Hi everyone. I am a Mum of a diabetic and have just joined and could do with some advice. My son 29 now (who was diagnosed at the age of 3) He is in a relationship and recently became engaged to a lovely girl, unfortunately she has no understanding of diabetes, and I have tried to explain to her about it, and advise her without trying to be a know it all and upset her or frighten her. I don't think she realises how important certain things are. Due to her lack of knowledge (I think) she can't comprehend the importance of meal times etc. Any advice on how to tactfully ! explain this. Another worry is that my son was admitted on Sunday as he had Cellulitis and a blood sugar of over 39!!! , with this innocence I don't think she has any realisation of the severity of this problem. My son is hopefully due to come out from hospital if things go well tomorrow, and I am concerned (as a Mum would be) as she is insisting he goes to her on release, a friend of hers is going to pick him up, ok I dont have a problem with any of that, only that she will be at work, and the fact there are 3 boisterous dogs and 2 very bull in a china shop type children. I also picked up on a bit of a worry, as the friend that is picking my son up, if discharged, had cellulitis a few weeks ago, and she is bragging about how she was walking her dogs when she should have been resting and while in hospital she was up and down stairs and walking around and thinks it funny. She does not have diabetes, and has a lot of influence with my future daughter in-law. So worry, that they won't realise just how serious it can be for a diabetic. Please can anyone advise me on how to handle this situation. I don't want to go in all guns blazing as have already upset unintentionally my daughter in-law. I went out of my way not to do that, but for some reason she is and after tonights experience with her, I am now stepping back so my son doesn't have a hard time. Any advice would be greatfully appreciated
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Hi there just registered. I could do with some advice
- Thread starter dondiago
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Hi everyone. I am a Mum of a diabetic and have just joined and could do with some advice. My son 29 now (who was diagnosed at the age of 3) He is in a relationship and recently became engaged to a lovely girl, unfortunately she has no understanding of diabetes, and I have tried to explain to her about it, and advise her without trying to be a know it all and upset her or frighten her. I don't think she realises how important certain things are. Due to her lack of knowledge (I think) she can't comprehend the importance of meal times etc. Any advice on how to tactfully ! explain this. Another worry is that my son was admitted on Sunday as he had Cellulitis and a blood sugar of over 39!!! , with this innocence I don't think she has any realisation of the severity of this problem. My son is hopefully due to come out from hospital if things go well tomorrow, and I am concerned (as a Mum would be) as she is insisting he goes to her on release, a friend of hers is going to pick him up, ok I dont have a problem with any of that, only that she will be at work, and the fact there are 3 boisterous dogs and 2 very bull in a china shop type children. I also picked up on a bit of a worry, as the friend that is picking my son up, if discharged, had cellulitis a few weeks ago, and she is bragging about how she was walking her dogs when she should have been resting and while in hospital she was up and down stairs and walking around and thinks it funny. She does not have diabetes, and has a lot of influence with my future daughter in-law. So worry, that they won't realise just how serious it can be for a diabetic. Please can anyone advise me on how to handle this situation. I don't want to go in all guns blazing as have already upset unintentionally my daughter in-law. I went out of my way not to do that, but for some reason she is and after tonights experience with her, I am now stepping back so my son doesn't have a hard time. Any advice would be greatfully appreciatedlilibet
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Does your son manage his own diabetes? I dont mean to sound too harsh or accusatory when you are having a hard time but it is ultimately his responsibility to eat when he needs to eat, take his own meds etc. It may be that you daughter in law may be taking her cues from him if he doesnt make a fuss and downplays thing and thereby she likely thinks you are being overprotective
I know I have told my family about what to do if I have an uncontrolled hypo and my sister wants to learn to inject me in the event I am unwell and can't do it myself but ultimately this is hopefully only extreme situations and the rest of it basically up to me.
