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Amy8668

Amy8668

Active Member
Messages
29
Type of diabetes
Family member
Treatment type
Insulin
My boyfriend has type 1 diabetes and was diagnosed at 16, he is now 25 and still not controlling his diabetes. When I first met him at 24 he would eat what ever he likes (huge slabs of cake, chocolate, sweets etc) and do his insulin 2-3 times a week. Since I have met him I try to ensure he does it every night (lantus) I have to nag at him every night and I do it for him as he says he struggles to do it. At the moment he is still living at home, and his mum is in control of his diet (poorly). For his lunch she will give him 3-4 chocolate bars, pasta and lots of stuff, the house is full of chocolate and sweets and she is always offering cake. I have said to him if he doesn't stop eating so much sugary stuff or not doing insulin to compensate then I do not want to start looking for houses to move out as I am willing to fully commit to someone that is going to end up with numerous complications. With that he said he would try not too, he still has 3 chocolate bars in his lunch and as soon as I am not there he will pig out on stuff and lie about it. I am at the end of my tether and unsure what to do now, he knows.all the complications that can happen as he has seen it with his nan that is also type 1. Can anyone please help as I love him and want to be with him but I can't handle it anymore! Please help!!!
 
You are obviously a very caring person over your boyfriends diabetes. I can see that you have a very difficult situation in that your boyfriend isn't helping himself in controlling his own diabetes and this situation is considerably worsened by his mother's lack of knowledge in her choice of diet for her own diabetic son. She's probably not even fully aware of the harm that she is bringing about even dispite knowing of other members in the family who suffer from diabetes.
Obviously things need to change as they cannot continue as they are. If deep down he also beleives in your joint future together, then he must make the decision all by himself to change his ways. Hopefully he will decide to do this.
That will solve one of the root problems, but there is still the one of his mother and here disasterous choice of diet. That's probably harder to resolve as she would most probably resent someone interfering in her houshold, so diplomacy might well be needed. Can you assist her with the cooking, letting her think that she is deciding what to prepare for the meals, but secretly it's you that is controlling the diet in your boyfriend's household and at the same time cutting out all the bad food items and junk foods.
I'm diabetic myself, and for the last 36 years I looked after my elderly father until he passed away a few years ago. I did all the cooking in my household and unknown to him (he had no diabetic knowledge) I would regularly prepare meals that were diabetic friendly, nourishing and tasty and though I never got any compliments on what was placed on the dining table, there was always a clean plate.
I would often made cassoroles, making enough for not just the immediate meal, but enough so that additional portions could be kept in the freezer for several subsequent meals. It's a thought, but you would at least know that your boyfriend has a suitable meal there in the freezer.
 
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I find it unbelievable that a mother would actually give that stuff to her diabetic son! I get on very well with his family, but I feel as though if I say something I will be criticising her parenting skills and that.
I do try to cook him meals 1-2 times a week but he's sugar levels must already be sky high with what he has already eaten. He will not test his blood sugar, he will only do it when he is feeling particularly terrible.
I don't think I would be able to help her with dinners as she has quite a routine, Monday roast, Tuesday fry up... Etc.

I am unsure whether I continue nagging and nagging and making our relationship go down hill, or just sit back and let him potentially kill himself? It just seems like a losing battle, he has improved a lot, but no where near good enough!

Thanks for your response!
 
This is a hard one. For a long time I was in denial about my diabetes and never really faced it head on. I have now in the last few month really started to do this and have with the help of my Wife who know understands more of what is involved. The difficulty you have is that the change really needs to come from him otherwise I donot think things will really change. The thing that really did it for me was reading some of the harrowing storys here.

I am sure if he relises the severity of his condition then he will change his ways.
 
hi Amy Im married to a type 1 and thankfully he is in great shape and really looks after himself i really feel for u hun what a horrible situation to be stuck in but honestly the only thing that will help him is when he is ready to help himself i don't think its your job to talk to his family at 25 he should be doin this and be old enough to educate himself on the condition and realise he may be ok now but his actions now could cause horrible health issues in the future maybe offer to go to see his dsn with him leave books leaflets lying around lol but i don't think nagging or rowing will help he is young and its alot to deal with for anyone tell him u want him well and healthy for as long as poss cause u love him Im sure in time he will buck himself up people with a lifelong condition sometimes go through this sometimes more than once were thinking about it day after day is just to much we will never understand this as partners our job is to be there and support the best we can the last thing he needs is a stress head for a girlfriend lol honestly good luck hun have fun together and i betya sooner rather than later little changes will start happing x

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It would appear that 9 years down the line he is still in a stage of denial and thinks he can eat as before, mind his mum should know better. I wonder if you did move in together you could change his eating habits as he won't have mum making his lunch or offering him cake all the time, no guarantees but just my thoughts as you clearly love him and don't want to split-up.

