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Help! I have so much weight to lose

RosieLKH said:
Sorry to hear you're down Zand. I can't imagine anyone just saying they wan't to end a friendship, it must feel so hurtful, far worse than just allowing things to drift apart.

I hope you can put all the horribleness to one side. It's what I find difficult to do and have a tendency to run everything said over and over in my mind. Not much we can say to make it better, but am sending virtual hugs and support.
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thanks Rosie, I'm sending 'thankyou hugs' back. I'm feeling a bit better now, I know I'm not a perfect friend, but I tried to be.
 
Don't take all the responsibility for this on your shoulders, zand.
That isn't how it works.

There are things that emotional adults do, to try and sort out problems before resorting to a Text of Doom.

They try and address their own issues.
They bring up the subject in a non-confrontational way.
They try to see if their behaviour needs adjusting.
They offer solutions, on the understanding that they may, or may not, work.
They express their hurt and distress without declaring ultimatums.
They express regret at the potential loss of a friendship before ending it.
They keep trying for longer than perhaps they should.
When they walk away, it is with a sense of loss, not bitterness.

Did your friend go through any of these with you?

If not, and if their text came out of the blue, then frankly, they are playing emotional blackmail, martyrdom head games, and you may well be better off without them.

I've got... um... 4 friends that I consider close. Two of them I only contact 2 or 3 times a year. It is love and affection and considerateness that makes them friends, not some bargaining score card on how much support is given.
 
Brunneria said:
Don't take all the responsibility for this on your shoulders, zand.
That isn't how it works.

There are things that emotional adults do, to try and sort out problems before resorting to a Text of Doom.

They try and address their own issues.
They bring up the subject in a non-confrontational way.
They try to see if their behaviour needs adjusting.
They offer solutions, on the understanding that they may, or may not, work.
They express their hurt and distress without declaring ultimatums.
They express regret at the potential loss of a friendship before ending it.
They keep trying for longer than perhaps they should.
When they walk away, it is with a sense of loss, not bitterness.

Did your friend go through any of these with you?

If not, and if their text came out of the blue, then frankly, they are playing emotional blackmail, martyrdom head games, and you may well be better off without them.

I've got... um... 4 friends that I consider close. Two of them I only contact 2 or 3 times a year. It is love and affection and considerateness that makes them friends, not some bargaining score card on how much support is given.
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Yes I feel you are right. It was out of the blue. Thank you.

edit: No she didn't do any of those things.
 
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catherinecherub said:
You are still you, the new, improved you.

It hurts when a friend decides to move on without us but some people will become part of your history and not part of your future. Even if you go through life with one true friend, someone who loves you for who you are, who is there for you day and night, who will tell you when you make mistakes and laugh and cry with you, what more do you need? Quality not quantity is the answer. People who worry about how many friends they have don't see the bigger picture. One is all that is needed to get through life. You can have thousands of acquaintances but one true friend is priceless.

You are changing your outlook on life and she has chosen not to go along for the ride. You have to respect her decision as well as knowing that you can move on without her. You will get over this rejection when you process it. Ask yourself how things will change for you now that she is not around. I bet there isn't much that you will miss because you are now changing your outlook and doing all in your power to move away from your past, a past that did not make you happy.
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This is one of the nicest posts I've ever read!
@zand I also think this is great advice.
Big hugs x a zillion
 
Zand I have been thinking about this all day and I am sorry about my comment earlier...it was suposed to make you feel better and not your fault...I think it made you feel worse:(

I agree with all the above comments - much better put than I could!
 
aqualung said:
Zand I have been thinking about this all day and I am sorry about my comment earlier...it was suposed to make you feel better and not your fault...I think it made you feel worse:(

I agree with all the above comments - much better put than I could!
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I don't think you posted anything untoward and don't think Zand did either. When I look back at the 2 friendships where I lost what I thought were 2 good friends, I was able to realise that actually weren't at all. A good friend needs to understand when people need to talk through major problems and be supportive. I bet you give loads to others and frequently put yourself at the bottom of the pecking order. FYI I love all my new virtual friends on this forum and send you all a huge virtual hug!
 
aqualung said:
Zand I have been thinking about this all day and I am sorry about my comment earlier...it was suposed to make you feel better and not your fault...I think it made you feel worse:(

I agree with all the above comments - much better put than I could!
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No, no, no, you did not make things worse. You helped me, really, since this morning I have had another horrid text. It was so helpful to remember your comments and I do know it's not my fault.......Oh, please make comments again when I need them because they are all helpful, I really don't want you to be put off posting because you think you made me feel worse. You really did not. You made me feel better - just like all the other comments did.:)
 
....zand, I'm sorry you've had all these problems lately, especially the one about your friend who texted you...you are both probably moving in different directions....don't feel too sad because if she didn't want to try to save your friendship then she wasn't a good friend to you....

....aaaaaand you're a lovely, kind person, you mustn't put yourself down.....who was it who took the time to write to me last week when I was down over the death of somebody I knew through this cyber world...you know I was very touched by it....:) hugs XX

edit...I forgot to say that for all the negative things that have happened to you on here this last week, I bet they're far outweighed by the positives for you on this forum..
 
Zand I suspect that you supported your friend more than you think - but you also have a life and need to prioritise which areas get attention and when. There is only so much you can do ;)
@Brunneria has said it all far better than I ever could, so I won't try, except to say "hear hear ":)

You are very well liked and well regarded on here, and that's really something :) I'm sorry you are having a cra**y time right now, but it will pass. As for your ex friend, I can't help but feel that it's her loss. She was lucky to have you as a friend.