Could you arrange for her to meet with his Doc and diabetic clinic nurse to discuss it, especially in light of the recent crisis admission etc? Is there literature you could give her, leaflets and the like or even a simplified book. Let her see what the complications are in the event of poorly controlled diabetes - whilst not wishing to speak for diabetic population, it is this information I think that tends to keep us all desperate to be as good as we can.
You could maybe have this one last try and then hope she sees she has a vested interest in helping in to keep well for the rest of his life.
Regards
L
I know I have told my family about what to do if I have an uncontrolled hypo and my sister wants to learn to inject me in the event I am unwell and can't do it myself but ultimately this is hopefully only extreme situations and the rest of it basically up to me.
Could you arrange for her to meet with his Doc and diabetic clinic nurse to discuss it, especially in light of the recent crisis admission etc? Is there literature you could give her, leaflets and the like or even a simplified book. Let her see what the complications are in the event of poorly controlled diabetes - whilst not wishing to speak for diabetic population, it is this information I think that tends to keep us all desperate to be as good as we can.
You could maybe have this one last try and then hope she sees she has a vested interest in helping in to keep well for the rest of his life.
Regards
L
chocoholic
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Oh, I really feel for you. It's hard at times for us mums-in-law. I think lilbet is right though. When my son rolled his car over a few years back and smashed his arm to bits, he was told to rest it as much as possible and not lift anything heavy. I got angry with my daughter-in-law because she "let" my son go ten-pin bowling of all things and "let" him lift other heavy things too. I ended up in tears of frustration when he had to have his arm operated on again, as I'd have looked after him far more responsibly myself. It was only when my mum told me look at things again and realise that if my son wants to do something, HE will do it, regardless of what others tell him.My daughter-in-law didn't "let" him do stupid things. He chose to do them himself. Of course, my mum was right. My son is a year younger than yours. Can you see the similarities?
You sound just like me. All you want to do is protect your flesh and blood. My advice is to speak to your son, with back-up leafelts, about the dangers of long-term complications if he doesn't look after himself. He'll probably moan about being nagged but when you've left, he'll read the leaflets and probably pass them to your daughter-in-law too to read. The rest is up to your son.
I so understand where you are coming from but you can only do so much.Sending you a big virtual hug, from one mum who cares, to another.
You sound just like me. All you want to do is protect your flesh and blood. My advice is to speak to your son, with back-up leafelts, about the dangers of long-term complications if he doesn't look after himself. He'll probably moan about being nagged but when you've left, he'll read the leaflets and probably pass them to your daughter-in-law too to read. The rest is up to your son.
I so understand where you are coming from but you can only do so much.Sending you a big virtual hug, from one mum who cares, to another.
Thank you to both of you. I know that my son has to take care of himself, and yes he does to the best of his abilities. He is getting on ok now, but, as he has been told, it will take a loooooooonnnnnngggggg time. When he came back home for a few days (he wanted to as admitted he would feel happier to be honest) I suggested that he went to see his nurse at the Dr's, just to get his leg checked, as it hadnt been seen by a professional since his discharge, also I thought it would be a good idea for our Dr's to actually see it. He asked me to go in with him, as he said he needed me to be with him, so (a) I could help him remember what was said or suggested, also there was information I could pass on to the nurse about his admission to hospital, that he had no idea of as just wasnt with it at all (no surprise there with the sugar level he had) (b) he wanted me to meet the nurse, as he is so pleased with her and her attitude to him and his condition. He has had some horrible experiences with a past diabetic liasion nurse!!!! I met her, and I did talk to my Dr about her attitude, and the way she did (OR DIDN'T ) do things :? I said how I was concerned due to her attitude about my son losing weight so rapidly and I said about how she wasnt taking it seriously, and just got so excited about how much weight he had lost, and kept bouncing about on her seat, and clapping her hands like a little girl, and didnt want to hear anything about the concern that he was losing it far too quickly. I pointed out that they did not have his file anywhere in the room, and the details were not being noted properly, just a jot on a piece of scrap paper!!!! He agreed it wasnt right, and apparently contacted the hospital and and complained. The next time my son went for his appointment, he came home and said....."Mum, they have changed and they actually had my file infront of them!!!!" They also were concerned about how much weight I have lost, and talked in detail about it..Oh yes, that nurse wasnt there, it was different one!" I was pleased, my Dr believed me and did something about it for me. He knows I do not make a fuss over nothing.