Whatever you do I wish you both the best of happiness!
 
Thanks for all your comments so far. The thing is I'm not sure if he is in denial or if he just basically don't care what happens to him, it seems as though he just don't care! He knows what he should and shouldn't do... But still just does it without a thought. I did think maybe it would get better when we move out, or is he just going to sneak things at work? It seems as though nothing will go through to him! I don't want to end up just basically being a carer for him.

Thanks again for your help guys x
 
Amy8668 said:
Thanks for all your comments so far. The thing is I'm not sure if he is in denial or if he just basically don't care what happens to him, it seems as though he just don't care! He knows what he should and shouldn't do... But still just does it without a thought. I did think maybe it would get better when we move out, or is he just going to sneak things at work? It seems as though nothing will go through to him! I don't want to end up just basically being a carer for him.

Thanks again for your help guys x
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I don't know how he'd react to this suggestion but have you thought about going along with him to his next diabetes review, they let partners go in with the patient and perhaps this might be a good opportunity to explain to his consultant/gp what is happening with regards to his diet and injections, of course you'd need your partners permission to do this and he may well refuse, apart from that I'm not sure what you could do, Diabetes UK have a care-line and perhaps they could make some suggestions that might help.
 
Thanks for your suggestion, his last appointment I went along with him, but he's doctor was happy with his results from his blood tests, I think it's like a yearly one and gives the averages, and he's had gone from 15 odd to about 10 so his doctor was pleased with the results, although I believe 7 was his target so I didn't think I should I interrupt. It's hard to say anything without coming across as an extremely moany girlfriend!
 
Hi. Sorry to hear about your troubles.

I too found it hard to come to terms with my diabetes and it took me about 10 years I think! In that time I had periods of really good control and really bad periods too. However my main problem was swinging high and low which gave a good HBA1c (average) but left me feeling really tired and awful most of the time. The sudden drops in blood sugar also made me very very hungry and I would eat huge quantities of food which mostly involved carbohydrates and a lot of sweet stuff. I too hid this from my husband as afterwards I felt quite ashamed and I also felt trying to control my sugar levels very hopeless. The reasons I'm posting this is in the hope that it may shed some light on some of his behaviours. However I always did take my insulin, so he must be feeling exceptionally awful if he's not taking it regularly.

I would suggest maybe trying to encourage him to join this forum so he can let other people know how he is feeling. Although he has your love and support you don't have diabetes so it might be helpful for him to talk to other people who do - I wish I had found this forum sooner!! Although my husband tries to support me and will listen to my diabetes related moans he doesn't know exactly how it feels.

I have also found low carbing has really helped to stop me eating stupid quantities of food and helped to control my blood sugars (the last time I pigged out was 9months ago which for me is amazing!). Even lowering his carbs a bit and stopping eating the cakes and. Sweet stuff may help to make him feel better.

If he is really against injecting would he consider a pump? Although it is attached to you 24/7 I was just wondering if this would be preferable to a needle for injecting? And the cannula only has to be changed every 2/3 days.

Unfortunately I would agree with the other people that have said he needs to be willing to help himself & all you can do is love and support him and encourage him to seek help.

I hope this helps a little!


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Patch13 said:
Hi. Sorry to hear about your troubles.

I too found it hard to come to terms with my diabetes and it took me about 10 years I think! In that time I had periods of really good control and really bad periods too. However my main problem was swinging high and low which gave a good HBA1c (average) but left me feeling really tired and awful most of the time. The sudden drops in blood sugar also made me very very hungry and I would eat huge quantities of food which mostly involved carbohydrates and a lot of sweet stuff. I too hid this from my husband as afterwards I felt quite ashamed and I also felt trying to control my sugar levels very hopeless. The reasons I'm posting this is in the hope that it may shed some light on some of his behaviours. However I always did take my insulin, so he must be feeling exceptionally awful if he's not taking it regularly.

