I'm back!

[Jogreen21]

Hi everyone,due to my mum being ill ive not been on here for a while so I thought I'd let you all know how I am. I'm still eating better but mot enough but at least I'm not going backwards!! My eating disorder is still showing its ugly head but I ignore it as much as I can.I recently went back to see my dietician (who is very fierce!!) I had to take with me my food diary which ive been doing over the last month.i had to write down everything I ate and record my blood glucosr result along with how I was feeling that day.unfortunately when I saw everything written down it didnt look as though I'd eaten very much so I stupidly filled in that I'd eaten meals that I'd not eaten and I also adjusted my blood readings.when I got to my appointment and began talking to the dietician (who at this time told me I was doing really well) I broke down and admitted I'd written false results. Darren was with me and said he was proud of me for telling the truth.my dietician was fine anout it and has now referred me for an urgent appointment to see a doctor who deals with people who have an eating disorder along with diabetes.Unfortunately I probably wont be able to go as I'm going intp hosptal for my second hip replacement on 28th (I only got the phonecall yesterday telling me the date)so unless the appointment is for next week I'll have to delay it for a while.please dong think bad of me for lying about my food diary results, I just wanted to be 'normal' for a while.at least I admitted it eventually and now can move forward.thankyou for reading this.xxx

 

[Angelofthemarches]

Well done - love and hugs

 

[Prem51]

No 'bad' judgement here. It's good that you are dealing with your eating disorder and getting help.

 

[AndBreathe]

Hi everyone,due to my mum being ill ive not been on here for a while so I thought I'd let you all know how I am. I'm still eating better but mot enough but at least I'm not going backwards!! My eating disorder is still showing its ugly head but I ignore it as much as I can.I recently went back to see my dietician (who is very fierce!!) I had to take with me my food diary which ive been doing over the last month.i had to write down everything I ate and record my blood glucosr result along with how I was feeling that day.unfortunately when I saw everything written down it didnt look as though I'd eaten very much so I stupidly filled in that I'd eaten meals that I'd not eaten and I also adjusted my blood readings.when I got to my appointment and began talking to the dietician (who at this time told me I was doing really well) I broke down and admitted I'd written false results. Darren was with me and said he was proud of me for telling the truth.my dietician was fine anout it and has now referred me for an urgent appointment to see a doctor who deals with people who have an eating disorder along with diabetes.Unfortunately I probably wont be able to go as I'm going intp hosptal for my second hip replacement on 28th (I only got the phonecall yesterday telling me the date)so unless the appointment is for next week I'll have to delay it for a while.please dong think bad of me for lying about my food diary results, I just wanted to be 'normal' for a while.at least I admitted it eventually and now can move forward.thankyou for reading this.xxx

Joe, you won't have been the first, or the last person who has fudged the facts with their HCPs. I bet almost everyone who smokes, when asked, trims a few off and plenty who enjoy a glass or wine or several do the same. I know myself I have been known to suggest to MrB that I've had a frock or shoes or whatever "ages", when in fact the item has been recently secreted into the house. In fact, yesterday, as I was at the checkout with 3 pairs of trousers (I know,...........3! In my mitigation, they were in the end of the sale and being skinny can mean great bargains.) MrB is away at the moment, so the little white lie will almost be a reality when he sees the items.

It's not the end of the world, and I'd be inclined to say your reaction to it shows you really, really want to change. If you were happy enough going on as you have been, you'd likely have brazened it out and felt quite pleased with yourself afterwards.

Provided you're holding steady, and hopefully making a bit of steady progress Joe, you shouldn't be hard on yourself. You've already seen that eating a bit more helps you trim up a bit, and your blood scores get a bit better too, so please do bare that in mind leading up to and after your operation. You'll need nutrition to recover and heal nice and quickly.

Stick with it Joe. As has been said a zillion times, this is a marathon, not a sprint.

 

[Jogreen21]

@AndBreathe
Thankyou for reading and not thinking bad of me.this is truly the hardest thing I've ever done.My eating disorder is still under control although I'm still not eating enough (how the hell did I stay alive on ONE EGG PER DAY??! ) X X X

 

[AndBreathe]

@AndBreathe
Thankyou for reading and not thinking bad of me.this is truly the hardest thing I've ever done.My eating disorder is still under control although I'm still not eating enough (how the hell did I stay alive on ONE EGG PER DAY??! ) X X X

I can identify with what you say about the hardest thing, as you know, but you can trust me, it does get easier as time passes and the one egg a day days get further into history.

You're beginning a new life now, and one that is healthier than the one you've shunned, so don't live with regrets and being sorry about the things that happen along the way. Get on with enjoying it and keep making your chap proud of you. He really does seem to care bout you and how you do.

Stay in touch here, and I hope your Mum is on the mend.

 

[Jogreen21]

@and breathe
Thankyou again for your post.my mum is not good at all at the moment although she's nearly 96 years old.we thought we'd lost her a few times over Xmas and new year but she's still battling on bless her.Its so hard for me as it takes me about 2 hours to get to her so if the warden rings me I know I need to go straight away.we've had to stay over with her a few times lately but she gets fed up and sends us home. It's difficult when she wants to be on her own but I can't do anything except what mum wants so if she wasn't a us to go we have to go.she's asked me to wheel her round to the hairdressers so she can get her hair done so she 'looks good if the Lord should take her'!!! She tells me often now that she's tired and ready to go and it breaks my heart to hear it,she's not only my mum but she's my best friend too. I know I've got to expect the inevitable but I don't know what I'll do without her,we speak on the phone about 10 times a day!! All I can do is my best.x X X X

 

[Freema]

@AndBreathe
Thankyou for reading and not thinking bad of me.this is truly the hardest thing I've ever done.My eating disorder is still under control although I'm still not eating enough (how the hell did I stay alive on ONE EGG PER DAY??! ) X X X

wish you all the best , keep saying the truth that will also help you in the longer run... and good they finally understand how serious your problem is, you ougth to have had some serious help long time ago...

stay focused and understand you also have a right to get the help you need and also the strong support you need in your difficult situation.

