, that's what they're there for.

To work out insulin needs, it would make much more sense to follow a relatively stable eating plan, eating comparable meals each day than to randomly fast and eat.

Do you carb count and base your mealtime doses on the carbs you eat?

 

[Jayleicester]

I have a diabetic specialist at the Leicester General Hospital who I am in contact with once every few months I can call the helpline every so often and I don't do carb counting I tried to do it I've got learning difficulties so I don't understand how to do it and nobody has explained it to me I tried to do it when I count every carb like 4 grams of carbs in a a biscuit so I have to do 8 units of insulin but that didn't work my blood sugar still went very very high on medication my blood sugar was already at 9.8 in the morning so I had a biscuit for breakfast and then the blood sugars shooting up to 16.3 it was only a bourbon cream so I had to do 15 units of rapid on top of the 30 units of background insulin every morning and then I do 20 units of novorapid a few minutes after that. Yeah I tried to get a diet going I got a specialised diet from my my diabetic nurse who said that I can have 200 grams of carbs a day but I found that's left me with really high blood sugars as it included fruit and yoghurt some biscuits all of things high in carbs so I tried to take that down to 50 carbs a day and then I was feeling really ill and the diabetic nurse said you can't do it that low amount of carbs is very dangerous for you so increase my rapid from 15 to 20 and then they take my background insulin from 30 to 20 but recently back up to 30 units background insulin and 20 units novorapid I'm looking at some of the things and my previous menu allowance it's including Peperami water diet coke some parmesan cheese I try to print off some list of things low carbs and good carbs when I get paid next I'm going to try to do some shopping for things that are not got much carbs so my blood sugars won't spike I thought about the Paleo Diet where I live on nuts and fish apparently that's a good diet to have but I'm not so sure because nuts have a lot of carbs in them I used to like chilli nuts but then I find out over 15 g of carbs and carbs is sugar that is what I'm told so I don't really want to put 15 g of sugar into my body so I can't have that anymore my snack at the moment is a small snack Peperami sometimes it's a Diet Coke or Pepsi Max as well

 

[EllieM]

Hi @Jayleicester and welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry you are currently struggling with your diabetes.

I tried to put something on Facebook recently to ask for advice on a diabetes group and I was told that I need to go and kill myself as a diabetic - I'm just just taking up oxygen that normal people need to use...

No one would be allowed to say something like that here. These forums are meant to support all members and such posts would break our forum rules and be removed.

I agree with @Antje77 that your diabetic team should be your first port of call on this, but we may be able to make some suggestions. (Note we're not in a position to advise on specific dosing though.). It's good that you have an appointment in February. Maybe you also could ask them about some counselling to help with the mental stress of diabetes.

So it sounds like you are on a basal/bolus regime (The basal is the background insulin and the bolus is your fast acting insulin).

In my opinion, the most important thing for someone in this regime is to get the background insulin right. You can then calculate the amount of short acting insulin you need for food and also as a correction dose. If you give your diabetic nurse a food and blood sugar diary she should be able to calculate this for you. So I suggest you try and take these records to your appointment..

For your current situation -

Are you able to check for ketones?

Though high blood sugars aren't good long term, they can be fixed with the right insulin dose. If they are combined with high ketones then you need to go to A&E or at the very least ring 111 or your clinic (sorry I'm sure you hate the hospital).


You are not alone, plenty of us go through periods where we struggle with our diabetes and our emotions. Sending you virtual hugs.

 

[Jayleicester]

Thank you so much for your kind words I check my ketones a few months ago they are 0.2 if my blood sugars are 20 mmol and over I am recommended to go to hospital anyway and they know me in that department anyway they know that I have big struggles with mental health and blood sugars I've been in ketoacidosis 37 times most recently towards the end of November when it was at its worst I don't remember anything I remember struggling to get up the stairs to use the bathroom and then I remember waking up in the hospital with breathing apparatus on me machinery going in and out of cannula drips there was a lot of blood on my clothing and and I don't remember anything and the doctor's had a tell me you almost died this is the worst it's ever been for you we need to get you some help it was then they made the appointment for the earliest opportunity possible which was the February one I had a phone call a few weeks ago where I said that I was struggling and I didn't know what to do they said they would try and get there February one moved to January but I've had no response since then I'm happy to finally be able to get on the diabetes forum it's nice to hear that people on here and not going to judge my situation or have a go at me I really appreciate that at thank you so much everybody for the kind comments the very supportive I appreciate the virtual hug I would rather have somebody sitting next to me and tell me it's going to be ok but I know that's not going to be possible I appreciate the comments either way blood sugars and now eating went to I'll do 5 units of rapid and then I will get ready for bed and attempt to sleep on the sofa I will check in with you all in the morning and go from there ....

thank you once again for the supportive comments.

From Jason