I do have to say that I was very impressed by the hospital and staff where my son was. It was reassuring especially with all the horror stories you hear about hospitals these days.
I do have to say that I was very impressed by the hospital and staff where my son was. It was reassuring especially with all the horror stories you hear about hospitals these days.
hanadr
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If your future daughter-in-law truly has your son's best interests at heart, she needs to know what she's taking on. My husband was diagnosed T1 after we were married, but in those 37 years, we've had some real dramas and scares. Usually I had to deal with it. We have had many hospital trips,a stay in ICU and now loads of complications. I'm not saying your son will face all these. In fact if he keeps good control( which wasn't so easy years ago with no meters) he shouldn't. I would give a copy of Bernstein's book to the fiance. If it scares her off, She isn't probably the right one anyway. I know that sounds harsh, but I and many others have coped and not run away.
jopar
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I'm sorry to hear that you son is having a rough time of things at the moment, and it can't be easy standing on the side and watching... It's the hardest thing for a mum to do...
But sadly it might be what you have to do..
At 29 years old he his resposable to take care of his diabetes, it isn't is partners job to do it for him... If he hasn't told her much about his condition or what his dietary needs should be is it really fair to blame his partner... You need to remember we (diabetics)really don't stand out in a crowd, no-one knows that we're diabetic unless we tell them we are, and I know for me yes I am a diabetic but I still want to be normal and be treated by others as a normal person ect...
His stay in hospital might change the way his partner see his diabetes, the doctors and nurses would have discussed high blood sugars ect with both of them and given the kick start that they need to in you sons case that he has to look after himself and in his partner case a insight into the true meaning of being a diabetic and what it intials, so if she loves your son then she will be taking a good long look at what to do next and how to proceed...
I wouldn't go in with all guns blazing, A book I would suggest isn't the Berstien but John walsh's Think like a Pancress as I suspect at this point of time not only would yours sons partner do a runner but also your son as well if given Berstiens book which is what you don't want happening...
Another thing you could try which wouldn't be seen as interfering in there relationship, looking up to his partner and saying you know that if you get concerned you know that I'm always at the end of the phone to talk to! This might encourage her to come and ask for advice, as you never know she might well be concerned about his welfare, but if he's not listening or given the correct inforamtion then she could be feeling very frustrated with him, and worried about approaching you in case she makes you worried!
But sadly it might be what you have to do..
At 29 years old he his resposable to take care of his diabetes, it isn't is partners job to do it for him... If he hasn't told her much about his condition or what his dietary needs should be is it really fair to blame his partner... You need to remember we (diabetics)really don't stand out in a crowd, no-one knows that we're diabetic unless we tell them we are, and I know for me yes I am a diabetic but I still want to be normal and be treated by others as a normal person ect...
His stay in hospital might change the way his partner see his diabetes, the doctors and nurses would have discussed high blood sugars ect with both of them and given the kick start that they need to in you sons case that he has to look after himself and in his partner case a insight into the true meaning of being a diabetic and what it intials, so if she loves your son then she will be taking a good long look at what to do next and how to proceed...
I wouldn't go in with all guns blazing, A book I would suggest isn't the Berstien but John walsh's Think like a Pancress as I suspect at this point of time not only would yours sons partner do a runner but also your son as well if given Berstiens book which is what you don't want happening...
