I need help

[indiaemily]

I've been diabetic for almost 12 years, never quite accepted it, always let it control my life, i've had numerous hospital admissions from poor control which i inflicted on myself. I've had a lot of bad news in my life recently, told I can't go to uni because of diabetes, a relationship breakdown, having to move back home. I overdosed on Monday, I havn't been able to eat for over a week, i'm living off energy drinks and cigarettes. I've taken my long acting twice since last Friday, god knows what my blood sugars are doing. I have a mental health team visiting me every other day, but I'm really struggling, and I'm not too sure what I'm going to do, or even if I will make it through the weekend.

 

[malek.elgazzar]

Hi Emily,
Well, u just made the first step toward resolving ur issue by writing this down here.

Now, the 2nd step - and may sound crazy- is to accept the diabetes not as a nightmare disease u r forced to live with; but as a friend and advisor which directs u for a healthier life style even most of non diabetic people wish to live it but they lack the commitment to do so.

3rd, I've to ask u to write a breakdown for ur current life style and personality; including: eating habits, medications, activity level, sleeping, what makes u anger, anxious and so on ...

And u will start figuring out the pain points u need to fix , change or even eliminate to get better control of ur self.

We are all here to help u and will work together to get this resolved soon - just think positive for the time Being please

 

[blueeyed81]

I couldn't agree with the above any more. You have definitely took the biggest step by saying it out loud so to speak.

My inbox is always open if you want a chat

 

[Fairygodmother]

Hi Emily,

Big big hugs!

Of course you can go to University - once diabetes is your partner, not your enemy. It may take you a little longer than you'd hoped but that's a good thing - the best students are often the ones who've had a bit of life experience outside school, so not going now isn't really a bad thing at all.

Relationship breakdowns are the pits! I think many of us on the forum will remember how it makes you feel that life's not worth living so why bother trying to test, inject, eat, wash, get up, speak to anyone . . . But you have, you've spoken to us, so hang in there and know that you're not alone. I hesitate to use the old cliche that it'll get better, even though it does, because it seems so trite and uncaring, but like all cliches it's lasted because it's true.

Now I'm going to be a tough old woman! (See, I've lived a long long time with T1, I've come out the other side from breakdowns, from a few ups and downs, and the ups have been worth it!)

Get yourself to a surgery (sounds like a bad version of what Hamlet said to Ophelia, doesn't it) and take the first babysteps towards a better future. Ask for help. Listen to what's suggested and ask, too, for the support of a DSN, a nurse who can help you with diabetes. Don't beat yourself up if it sometimes goes wrong, and celebrate if you feel good when your blood sugars are more or less ok.

Are your family supportive? Ask for their help too. Get as many people as you can on your side.

Life with T1 can be good and you CAN have a future worth getting it right for.

Go on talking to us, tell us what's happening.

More hugs.

 

[therower]

Hi @indiaemily . Firstly you are so brave and honest to post what you have.
As you say diabetes has controlled your life. Ultimately that is all it ever wants to do to anyone of us if we let it.
Reading your post gave me a mental picture of a young woman with so many opportunities ahead in life. Sadly many years back a dark black fungus found its way into your soul, it has managed to thrive and grow, with every dark episode in your life it has spread and know with recent events it has become all consuming. It is now at a point where it is creating it's own darkness to thrive and survive.
We have to find a way of getting light back into your soul. If I know nothing else, I do know diabeties hates the light, the acceptance, the lack of a hiding place.
You need to utilise all the services available to you. The medication will stop the fungus growing, accepting the fungus is there, will give you focus and talking to people will bring it out into the daylight and destroy it.
I can't say it will be easy but you are far stronger than your condition. Small steps will become big strides.
There is so much light in the world and when you find it things will change for you. I'm sure everyone will help you.
Stay with us on the forum and stay strong.

 

[Juicyj]

Hey @indiaemily Sounds like you need a big hug right now, so sending you a very big one.

I know life is tough right now, but think of your best friend with diabetes and think about what you would say to them if you knew they were struggling, think about what advice they would need to help getting it back on track ? Can you speak to your family about what your going through ?

Living with type 1 and dealing with life's ups and down is a lot to manage, your mental cup has certainly been filled to the brim recently and with managing a needy health condition on top it is over whelming you now, it won't always be like this but calling out for help is important when your not coping, please call your DSN first thing Monday and have a heart to heart, you can get more support and we as your virtual friends are here to support you too, please try to be kinder to yourself if you can at least test your Bg levels and take some quick acting to correct it will help you mentally to feel better, running high Bg levels will affect your moods so getting some insulin on board to bring your levels down will help you cope better.

Please also pm me, am here to listen