High bm and nastiness

[Angeleyes24]

Hi would really appreciate some advice casue im at my wits end. My BF is recently diagnosed type 1 and having trouble controlling his levels. This leads to him denying that anythingis wrong and mood swings like Jekyl and Hyde . After yet another argument ( bm at 14.2 ) he has grabbed me then five mins later catagorically denied it calling me a psycho etc etc .
:cry: Im so upset and dont know how more i can take , we are supposed to be starting IVF at the end of June . I just done know how to deal with all this x

 

[anniep]

Hi Angeleyes

Sorry there I can't give any advice - but so sorry you seem to be having such a hard time at the moment.

I am T2, not T,1 but I know that when I was first diagnosed and getting my levels straight - if I ate a lot of the 'wrong' food and was high one day I was very irritable the next. It still happens actually if I have had a 'blow out'

My mum was insulin dependant and if her food was irregular she got very angry. We had one occasion when my kids were little and we all went out for a pub meal, and the service was appallingly slow. My kids started to play up and my normally quiet mum made such a scene and stormed out...

If he is recently diagnosed, he may also be dealing with all his feelings about the diagnosis and having difficulty coming to terms with it? As well as having to cope with swinging BG levels.

 

[Angeleyes24]

Thats really helpfull to know and also to know that i,m not on my own in all this. I think your right he is struggling to come to terms with it all as he has also been diagnosed with neuropathy in his feet.All this and hes only 33 so would say prob very scary.
Thank you so much for your support its realy appreciated.

 

[josie38]

Hi,

Sounds like he is finding it hard to cope.....i know i did when i was diagnosed when i was 25. I know it is hard on the people around cuz neither understand what is going on at first.

Hopefully you will keep posting to let us know how you are and feel free to ask any questions you want. You will always find support and help from other people on the forum. There is always someone who has been through a similar thing or can answer any question you have.

Wish you both all the best

Josie

 

[anna29]

Hi , dont know if this will help? my hubby tells me that I go quite moody and grumpy with him especially if my BS stays consistently HIGH I get cranky n impatient plus talk bit faster than I normally do. Do find it stressful trying to do all the right things to GET my high BS down and it's failing miserably despite being on victoza injections. In fact today we both sat down and went through my issues of having to start on insulin next week. We discussed my fears and hopes for my future on insulin etc.. I too have neuropathy in my feet and it is painful. Could you chat with your BF when time is right ? [ calm n placid mood] about his own thoughts n feelings,as a diabetic n then you might shift him into more positive and secure ground. It "IS" scary n complex and can make you feel over whelmed and go into panic 'flight' mode! The worst thing is when you havent any control of, out of control BS especially when taking meds n drugs plus making such efforts with diet n excercise to try and get it under control and nowt works!!! It can and does make you either down in dumps or stressed. Keep in touch ask questions we are all here for you both, Anna.x

 

[Angeleyes24]

Thanks to you all for your kind and helpfull replies . As i speak he has been very nasty and refusing to check BM even though i am certain that its high as the glazed eyes , disjointed movement , aggresiveness has begun again. Dont think that it helps that he has missed some insulin today but how on earth can i get him to check without the fear of god knows what happening ???
Any ideas ?? :?

 

[wiflib]

The only advice I can offer is to keep yourself safe. Not easy , I know, but your partner HAS to take responsibilty for his diabetes.
Don't try to discuss anything when he is like that, wait until he is completely back to normal. If that means a trip to hospital because he has allowed himself to get into such a bad mess, then so be it.
In all probability, he's probably scared, anxious and likely to be confused with the advice he has been given. If he is hyper/hypoglycemic, he may be cluless as to his behaviour. It affects diabetics in so many different ways.
Talk to your GP about the support you need. Look after yourself first so you can be there for him.

wiflib

 

[donnellysdogs]

Angeleyes...

I know it seems hard, but it may be that you have to actually have to record the aggression on a mobile perhaps?? and show back later when he is calmer....but you must not put yourself at risk.....

You say BF is recently diagnosed, when is he due to have a visit for a check up with DSN/HCP or GP etc.....would he agree for you to go with him and the basis of it being to support him?

Are you also having problems when he goes hypo? The symptoms that you are listing below with glazed eyes...... can be a hypo......in which case you may have to call an ambulance......

Does BF drive?

The most important thing is that you keep yourself safe....

 

[Angeleyes24]

Hi , when he ges hypo he does seem different to Hyper , his colour goes very pale and he gets sweaty and shaky but doesnt seem to get nasty.

Tried to talk to him tonight but didnt seem to work , he sees checking his BM as a way of keeping me happy when it should be a way of keeping him alive !!!.

Hes not due to see his consultant until July but this also coincides with us starting IVF.I can honestly say that at the moment with the way that things are its an even scarier thought :?
He does drive and drives a 7.5 tonne lorry for work .
At the moment its like living a really horrible time and dread coming home at times.
I do keep a diary about his moods but dont think filming would work but could try xxx

 

[donnellysdogs]

Hi Angeleyes

As a starter, does he realise what trouble he could find himself in without testing before and during driving? Is he testing before he drives each and every time? This is imperative and should not be because you insist....

I am assuming he has notified DVLA....

If you are thinking about IVF, then he needs to be controlling his bloods for the child's future of having a daddy that is fit and well......