Another thing you could try which wouldn't be seen as interfering in there relationship, looking up to his partner and saying you know that if you get concerned you know that I'm always at the end of the phone to talk to! This might encourage her to come and ask for advice, as you never know she might well be concerned about his welfare, but if he's not listening or given the correct inforamtion then she could be feeling very frustrated with him, and worried about approaching you in case she makes you worried!
Hi there
I am a Type 1, 26 years old. My parents have never managed my diabetes for me and I would not expect them to, neither would I expect my partner to do so. They do love me but they are adults, busy people with busy jobs, as am I. Usually when I go to the clinic I go alone, since I could not ask them to take time off work for me. I agree with the other people who replied, at 29 your son is well old enough to take responsbility for his own health, it should not be down to you or his girlfriend to do it for him. He eats what he eats when he needs to, if it is time when he needs lunch, then he is free to say to his GF, look, I need food now, it should not be down to her or anyone to nag him. But in fact meal times are not as important as they used to be. If you son has the usual type 1 schedule of 3 short and 1 long acting injection per day, he can be flexible with meal times and even skip meals or eat between them. If his long acting insulin is working well then his blood sugars should be steady and he would only need to take short acting if and when he ate meals. I would advise him to go on DAFNE or another structured education course, it really helps, and you can bring in a family member for part of the course too so his GF could be educated in what her responsibilities are (i.e. helping him if he has a bad hypo or is ill) and he can learn to manage his own condition. You are not going to be around forever sadly and I believe your responsibility is to make sure he can look after himself on his own without depending on others to do it for him.
I am a Type 1, 26 years old. My parents have never managed my diabetes for me and I would not expect them to, neither would I expect my partner to do so. They do love me but they are adults, busy people with busy jobs, as am I. Usually when I go to the clinic I go alone, since I could not ask them to take time off work for me. I agree with the other people who replied, at 29 your son is well old enough to take responsbility for his own health, it should not be down to you or his girlfriend to do it for him. He eats what he eats when he needs to, if it is time when he needs lunch, then he is free to say to his GF, look, I need food now, it should not be down to her or anyone to nag him. But in fact meal times are not as important as they used to be. If you son has the usual type 1 schedule of 3 short and 1 long acting injection per day, he can be flexible with meal times and even skip meals or eat between them. If his long acting insulin is working well then his blood sugars should be steady and he would only need to take short acting if and when he ate meals. I would advise him to go on DAFNE or another structured education course, it really helps, and you can bring in a family member for part of the course too so his GF could be educated in what her responsibilities are (i.e. helping him if he has a bad hypo or is ill) and he can learn to manage his own condition. You are not going to be around forever sadly and I believe your responsibility is to make sure he can look after himself on his own without depending on others to do it for him.
Hi, thank you all for your input, I have found some advice helpful. I dont think that I made myself clear. I do not control my son, he controls himself and has done for many years. Im not expecting his girlfriend to take control. She knows she can ring me at anytime, and has done so on a couple of occassions, well, she text and I had to ring my son, as she cant talk on phone very easily, and as she was worried sick about him at the time, she had gone for a walk when I rang. I just want any suggestions of any books people have found good, that she could read so she wont be so scared. My son and I have since my first post spoken to the nurse, and got info on a course they know about, where the patient, and members of family can attend for advice and update information. The nurse thinks that it might be useful for girlfriend to go along with son, and could be like an ice breaker so son will find it easier to talk to her about it all, and also make it easier for her to ask any questions she has.
Thanks again.
Thanks again.
Trinkwasser
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Bernstein is the King of Books.
Others most recommended by insulin users
Pumping Insulin by John Walsh (applies also to non-pumpers)
Think Like A Pancreas by Gary Scheiner
Others most recommended by insulin users
Pumping Insulin by John Walsh (applies also to non-pumpers)
Think Like A Pancreas by Gary Scheiner
Hello, I have read your message, and can only offer personal experience.
