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Help me help my friend please

S

Sugarplumnot

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5
Ok where do I start. My friends partner has type2 a normal reading for him is 230 sugars coupled with high blood pressure of 250/180 impressive figures hu! He is in complete denial he doesn't take any responsibility at all his last doctor he saw was feb when the dr said he had to take tablets for both and statins for his cholesterol, and he hasn't seen a dr since he has got a repeat script, he works abroad, so it does make things difficult a little. He has been diabetic for at least 4 years now. The next bit is all the things that is going on and what she is worried about; memory loss not to bad but enough to be noticed, thinking he has done things when he hasn't mood swings like a child of which I have witnessed also, depression, sleeps a lot, diarrhoea about once a week especially when over indulging, creaked heels, pins and needles in fingers and down the outside of his leg he thought his Mobil was vibrating in his pocket... Lack of concentration not retaining names or conversations, just had, losing things, will lose track of conversations and start talking about random topics, he gets upset over stupid things and agree when things aren't going his was just like a teen. Redness in his face and bloating sweating excessively, out of breath when exerting himself. these are just a few things I am sure there are many more, she is very worried and doesn't know what to do is all this down to the diabetes? Is it all going to get worse. He is 55 years old over weight 17-18 stone I would say, he eats sweets, drinks beer wine and fizzy drinks, juice by the bucket load he eats oversized portions chips and junk when he isn't at home, she does what she can to give him a balance diet food wise mainly veg salads with little carbs plus small little pubs mouthfuls with good fresh fruit nuts and berries to try and curb his sweet tooth, but he washes it all down with coke or beer wine juice what ever is too hand and by the time she has cleaned the table away he will have a ice cream in his hand. He eats at least 500grams of sweets a day 2lts of juice a bottle of coke then the beer or wine on top, he will eat bread as he passed the kitchen just for something to eat prob about half a loaf a day... Plus cakes biscuits, all that he buys as she doesn't buy them any more. Please what does she do to get through to him, is this normal? How long can his body take this? She is so worried that she is going to get a call saying he is really ill,
 
Sorry forgot to say he has meds but he seems to think he can take them like head ache tabs just when he is feeling really bad then he thinks he will be ok again. Although we all are very worried about him our main consern is his partner. It drives her mad that she doesn't seem to be able to get through to him. Or that he just doesn't care it her we need to help point out what she needs to look out for and to help her understand what is happening I know this post sounds strange and unreal in places but what do we as friends do to help the, both
 
If you do not have the co-operation of the patient then you might as well give up. This man sounds like he will not give up his pleasures in order to lengthen his life. So be it.

Heartless though it sounds I think your friend should look to her own security for the future since I don't think her provider is going to make old bones.
 
Sorry, this is an issue for your friend and their partner. If they aren't interested, I don't honestly see how you think you can make a difference.

If I started looking into my wifes friends affairs they'd tell me to sod off and mind my own business and it would be to the detriment of their relationship. Same if one of my wifes friends was poking their noses into my business, I'd be very offended, no matter how well they meant.

My only advice??? Back off!!!
Get your own life!

Mart.
 
Ok back off! What back off from my friend that cries buckets when her partner goes away for months on end never knowing if she is going to see him again, back off from my friend that needs support and advise that I can not give her as I don't know much about this subject, we her friends want to help her, she feels alone tired and frustrated, I thought that the whole point of forums like this was for positive advise I put this post on as I thought that maybe others may have experienced similar things, and maybe they could share with us how to help her, we realise for him unless he doesn't want to do anything we can't make him although it was us friends that eventually got him to a dr after she had spent 4 years trying... Now it's up to him we know that but she needs help and the only people to help her is her friends as he is not recognising what it is doing to her, I thought that forums like this was to support people that was finding it hard to cope with their illness and advise their partners families and friends to help them understand what the person with the illness was going through! Obviously I have that wrong back off I am sure and happy as you can write such a sweeping remark that you and your partner have no such issues of being able to come to terms with your illnesses and that you can both communicate with each other for that I am happy for you, but the world isn't always as black and white, it isn't for my friend and don't you think that this is a last resort for us to come here and say such things we have tried reading all the websites but quite honest we have found them a little intimidating maybe the wrong word but over whelming with all the information and not having anyone to explain it to us, we don't have a diabetic nurse sitting here and she has tried to see one to discuss things but she is unable unless she has diabetes. Thank you for the positive notes though to everyone that has a valid positive view but I don't think I will be coming back here for help I will try and found somewhere else or someone else to try and give us some support to support her
 
