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How life and diabetes can change in 14 weeks!

Discussion in 'Type 2 Diabetes' started by ViolaterUK, Jan 20, 2022.

  1. ViolaterUK

    ViolaterUK · Member

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    Hello,

    I've not posted for a while, had lots going on in the real world.

    14 weeks ago, I had my first review (HbA1c - 1st Review at the Docs. | Diabetes Forum • The Global Diabetes Community) where I was elated that my BS had dropped to almost pre-diabetes and how I looked forward to being in remission.

    I've been off work "sick" since September with sever hypertension and I'm not under a specialist and on 4-5 different medications daily to help with it. This shouldn't affect my plan of remission of diabetes. However recently my wife and I decided to split after 13 years together (4 married) (well more her decision), since then I've been in a bit of a spiral.

    She's currently living at her mums with our little boy (we're sharing parenting 3 days each etc) and we've been pretty friendly. We own our house (mortgaged) and neither can afford to buy the other out so looks like we need to sell. My family live in a different City but I don't want to move Cities because I want to stay by my son. Even working full time, it's not really possible due to renting costs so out of my wage after food I'd have about £20 after all bills. I would need a car to live which isn't possible on that.

    Anyway, as you can see I have a lot going on and I've just not gave a **** really. Eating the wrong things, crisps, little chocolate, cookies, I think I've given up! As I write this I'm getting upset but then I get angry and I just don't care. I'm pretty heartbroken, I think more because I will now become a weekend Dad, I wont see my son for bedtime, for morning time, dinner time, I'm struggling with this so much. My son is disabled and has complex needs and I just want to be with him and it's now not possible.

    I'm not that fussed about my marriage, I know that's part of life, but to only being able to be with my son at weekends I can't handle that and I'm just not coping very well.

    Tried to speak to my doctor, he basically said there's not much he can do about the marriage etc, but here's some tablets which should make you feel less anxious! No point as I'm not really taking any of my meds, not testing by BS, I'm getting about 2-3 hours sleep a night. I feel better on the days I have my son but that only lasts a day or so as I know he then will be going away from me for a few days.

    I'm not really sure of the point of my post. I just don't really have anyone to talk to. Can't really talk to my family and I don't have many friends. Can't bring all this up to my wife (well ex) because she will think I'm trying to emotionally blackmail or make her feel guilty when in truth, seeing what's been said by her I am not ***** about us not being together, I've not even fought for her to stay. It's more around my son. Her and her family are "encouraging" me to move out so that I can move on (more so she can come back to the house!) but it's not that easy. I don't just have the money to go.

    Anyway, I'm going to stop now. I feel like my head is going to explode. I know I'm not the first persons who's relationship has broken down, or a parent not being able to see their kid everyday but I'm just struggling in life and I'm not doing my medical issues any favours.

    I'm really sorry for such a depressing thread. I think I just needed to put it down. Anyway, take care.
     
    • Hug Hug x 20
  2. EllieM

    EllieM Type 1 · Moderator
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    I'm lucky to be still with my partner (the father of our children) but a lot of our friends have had divorces and as far as the children are concerned the situation seems so much better when the parents can stay friends. You may not be romantically involved but you'll always both share parenthood.

    I'm sorry that there's nothing I can say to help with your personal situation, but you probably will feel slightly better if you don't have crazy blood sugar levels making things worse. When you have time to think about that again, this forum will be there to give you support if you want or need it.

    As regards the hypertension, can you ask for a referral to a specialist? 4-5 medications sounds like your GP may be out of their depth.

    Lots of virtual hugs.
     
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  3. VashtiB

    VashtiB Type 2 · Moderator
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    Hello and welcome,

    You are going through a rough time so you need to look after yourself. I have three children (now adults) who have additional needs but my brother has a son with a significant disability. He will never be able to work- so I get how tough it is. My brother also is a diabetic and has taken control of his health in the last year and lost lots of weight- we needs to be around as long as possible for his son.
    So use the love you have for your son as a motivator. You have found this forum and there is always a listening ear (well a reading eye I guess) so keep posting and reading. People here really do care and are willing to offer support.

    Take care of yourself.

    Welcome.
     
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  4. finzi1966

    finzi1966 · Well-Known Member

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    {{{{{hugs}}}}} I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Any possibility at all that you and your wife could share the house on a platonic basis?
     
    • Like Like x 2
  5. MrsA2

    MrsA2 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Talking with a counsellor will help.
    Many health authorities contract it out these days and you can self refer (I.e need not involve gp). Try googling "cbt" and your area, something should come up.
    There's always Samaritans who will have more connections for you too
    https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

    You will have rights over seeing your son. Please take legal advice over this too. You might find there's a free initial session.

    Even if you don't want to fight the split, there's no reason why you should lie down and be walked over, or let it send you to cakes and chips. You are worth more than that, and you'll need to be there healthy for your son as he grows up.
     
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  6. andi2508

    andi2508 Type 2 · Member

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    Big hugs, life is so hard sometimes but it will get better honestly. Can you apply for joint custody of your son? If not maybe try to see him during the week for a game of football or a trip to the park? When my husband and I split up he FaceTimed out kids every night, that helped. Would your wife consider marriage counselling, could you try again? Last year I lost both my parents 12 weeks apart and I was devastated, I've been off the rails for months and it's been a real struggle to get back on it, it's hard to not give into temptation when you feel sad. Be kind to yourself and make small changes, it will get better.
     
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  7. gilllsmaad

    gilllsmaad Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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  8. gilllsmaad

    gilllsmaad Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I do hope things have improved for you in the last week. Life is very hard and often an emotional rollercoaster. Try to take one day at a time and if you manage a day of “taking” care of yourself then take the praise and a pat on the back. Good luck x
     
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  9. ViolaterUK

    ViolaterUK · Member

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    Thanks everyone.

    My head is still in a mess. The house will be valued next week so at least that is one thing done.

    We are co-parenting with my little one, 3 days on, 3 days off.

    I can't change my brain, I know what I need to do, to lose weight, control my diabetes, but I'm self sabotaging.

    When I get my son, I'm so happy, that first day is amazing! Then by bedtime the following night I start feeling low and the following day seems to just speed up and he's then away. When I feel like this I am just eating, eating ****. I don't know if it's boredom, depression, I just don't know.

    Even whilst doing it, I know it's wrong, that's the thing I just can't seem to do what I know is right!

    I will be back at the Drs within a week so I will speak to them about it.

    I've just got all this stress, worry and I'm uncertain what my next steps are, not even sure where I will be living! I don't even know how people can rent and live alone! My calculations leaves me with less than I'm bringing in and the only "luxuries" are internet (would need it for when I go back to work) and my mobile phone (which in November I can go SIM Only)

    Even without them, it's dire.

    I just need help. Not sure where it's coming from. The only positive action I've done is I've ordered some blood strips. Maybe seeing how high my bloods are will trigger something!

    Sorry for ranting and seeming pathetic.
     
    • Hug Hug x 6
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