Is there any chance you can go to the diabetic consultant with him?

 

[Angeleyes24]

No i dont think he does test every time he drives and yep he knows what could happen but doesnt stop him. We have informed the DVLA , well i did !!
I keep trying the fit Daddy thing but hes so wrapped up in his own ( sorry to sound evil and heartless) wallowing of self pity that it doesnt seem to work i just get called selfish for even daring to mention it .
I tried to say to him tonight that its time that he controlled the Diabetes instead of it controlling him but im at a loss now . It seems that hes 33 and wasting his life by staying in bed etc etc.
I dont want to sound nasty and maybe i deal with things a little differently but im getting really frustrated at what hes doing to not only himself but me and our relationship.
It would be helpfull if i could go with him and i will try but diff to get time off work

 

[anna29]

Hi, Bit concerned with you now. Personally I wouldnt even ATTEMPT to film or record him at all.... That ! if he found out will just totally 'inflame' the situation seems n senses to me there could be other things going on besides the diabetes? Can you not get dates changed? so he can be seen earlier? or the ivf appt shifted to a later date? Is he depressed? with his moods n flare ups? wouldnt be wise to have a baby in the volatile state he sounds either. If you dread him coming back etc then you really DO need to get things professionally tackled, both for your sake and a future baby! Common sense must prevail here.... He is blame shifting with telling you you're selfish instead of being a man and dealing with things , even small things to take on board. His behaviour is his responsibilty not yours. with you informing the DVLA he probably resents the truth being told and actually having to face up to it also. Truth been spoken so things have to change ! Anna.

 

[Angeleyes24]

What you say makes alot of sense, and yes he does shift the blame hes good at that. He doesnt seem able to get a grasp of all this at all.
Could be because im so different at dealing with **** ??
I keep trying to take a step back but i find it difficult to esp when its me that will have to pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong and he collapses again.
I dont think hes got his head around the fact of how ill he was and how close to going into coma .
We are changing gp this week so im going to try to get him seen ASAP as the GP we were at have fobbed him off time and time again and misdiagnosed him the first time .
And yes i will consider the VF very seriously if things dont improvexxJen

 

[anna29]

Hi, Yes you are doing well given the pressure n strees you must be under, but you cant n mustn't be his scapegoat! That just lets him NOT deal with things himself like taking some responsibility for his own actions. Try standing down from keep picking up the pieces? Or does he like the attention of keeping you on your toes ? Stick with changing your GP and get an appt ASAP? Then you can get hopefully some positive action plan done for you by the professionals. Anna.

 

[donnellysdogs]

Jen

It really seems that you are being a very caring support to BF, but I agree he has to take some responsibility. What's the saying..give an inch and take a mile....or something like that...in your scenario, I think BF is extending the support he is taking......to a mile.....

No it doesn't seem with the behaviour that BF is expressing that filming on a mobile would do any good, and be putting you at risk..

At least by changing GP, the new surgery will ask him in for a check up-so that may well be a good starting point with him...especially if previous GP wasn't too good...

Was BF given any info about driving and testing and what he should be doing....I hope he wasn't just told to inform the dvla....is he aware that the dvla will write to the consultant for the consultant to confirm that he knows what he should do, that he is hypo aware etc.........I really don't want you getting in to more strife and for your BF to feel worse about his situation, but I am concerned about your situation as well....

Would your BF consider any help from a Counsellor to help him through this-there isn't stigma's around this, and I found my Counsellor brilliant.

 

[noblehead]

No i dont think he does test every time he drives and yep he knows what could happen but doesnt stop him. We have informed the DVLA , well i did !!(

Angela,

This is very worrying that he doesn't test his bg before and during driving - more so considering that he doesn't have good control of his diabetes, it would be advisable for him not to drive until he is seen by the consultant or untill such times that the DVLA have accessed his ability to drive, it isn't just about the harm he may do to himself but the potential harm he may do to other road users.

I do hope you can get these problems you have resolved soon.

Nigel

 

[Angeleyes24]

Hi yes he has been given all the info about driving and this is another denial thing with him.
Im going to register us with new GP today so hopefully will be able to get him in quickly , ive tried to get him to have some counselling for years as he had a real ****** upbringing and has alot of unresoved issues from that but not happened yet but can live in hope.
I sent his stuff off to DVLA about 4 weeks ago and not heard anything yet , any ideas how long it usually takes // XX

 

[viv1969]

Having been through IVF, and knowing first-hand how stressfull and draining it is, there is, IMO no way you should be attempting it whilst your partner is this unstable. In fact if your IVF team has just a hint of what's occurring they'll refuse treatment (if it's NHS).

I hope he gets himself sorted out soon.

 

[noblehead]

Hi yes he has been given all the info about driving and this is another denial thing with him.
Im going to register us with new GP today so hopefully will be able to get him in quickly , ive tried to get him to have some counselling for years as he had a real ****** upbringing and has alot of unresoved issues from that but not happened yet but can live in hope.
I sent his stuff off to DVLA about 4 weeks ago and not heard anything yet , any ideas how long it usually takes // XX

The DVLA can take a long time to respond and 4 weeks+ sounds the norm, hopefully the new gp practise will help matters and counselling does look like a good option here.

Nigel