And by the way I have my own life and part of that life is that I care about the people I love in my life not just family but friends as well and this is called sharing and supporting my friend I also care about people that I don't know and would help anyone in anyway I can to get help if they needed it this is called humanity I believe
 
My point is my wife and I communicate. If she wanted me to do something and I set my heart against it, with all the will in the world, she would never change my mind. If I wanted support she's be there as am I for her. She has breast cancer by the way, amongst other problems. If my wife couldn't influence me, her friends sticking their oar in would get my back up even more.
Be there for your friend by all means, you obviously care a lot and that is commendable. I don't see how you can influence someone when their own partner cannot, that is all. The person with the condition has to want to change. They know the consequences and if that isn't enough to make them change their ways, then nothing will. Retinopathy, organ failure, proximal neurosis, hypos all strike fear in me. I'm by no means perfect but I try to look after myself! I have 2 teenage daughters with boyfriends and there's no way anyone else is walking them down the aisle. Going blind and heart problems are my biggest fear, along with blood clots as one nearly killed me. I changed my lifestyle and habits and changed them fast. What do they care about? What is their influence in life, do the fact that the above symptoms are not a case of if, rather when they will happen bother them in the slightest. I think your friend needs to tell the partner a few strong home truths and they need a reminder and a kick up the pants to remind them of the consequences. I hope this all ends up with a positive outcome and you are a lovely caring person. My father in law was T2 unemployed and smoked all day in a reclining chair. He wouldn't listen to anyone and my brother in law found him dead in in his chair with his feet up. He was so obstinate and knew what would happen and didn't give a toss. He knew he was killing himself and didn't care. I think I know what I'm talking about, so spare the lecture please, this is a difficult matter for me. I don't want to talk about this again. Thanks for the almighty pre-judgement, know all. I was trying to help from experience. Goodbye
 
What's happened to this forum all everyone does is argue all they were doing was asking for a bit of advice it's what us women do we try to help our friends if they are in need


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It's very normal for people to be in denial once they've been diagnosed with diabetes. Shock diagnoses like that often follow a similar cycle to bereavement or other upsetting events. People often cannot grasp the seriousness of their condition and will palm it off and not think it's a big deal.

There is some advice here that you, your friend and her partner might find helpful: http://www.diabetes.co.uk/emotions/deal ... enial.html
 
You want to help your friend, thats great. It's good to have friends like you. If neither your friend or anyone else can show this man what he's doing is going to shorten his life and/or make him seriously ill, how can we be expected to help? You can't tell him to change, he has to realise the need for change himself. All you can do is show him web sites like this and any other information you can find. If he will read it and take it on board then you have done your friend a great thing. If he won't take any notice then in my opinion only, leave him to make his own way and concentrate on being there for your friend, she is obviously willing to respond to your help.

Is he in denial do you think? Diabetes can hit some people very hard. And the thought of having to control it by watching what you eat and in most cases, with medication too could be just too much for him to admit.

I don't know how much of this site and our posts you have managed to read, you sound as though you've had enough, but for his sake and to help you a bit more, try reading other areas of the site. You will find posts from people such as myself who have managed to get the diabetes under control to the point where we don't need medication. We aren't cured (although that's a sore point for some! We DO love to argue). There are those who are controlling their diabetes with minimal medication and strong willpower by following a low carb diet. These are only helpful to someone who wants help, otherwise I have to support what others have said. Let him get on with it his way, just help your friend.

Good luck
 
Shzz46 said:
What's happened to this forum all everyone does is argue all they were doing was asking for a bit of advice it's what us women do we try to help our friends if they are in need


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Just ignore them. There's been a large influx of newbies to the site over the last couple of weeks and I'm sure everyone is just finding their way. It's very unusual to get so many people joining at the same time. I've never known it like this. There are new people joining every day which is great news in the end ... the more the better informed we will all be. The new post list is refreshing many times a day rather than every few days or so .... that's how busy it is all of a sudden.
 
I am sorry that my post has started a forum argument as I have said in other posts we their friends are more concerned about her and supporting her but none of us know that much about diabetes, I am as now looking at other postings manly on other sites I have however asked for this post to be taken down as I do not like conflict and never have I don't think I was judgement to anyone I was just asking what the best way to support my friend was and if anyone could help give advise but it's no use asking for advise without the whole story thank you everyone that has given me some really good advise and the emotions looks very informative so good luck all take care of you and your loved ones and thanks once again
 
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