My own mother had reason to believe that I was Diabetic from a young age, to the extent that she ignored the local GP advice and took me to London to try and get to the root of the problem that I had periods of feeling lethargic, thirsty and my breath would some smell like 'nail polish'.
I was two years old at this time and nothing was done.
Luckily I went through my life without any problems until recently - March 2008, When after a near Fatal collapse a specialist was referred to me in the A+E department who corectly diagnosed that I was Type 2 Diabetic.
Since this time, I was have not been frightened with the diagnosis, and vowed that I would find all the information I could on the subject, my realisation was that this is a disease that only the person who has it can take responsabily to controlling the disease.
Therefore, Although I tell anybody and everbody that I am diabetic, I don't have any fear but ultimately the person who actually has this condition is the only one who can affect the outcome, this means (in my case) a bowl of porridge in the morning, plenty of slow burning carbs (low GI index) and regular meals.
Since I took control, my BMI is 21.6 I excercise(and enjoy it through walking cycling etc) and my BMMol/l has gone from 20+ to between 6 and 8 on a consistent basis for the last 6th months.
Keeping stress levels to a minimum, and eating regulalarly seem to work for me, as well as a daily pin prick test.
The only person who can control this is the person affected and as long as they get the right advise then they can lead a normal life, You control Diabetes - It does not, nor anybody else control you.
Hope this helps.
Tim age 42.
My own mother had reason to believe that I was Diabetic from a young age, to the extent that she ignored the local GP advice and took me to London to try and get to the root of the problem that I had periods of feeling lethargic, thirsty and my breath would some smell like 'nail polish'.
I was two years old at this time and nothing was done.
Luckily I went through my life without any problems until recently - March 2008, When after a near Fatal collapse a specialist was referred to me in the A+E department who corectly diagnosed that I was Type 2 Diabetic.
Since this time, I was have not been frightened with the diagnosis, and vowed that I would find all the information I could on the subject, my realisation was that this is a disease that only the person who has it can take responsabily to controlling the disease.
Therefore, Although I tell anybody and everbody that I am diabetic, I don't have any fear but ultimately the person who actually has this condition is the only one who can affect the outcome, this means (in my case) a bowl of porridge in the morning, plenty of slow burning carbs (low GI index) and regular meals.
Since I took control, my BMI is 21.6 I excercise(and enjoy it through walking cycling etc) and my BMMol/l has gone from 20+ to between 6 and 8 on a consistent basis for the last 6th months.
Keeping stress levels to a minimum, and eating regulalarly seem to work for me, as well as a daily pin prick test.
The only person who can control this is the person affected and as long as they get the right advise then they can lead a normal life, You control Diabetes - It does not, nor anybody else control you.
Hope this helps.
Tim age 42.
Thank you Tim. My son was diagnosed at 3, but they said that he had been diabetic a while before that, but it just was not picked up on. You to me have hit the nail on the head with your comment...., this means (in my case) a bowl of porridge in the morning, plenty of slow burning carbs (low GI index) and regular meals. Yes the new idea about the pen is great, it does allow a bit of flexability, but, I do have to question the comments about skipping meals etc., and not having your insulin.
Due to having over 26 yrs of experience with my sons diabetes (each one is different and some peoples diabetes have not read the books on how it should behave!!!! which is true in my sons case, also a friend that has been diabetic for over 30 yrs) Plus, the fact my sons consultant put him on the wrong insulin for over 6 yrs,which led to him having emergency laser treatment on his eyes about 5 yrs ago or go blind in 3-6 months he and I were blamed for the bad control during that time (it wasnt investigated at all, even after we went back to weighing all food, watching the clock etc) Thank goodness for the nurse at the hospital who picked up on the insulin error and for the eye specialist at our hospital, who was brilliant, fantastic and we cant thank him for what he did, and still is.
