Yes Andy, hubby Is taking very little with him, but I don't need new clothes in this size because I am not going to be this size for very long. While I was sorting out my wardrobe yesterday I found 9 pairs of jeans/trousers which now fit me again so I actually had a choice of what to take this time. I may buy more trainers though...... I don't feel the urge to buy shoes in great quantities like I used to....just trainers.When we go to the US i take the clothes im standing in and buy buy buy when im there, the clothes over there are awesome and cheap, i put a suitcase in a suitcase for the return journey
Dont get me started about amsterdam, been a hundred times.....maybe it was the hash cakes that made me diabetic lol
Have a great trip!Yay! found the dollars...well all except the ones my son borrowed in March...we'll have to save those for next time. I really am going now, 'byeeeeeeeeeeee.
ZandSo maybe I'm more approachable now? Maybe being so honest and open on this thread is changing me?
Oh zand, the risk of opening yourself up to the possibility of being hurt again, versus the possibility of finding a true friend. Was it really a mistake to talk to the dog walking woman? Was is a pleasant experience to watch the sunrise together? You are in control of what to do and say in future encounters. You can choose to walk away, or have superficial conversations, or not. Life is full of risks, and we can be hurt by other people, but if we don't sometimes take a risk we may miss out on the enrichment that can come from sharing lives with others. The dog walking woman could just have been feeling that she was taking a big risk talking to you, but it is also likely that you enhanced and enriched her day by accompanying her. Just as you are enhancing and enriching the forum posts by your honest and open contributions.This is going to be another difficult post for me because I will be revealing far too much of the real me, but luckily I am going to be really busy for the next few days so my available computer time will be less so I will have a while to recover from it.
Well, I should have listened to you all, it's not safe walking where I walk every day but I am addicted to it now and just need that 'fix' every day. This morning I left the house at 4.45 and walked one of the longer routes. Then I heard a familiar voice....the lady with the dogs....she said 'Hello' (Yes,stupidly I forgot about the Hell bit...) I was totally unprepared for what happened next because my brain heard my mouth saying "Oh, hi, can I walk with you for a bit?" My brain was screaming "NO DON'T DO THIS", but the rest of me had other ideas. She showed me her route, we talked for 10 whole minutes and we watched the sunrise together. This was not in my plan at all, I have no wish to even begin to get to know any more women, I have three close female friends (who don't know each other) and I do not want to give anyone else even the slightest chance of getting into my life. I cannot risk getting hurt again.
OK, a bit of background information. I was an only child, we had a farm. During my pre-school years I only socialised with 3 of my cousins (boys) and 2 neighbours (boys). When I got to school the teacher sat me next to a boy who was slightly older saying 'there, a quiet boy and a quiet girl together'. When the class was moved around a few weeks later I found myself sitting next to a girl and we became friends. One day 2 new girls (sisters) turned up and my friend said that she wasn't my friend anymore because she wanted to play with these 2 new girls. I said 'OK, but I am still your friend' and went off to play with the boys. We had nick names in the first couple of years at school, mine was Cassie (after Cassius Clay, because I won all my fights....do you see how appropriate that quote from Rocky was now?) I stopped fighting at about age 7 and from ages 7-11 I had quite a few friends who were girls.
I helped my dad on the farm quite a bit and that's how I messed up the joint in my left foot. He used to get me to help him unhitch wagons from the tractor and one day, when I was 14, he had a 'new' wagon which was in fact a lot older than his others, and the drawbar was heavy - iron, so when I tried to hold it loosely with one hand as he drove away it was too heavy and I dropped it on my foot. The thing is, I was concentrating on getting out of the way quickly because the tractors never had decent brakes, so I never really thought about the rest of the equation. My dad was annoyed because there was work to do and I had fainted with the pain, he simply said "well since you're hurt so you'd better drive the tractor."
So back to this morning, why did I make the stupid mistake of talking to that woman? - because of this thread, because I have enjoyed chatting to all of you, male and female, and that has lulled me into a false sense of security. This is fine because you're not real, I just have to flick a switch and you're not there anymore. I also only ever speak to you from one room, even when I am borrowing my son's laptop, it's always the same room, you can't invade the rest of the house. I kind of wish I had stuck to my original plan, which was to tell you very little and just do updates, but TBH that would have been pointless, it wouldn't have worked. So here I am confused and scared again. The songs in my head today are - I believe in you - Sinead O'Connor ( a good friend lent me this to help me through a really bad time, I have cried to the words of that song so many times) and The Scientist - Coldplay because it isn't easy, this is the hardest thing I have ever done, but hey Jamrox you are right I am facing my demons and they are all going to be kicked out of my life, all except one which I will have to learn to cope with better.
You will. Talk to him! Big risk, I know I have had that same feeling. First holiday without our kids, who were stroppy late teens, I was dreading because we had not been just a couple for ages. Always Mum and Dad, no time for us. I wondered what we would talk about. Well, it was just great not having to appease and pacify the little tyrants. I started to talk about stuff that had been kept secret to me because there were 'demons' in my life that I thought I could never reveal. And do you know what? That brought us closer, even though I thought I was risking rejection.thanks, yes I did need a hug. I'm just not sure about the holiday 'cos it's just me and hubby and I won't have anyone to talk to!
You will. Talk to him! Big risk, I know I have had that same feeling. First holiday without our kids, who were stroppy late teens, I was dreading because we had not been just a couple for ages. Always Mum and Dad, no time for us. I wondered what we would talk about. Well, it was just great not having to appease and pacify the little tyrants. I started to talk about stuff that had been kept secret to me because there were 'demons' in my life that I thought I could never reveal. And do you know what? That brought us closer, even though I thought I was risking rejection.
Ace, zand! You are going swimming!!Yes Debmcgee, that's what I chose in the end too, it's much more feminine. I realised in horror that if I go swimming people would see my legs too - no one has seen them for many years! - so it's going to be a challenge to say the least.
Hi Zand, how is the metformin going? Is it showing any benefits? Apologies if you've gone through this on here; I don't have as much time as I'd like to read up on everything.
Best
Dillinger
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