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Husband ashamed of me...

I

itsmeme

Member
Messages
10
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Last night, my husband and I went to visit his brother with our 15 year old daughter for the evening. I ended up having an out of the blue hypo, bg went from a respectable 7 down to 2 in about half an hour. It was treated with oj and chocolates. Unfortunately, some of this time is a bit of a blur and I cannot remember clearly what happened. So it was a shock that when we got home my husband told me that I was an embarrassment, that he couldn't trust me to be out in public with him. He told me that I had said something to his brother's girlfriend and that I should be ashamed of myself. The girlfriend is a nursing sister who apparently offered me some orange juice because that's what she gave to her patients, I apparently said that I was not one of her patients. I think I was trying to lighten the mood because I preferred the Thorntons chocolates I was consuming and who wanted OJ but it did not come out that way. My daughter reassured me that I did nothing wrong and she was not ashamed of me and that she loved to me to bits. It has really hit my confidence, I have had type 1 for 44 years and I know that sometimes when I am hypo I can act silly or say inappropriate childish things but I have never been told I am an embarrassment.
 
Very sorry to hear of your experience. It took me a long long time to realise that when you have a hypo it makes you act in ways you wouldn't normally. I would feel like it was something lacking in me (apart from glucose)! Hearing what hypo's were like for other people really helped me. You should not feel silly about something that is out of your control and is an illness after all. I have spat out glucose tablets given to me by my husband only to eat mars bars! I think it's hard sometimes for our families and I think many people will have stories of inappropriate behaviour committed by their nearest and dearest. I hope you feel better about it soon. x
 

Hi, it sounds like your hubby was being quite harsh and insensitive, hypo's happen and at least you aren't violent or bullish.. Best thing is to sit down and have a chat about it, after 44 years you seem to be doing okay and it's along time with type 1, which isn't easy at times. I hope you can get your point across and tell him how his words made you feel. ((((((( HUGS )))))))
Take care and good luck x
 
You have a difficult condition to deal with 24/7. You are not an embarrassment if occasionally things go wrong. Your husband needs to be more sensitive. You were with family, stuff happens, everybody except him dealt with it well. Your daughter seems to have her head screwed on, bless her.
Granted some situations can get embarrassing but you as an individual are not. You, we, struggle daily with a very volatile condition. WEll Done. Hugs
 
Hello @itsmeme - You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of here, you husband was insensitive to say this. You have alot to deal with and having a hypo is part of the course of having diabetes, your husband should realise this. Can you possibly have a chat with him and remind him that support at all times is vital, he was in the wrong here and he may have his own issues to manage which are being put on you in a negative way, maybe see why he felt this way to react the way he did ?

Chin up lovely - you sound like you have an amazing daughter so try not to let this get to you x
 
Hi @itsmeme

I'll second the comment about you having a great daughter. Focus on that - how mature and sensible she must be.

Your husband acted insensitively and unkindly, in my opinion. Surely he must know a little about what hypos can be like? If not - explain to him. If he does know, then ask him why he made such an insensitive comment.

Please don't think you're an embarrassment. You're not. I felt angry on your behalf reading what you wrote.
 
yes how wrong of him.
I have been type 1 for 50 yrs and my wife has never said bad things to me. I have in the past done strange things even rejecting help when I was hypo. I think we change our hypo reactions as the years pass. Now i am no trouble to anyone, just take my orange juice or gluco tabs. But I have been trouble in the past, it's probably just a phase. Not your fault. We are all not our best sometimes.
 
We cannot act appropriately 24/7. As no one is perfect. I bet if he was having a hypo he would be acting differently too.
It affects the brain. He should know that.
It could have been a lot worse, you could have been comatosed.
Silly man. He wasn't thinking straight, but what's his excuse?
 
As the brother's girlfriend is a nurse I'm sure she has heard a lot of things from patients, that is water of a duck's back.
Your hubby is the one who should be embarrassed that he is offended by an illness that you have no control over.
The fact that your teenage daughter has shown love and concern is to her credit, it's usually the children that would say their embarrassed, she is more grown up than her dad.
 
You could show him this page http://www.diabetesselfmanagement.c...lucose-management/understanding-hypoglycemia/ particularly the paragraph which says, "Lack of glucose to the brain can cause trouble concentrating, changes in vision, slurred speech, lack of coordination, headaches, dizziness, and drowsiness. Hypoglycemia can also cause changes in emotions and mood. Feelings of nervousness and irritability, becoming argumentative, showing aggression, and crying are common, although some people experience euphoria and giddiness. "

Point out that hypoglycaemia is dangerous and tell him you would like his help when it happens as your brain is not getting enough glucose to work properly and make the decisions necessary to save your life. You could ask him to explain to people around you that any erratic behaviour is due to the hypoglycaemia and it is very common for people to act out of character during a hypoglycaemic episode. You don't sound like you did anything embarrassing and any nurse should understand completely how hypoglycaemia can affect someone but your husband may be worrying that others are judging you and therefore feels embarrassed. By getting him to explain what's going on to others this may relieve his embarrassment.
 
Hi @itsmeme. Sorry you had your hypo. You didn't mention who helped you with your hypo I suspect it might not have been your husband. If this is the case then maybe his embarrassment might be down to the fact that he sat there being about as much use as a f*rt in a colander whilst everyone else attended to you.
Don't be embarrassed, if anything show pity on your other half's inability to understand.
 