My son also has allergies, some could be fatal, so I cant help but want what is best for him. Yes I know, he is old enough to take care of himself, and he does!! I just wanted some info, that might help his girlfriend in understanding a bit about Diabetes, so she can be there for him when he needs it, and not be frightened of it to the extent she is, and not want to wrap him in cotton wool, or expect him to just sit on a chair, and do nothing all day, incase it makes him ill. Also to realise that he knows what he is doing, and not to have sleepless nights worrying about him being at work.
From day one, we said that the diabetes had to live with us (to a certain extent) and it wasnt to be used as an excuse to get out of things, which, he never did. He was healthier than all the kids he went to school with, and even had less time off than any of them. He has never let it hold him back, or stop him doing anything. He was badly bullied at school to the point of wanting to commit suicide twice (or more) due to his diabetes and having to do his injections and eat when needed. Thank goodness for one of his teachers, who helped him (and us) during this problem.
He does go to his appointments on his own, and the only time I go with him is when he has his eye checks, as he isnt able to drive after due to having his eyes dilated, and not being able to see after this treatment. Having said that, his diabetic nurses actually said that they thought it was nice and a good thing that someone went with him to support him, and also to hear and discuss things, as someone else does need to know and keep updated on things, just incase there is a time, when the diabetic is unable to speak for themselves. As in my sons case recently, when he was admitted with a sugar level of 39.5, and I was able to advise the Dr's at the A & E with information about my son and his condition as he was far to unwell to speak for himself!
Due to having over 26 yrs of experience with my sons diabetes (each one is different and some peoples diabetes have not read the books on how it should behave!!!! which is true in my sons case, also a friend that has been diabetic for over 30 yrs) Plus, the fact my sons consultant put him on the wrong insulin for over 6 yrs,which led to him having emergency laser treatment on his eyes about 5 yrs ago or go blind in 3-6 months he and I were blamed for the bad control during that time (it wasnt investigated at all, even after we went back to weighing all food, watching the clock etc) Thank goodness for the nurse at the hospital who picked up on the insulin error and for the eye specialist at our hospital, who was brilliant, fantastic and we cant thank him for what he did, and still is.
My son also has allergies, some could be fatal, so I cant help but want what is best for him. Yes I know, he is old enough to take care of himself, and he does!! I just wanted some info, that might help his girlfriend in understanding a bit about Diabetes, so she can be there for him when he needs it, and not be frightened of it to the extent she is, and not want to wrap him in cotton wool, or expect him to just sit on a chair, and do nothing all day, incase it makes him ill. Also to realise that he knows what he is doing, and not to have sleepless nights worrying about him being at work.
From day one, we said that the diabetes had to live with us (to a certain extent) and it wasnt to be used as an excuse to get out of things, which, he never did. He was healthier than all the kids he went to school with, and even had less time off than any of them. He has never let it hold him back, or stop him doing anything. He was badly bullied at school to the point of wanting to commit suicide twice (or more) due to his diabetes and having to do his injections and eat when needed. Thank goodness for one of his teachers, who helped him (and us) during this problem.
He does go to his appointments on his own, and the only time I go with him is when he has his eye checks, as he isnt able to drive after due to having his eyes dilated, and not being able to see after this treatment. Having said that, his diabetic nurses actually said that they thought it was nice and a good thing that someone went with him to support him, and also to hear and discuss things, as someone else does need to know and keep updated on things, just incase there is a time, when the diabetic is unable to speak for themselves. As in my sons case recently, when he was admitted with a sugar level of 39.5, and I was able to advise the Dr's at the A & E with information about my son and his condition as he was far to unwell to speak for himself!
Trinkwasser
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tmh said:
Wow, scary stuff! We must have had the same doctor.
Have you read this?
http://projects.exeter.ac.uk/diabetesgenes/index.htm
May not apply but it's worth pointing out to my fellow skinny Type 2s (in my case there's a familial incidence of Insulin Resistance and the distribution of the diabetes within the family is wrong for a MODY, so there are other oddball genetic forms)