I would suggest maybe trying to encourage him to join this forum so he can let other people know how he is feeling. Although he has your love and support you don't have diabetes so it might be helpful for him to talk to other people who do - I wish I had found this forum sooner!! Although my husband tries to support me and will listen to my diabetes related moans he doesn't know exactly how it feels.

I have also found low carbing has really helped to stop me eating stupid quantities of food and helped to control my blood sugars (the last time I pigged out was 9months ago which for me is amazing!). Even lowering his carbs a bit and stopping eating the cakes and. Sweet stuff may help to make him feel better.

If he is really against injecting would he consider a pump? Although it is attached to you 24/7 I was just wondering if this would be preferable to a needle for injecting? And the cannula only has to be changed every 2/3 days.

Unfortunately I would agree with the other people that have said he needs to be willing to help himself & all you can do is love and support him and encourage him to seek help.

I hope this helps a little!


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Thanks for your post, I feel that has really helped me to think maybe there is some hope for him!

As you said I do not have diabetes so I don't understand, I can't understand why someone would put there life at risk, for basically the sake of a chocolate bar. I don't eat any sweet stuff around him as I think it's unfair to him. But I just feel as of he has no respect for me or our future, I think there is a lot more to it than that, but it is something I don't understand.

I just suggested joining this forum, in a casual just come across it way and his response was "why would I want to be reminded I have diabetes constantly".

His DR also suggested the pump idea to him, which I thought was a good idea, but he doesn't like the idea of having something constantly attached to him, and I do get that completely.

You said about hiding eating sugary stuff and then feeling ashamed, I'm not sure if he's ashamed but he will go to the toilet and eat a twirl and pretend to be going to the toilet, I know exactly what he is doing and get the ump and be grumpy with him!

Thanks again
 
Wow, what a difficult position to be in. The GP doesn't sound very good. He should not be accepting10 as 'OK' even though it isa reduction. It is still dangerously high and 7 is a good target as you say. If your boyfriend doesn't radically change his habits he will have very serious health issues in later life. His Mother obviously doesn't understand how serious the condition is. I think you may have to have a separate, quiet word with her explaining the sort of diet he needs. I wish you luck
 
Amy8668 said:
Thanks for your post, I feel that has really helped me to think maybe there is some hope for him!

As you said I do not have diabetes so I don't understand, I can't understand why someone would put there life at risk, for basically the sake of a chocolate bar. I don't eat any sweet stuff around him as I think it's unfair to him. But I just feel as of he has no respect for me or our future, I think there is a lot more to it than that, but it is something I don't understand.

I just suggested joining this forum, in a casual just come across it way and his response was "why would I want to be reminded I have diabetes constantly".

His DR also suggested the pump idea to him, which I thought was a good idea, but he doesn't like the idea of having something constantly attached to him, and I do get that completely.

You said about hiding eating sugary stuff and then feeling ashamed, I'm not sure if he's ashamed but he will go to the toilet and eat a twirl and pretend to be going to the toilet, I know exactly what he is doing and get the ump and be grumpy with him!

Thanks again
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You're right that it doesn't make any sense that he keeps eating sugary stuff when it's making him ill. but does it make sense that a obese person continues to eat loads of food when they are house bound because of their weight? My point is that He probably knows what he is doing is ridiculous and making him sick (I certainly did) but it's a hard thing to break. If he's eating in the toilet that suggests he knows what he is doing is wrong and he also probably doesn't want to argue about his eating with you but maybe can't stop himself.

I hated the thought of the pump too
But finally decided to get one to see if it could make a difference. It certainly made things easier. Maybe one day he will consider one.



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Amy8668 said:
Thanks for your suggestion, his last appointment I went along with him, but he's doctor was happy with his results from his blood tests, I think it's like a yearly one and gives the averages, and he's had gone from 15 odd to about 10 so his doctor was pleased with the results, although I believe 7 was his target so I didn't think I should I interrupt. It's hard to say anything without coming across as an extremely moany girlfriend!
Click to expand...


Well that is a good reduction in Hba1c but he's still has some way to go.

Usually at the clinic appointments they ask about diet so I'm just wondering does he duck & dive this question and doesn't confess to his sweet tooth? Diabetes or not it's no good for anyone to eat so much sugar in their diet and he really does need to think about the future, at 25 years old he should have a long life ahead of him still and the last thing he needs is complications in his 30's or 40's.

Hope he comes to his senses sometime soon!
 
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