Hi @itsmeme. Sorry you feel so bad about this. Often it's with family that the worst 'embarrassments' happen. I was told that I was spitting out Ribena and shouting at the paramedics that my husband had called when I had a bad one, telling them they didn't know their jobs and diabetics weren't allowed this! Even if your brother's girlfriend hasn't had direct exposure to diabetics before, she's in the right place to get information and look how you've helped her practical education! As family, she will be sure to see your side, especially if you give her some one-on-one exposure to what it's like to have Type 1. Do talk to your husband though - after 44 years as a T1, this cannot be the first time he has seen this so it's worth finding out what he felt was different this time. Fantastic response from your daughter though. Top marks!

Wishing you all the best.
 
Hey, you aren't an embarassment!!

Unfortunately I have had 3 ambulances in about 3 month... Hubby actually realised after one paramedic (who came out twice to me) that being "narky" for highs or lows is the signal before unconsciousness...it took a paramedic after 20 years of marriage to make it really sink in to him that this "narky" wife of his isn't like it unless ill.

Please show your hubby the responses you've had or tell him. I doubt if he will like it posted to the public, but he really needs to know that narkiness isn't intended...I'm the opoosite when I'm coming out, apparently I'm funny but say things I would never dare say normally. Calling ambulanceman "baldie"- now thats embarassing-I would never comment on any strangers hair or lack of it when "normal".

I suggest a sit down opposite each other at dinner table and talk about this. Not on a sofa or in bed... Ask him what he thinks a hypo feels like to you...

Crikey, I've had some weird instances and ended up sendng gifts to people.... Although I had been treating hypo myself my Cancer therapist (as I always speak bluntly when hypo) thought she better get hold of a psychiatist!! Then she realised I was eating sugar.... She had phoned psychiatrist and A&E to find out how to get help for me mentally!! (She has never told me what I said that day). I recall bits and I did treat myself even before seeing her but the severity of that hypo was huge. She realises now and also knows that the way my stomach works takes a longer time for my liver to kick in....

Please talk to him about it..
 
Home is where we behave the worst and are loved the best.
I have been a source of amusement to my son and daughter when I've said or done weird things when hypo, and often I haven't realised what I've done until afterwards when they talk it through gently with me and smile.
However, it's classic for a person suffering a hypo to refuse attempts by other people to help. I can be off the scale hypo, and still I'll be claiming that I'm 'all right' and that nobody needs to do anything! It can be frustrating for people trying to help, but the fact is that the behaviour of the person having the hypo is not always entirely rational and it's no fault of their own, it's the lack of glucose in their blood. To be honest, I don't know why my offspring are so good at helping me when I'm hypo, but they are. My other half can be much more upset and even irate. I'm sure you and I are not alone in experiencing this kind of reaction to our hypos!
 
It might be that our partners feel that people might expect them to be better able to cope? So that if we, people with diabetes, are resisting help and advice, the food and drink offered (which we tend to have quite strong views about, especially when hypo), the partner might feel that others, the wider family, friends or general public, will judge him/her as not being sufficiently supportive?
So it's good advice from others on having a heart-to-heart with partner about how to Help in a Hypo, especially if you can get across that a hypo is potentially dangerous for you, disconcerting for your confidence, and has just gone and tripped you up when you were having a nice time with the family.
 
I don't wish to cause any family upset, but if your husband didn't know what can happen during a hypo, I would of thought that, in front of a nursing sister, he was the embarrassment by not knowing what to expect and not being a little more caring. If he thought that was embarrassing, I once started to growle like a dog when my GP was called in the early days of my diabetes diagnosis ! I'm sure your brothers girlfriend thought nothing of it so don't worry
 

The lady has had type 1 for 44 years, so I would think hubby should of known what to do by now!! Maybe it's not just the diabetes hypo that is 'the problem' but a talk is definitely needed. I hope @itsmeme is alright.
 
Many years ago my wife's boss invited his three managers to a diner party with the "plus ones".
So there we were with sales & operations managment & spouses "breaking the ice" in the front room prior to the meal..

The gaffer's wife turns to me and says "so your in a band?" So I rattled a response about the difference between Norwegian black metal, pagan metal & satanism with great authority. Before I realized I was going low & possibly not the sort of ice breaker they were up for... Anyhow, lucky for me there was plenty on hand for a sly hypo treat. While my social awareness alarm rang...

& the wife said I handled it beautifully..

... Actually? I must have done.. They employed me too for 7 years!

Personally @itsmeme ? It don't sound like you were that bad.
 
We all do strange things when we're hypo. I can be absolutely vile to my other half and the other day I left loads of TripAdvisor reviews for places I'd never been and had no recollection of it at all! I'm sure it'll all be fine!
 
I'm sorry to hear this. It seems that your husband is not particularly understanding and quite frankly is the 'embarrassment' here.

I've done and said plenty of embarrassing things whilst having a hypo but have thankfully never had anyone who loved me degrade me in such a way.

Your daughter obviously doesn't take after him, he needs to be educated. I'm sure you could find many times when he has been drinking to compare behaviours and remind him that it is beyond your control when having a hypo unlike when someone is drunk.

I don't know the man but if I did, and if it were me, I don't think I'd want to after this treatment...
 
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