Signy
 
zand said:
OK, so I've 'phoned her. I can't tell you what was said, but the friendship is over and I'm not sure who I am anymore.
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This has really annoyed me , you don't deserve to be treated like that and you are better off without her . You are on a journey and about to start a new chapter in your life , she doesn't deserve to be in it.
DO NOT SPEND ANY MORE TIME THINKING ABOUT HER ...GOOD RIDDANCE. You know it could be people like her who have held you back if she doesn't like how you are evolving xx
Sorry for the rant

Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 
Brunneria said:
Don't take all the responsibility for this on your shoulders, zand.
That isn't how it works.

There are things that emotional adults do, to try and sort out problems before resorting to a Text of Doom.

They try and address their own issues.
They bring up the subject in a non-confrontational way.
They try to see if their behaviour needs adjusting.
They offer solutions, on the understanding that they may, or may not, work.
They express their hurt and distress without declaring ultimatums.
They express regret at the potential loss of a friendship before ending it.
They keep trying for longer than perhaps they should.
When they walk away, it is with a sense of loss, not bitterness.

Did your friend go through any of these with you?

If not, and if their text came out of the blue, then frankly, they are playing emotional blackmail, martyrdom head games, and you may well be better off without them.

I've got... um... 4 friends that I consider close. Two of them I only contact 2 or 3 times a year. It is love and affection and considerateness that makes them friends, not some bargaining score card on how much support is given.
Click to expand...

Totally agree


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 
It seems to me your "friend" sent that text to get attention. She probably dug herself a big hole that she can't get out of and I'll bet she now regrets sending it.

I don't think many people do have a lot of close friends. I'm not a naturally trusting person and I'm very sociable with people. I have a circle of friends but I don't confide much in many. I probably have 3 that I do confide in. One I see daily because she is a colleague, although we can go for days without contact. We aren't in each other's pockets. Another lives about 15 miles away but we rarely text or phone and probably see each other about 5 times a year. However we can discuss anything and we don't mind having differences of opinion. Another is turkish and I see her twice a year. She's very bossy, but one of the kindest people I've ever met (this is true of most turkish people). We have laughed and cried a lot together.

My younger sister is 45 and has loads of close friends. She is especially close to 2. They began school together, aged 4, and have been close ever since. I've had more of an unsettled childhood than my sister. We have different fathers and had different upbringing.

We are all different and even though it hurts now Zand, you will recover. You gave a different life now. Different interests and different priorities.

I've waffled, sorry, but you'll be pleased and relieved to know I deleted half of it :-)




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I have 4 really good friends locally and a few far away.
I don't expect my friends to all support me, I can't even say why we are friends we just are unconditionally . Do you know that there are 2 types of people in this world, those who give ( which I think you probably are ) and those who take ( which it sounds like your friend is ). When you have started thinking about you instead of her she doesn't like it because you are no longer fulfilling your giving roll and she has turned on you and is off to find someone else to take from ...hope that makes sense.Its meant to be a positive message but I don't know if it will read that way.

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peacetrain said:
It seems to me your "friend" sent that text to get attention. She probably dug herself a big hole that she can't get out of and I'll bet she now regrets sending it.

I don't think many people do have a lot of close friends. I'm not a naturally trusting person and I'm very sociable with people. I have a circle of friends but I don't confide much in many. I probably have 3 that I do confide in. One I see daily because she is a colleague, although we can go for days without contact. We aren't in each other's pockets. Another lives about 15 miles away but we rarely text or phone and probably see each other about 5 times a year. However we can discuss anything and we don't mind having differences of opinion. Another is turkish and I see her twice a year. She's very bossy, but one of the kindest people I've ever met (this is true of most turkish people). We have laughed and cried a lot together.

My younger sister is 45 and has loads of close friends. She is especially close to 2. They began school together, aged 4, and have been close ever since. I've had more of an unsettled childhood than my sister. We have different fathers and had different upbringing.

We are all different and even though it hurts now Zand, you will recover. You gave a different life now. Different interests and different priorities.

I've waffled, sorry, but you'll be pleased and relieved to know I deleted half of it :)




Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
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Awww, bet the other half was just as good!
 
Pollylocks said:
....zand, I'm sorry you've had all these problems lately, especially the one about your friend who texted you...you are both probably moving in different directions....don't feel too sad because if she didn't want to try to save your friendship then she wasn't a good friend to you....

....aaaaaand you're a lovely, kind person, you mustn't put yourself down.....who was it who took the time to write to me last week when I was down over the death of somebody I knew through this cyber world...you know I was very touched by it....:) hugs XX

edit...I forgot to say that for all the negative things that have happened to you on here this last week, I bet they're far outweighed by the positives for you on this forum..
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Thanks, no I don't feel sad now. I was just confused by the text.

re your edit...yes you are right ...I agree totally. I'm just cross with myself for the negative stuff I caused to happen, but hey, I'll learn.
 
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Funny how things appear on Facebook at just the right time.

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Jamrox said:
I have 4 really good friends locally and a few far away.
I don't expect my friends to all support me, I can't even say why we are friends we just are unconditionally . Do you know that there are 2 types of people in this world, those who give ( which I think you probably are ) and those who take ( which it sounds like your friend is ). When you have started thinking about you instead of her she doesn't like it because you are no longer fulfilling your giving roll and she has turned on you and is off to find someone else to take from ...hope that makes sense.Its meant to be a positive message but I don't know if it will read that way.

Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
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yes that makes sense Jamrox and it does come across as a positive message. .....as do your other couple of posts.
Thanks
 
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