 

[Jogreen21]

@Freema
My life seems very haphazard at the moment,caring for mum who is nearly 96 years old and not well at all at the moment,I'm going into hospital next Saturday for my second hip replacement.Darren doesn't drive so I have to be up on my feet asap as there's really no-one else to help as the rest of the family don't even bother to visit her.i have one sister in law who is good but she lives quite a long way from mum but in an emergency I can count on her,my eating is a bit better and I've still not made myself sick. I'm eating a bit more now and wonder how I managed to survive on one egg a day!! I can't say I'm eating properly as I know I've still got a long way to go and the bulimia still rears its ugly head from time to time but I just find something to do like walking the dog,anything to get me away from the bathroom.Its a long slow process but I'm getting there .I felt a bit stupid when I went to see my dietician and showed her my food diary I've been keeping for a month,I was supposed to write down everything I'd eaten and how I felt plus my blood sugar levels but when I saw it written down it didn't look much so I put down meals I'd not eaten and I altered my blood results just because I wanted it to look as though I was 'normal', I did break down and told her what I'd done and she was fine about it,Darren said he was proud of me for telling her I'd lied,and we decided I'd do it again but this time only the truth. She also referred me to a doctor who deals with diabetic people who have eating disorders so I'm finally going to get the help I desperately need.I go into hospital next Saturday for my second hip replacement so I'll be stuck at home for at least 3 weeks and no doubt my eating will suffer a little.all I can do is carry on what I'm doing as everything is going on and I'm moving forward instead of backwards X X X X

 

[AndBreathe]

@Freema
My life seems very haphazard at the moment,caring for mum who is nearly 96 years old and not well at all at the moment,I'm going into hospital next Saturday for my second hip replacement.Darren doesn't drive so I have to be up on my feet asap as there's really no-one else to help as the rest of the family don't even bother to visit her.i have one sister in law who is good but she lives quite a long way from mum but in an emergency I can count on her,my eating is a bit better and I've still not made myself sick. I'm eating a bit more now and wonder how I managed to survive on one egg a day!! I can't say I'm eating properly as I know I've still got a long way to go and the bulimia still rears its ugly head from time to time but I just find something to do like walking the dog,anything to get me away from the bathroom.Its a long slow process but I'm getting there .I felt a bit stupid when I went to see my dietician and showed her my food diary I've been keeping for a month,I was supposed to write down everything I'd eaten and how I felt plus my blood sugar levels but when I saw it written down it didn't look much so I put down meals I'd not eaten and I altered my blood results just because I wanted it to look as though I was 'normal', I did break down and told her what I'd done and she was fine about it,Darren said he was proud of me for telling her I'd lied,and we decided I'd do it again but this time only the truth. She also referred me to a doctor who deals with diabetic people who have eating disorders so I'm finally going to get the help I desperately need.I go into hospital next Saturday for my second hip replacement so I'll be stuck at home for at least 3 weeks and no doubt my eating will suffer a little.all I can do is carry on what I'm doing as everything is going on and I'm moving forward instead of backwards X X X X

Jo - You have no idea how delighted I was when you posted that you've resisted the urges you've had to be sick. You've made such progress. Don't lose sight of that.

I appreciate you're not going to be in control of everything when you have your op done, but hopefully the op (once you've recovered obviously) contributes to and enhances your new way of living.

What is is specifically that makes you feel certain your eating will suffer after your op?

 

[Jogreen21]

@Freema
I think it's just that after an operation and especially. after a general anaesthetic I cannot eat for a while and usually I don't eat for a couple of days as I'm always sick after the op.you never know,this time may be different and I may want to eat the same day,which would be good.last time, which was 3 months ago when I had my first hip done I had to stay in longer than others who had the same op on the same day,simply because I hadn't eaten, I just couldn't.in fact it was a nurse at the hospital who realised I had an eating disorder as I was sick straight after I did eat.She asked me if I wanted to talk about it and everything came tumbling out,she was lovely and really wanted me to get some help. She actually sent an email to my doctor telling him that I'd opened up to her and I needed some help,and that's what started the ball rolling,she told me to come into this forum and said I'd get help from people on here and she was right,I've made friends with people like yourself who have really saved my life,I was so low when I first came on this forum but all of a sudden I had people urging me on and suggesting things to eat etc. When I think back I was eating only one or two things a day,usually an egg and a small bowl of veg??! How on earth I've survived I'll never know, but because of this forum I'm still here and only looking forward,although feeling scared in case I don't eat after my operation X X X

 

[Freema]

@Freema
I think it's just that after an operation and especially. after a general anaesthetic I cannot eat for a while and usually I don't eat for a couple of days as I'm always sick after the op.you never know,this time may be different and I may want to eat the same day,which would be good.last time, which was 3 months ago when I had my first hip done I had to stay in longer than others who had the same op on the same day,simply because I hadn't eaten, I just couldn't.in fact it was a nurse at the hospital who realised I had an eating disorder as I was sick straight after I did eat.She asked me if I wanted to talk about it and everything came tumbling out,she was lovely and really wanted me to get some help. She actually sent an email to my doctor telling him that I'd opened up to her and I needed some help,and that's what started the ball rolling,she told me to come into this forum and said I'd get help from people on here and she was right,I've made friends with people like yourself who have really saved my life,I was so low when I first came on this forum but all of a sudden I had people urging me on and suggesting things to eat etc. When I think back I was eating only one or two things a day,usually an egg and a small bowl of veg??! How on earth I've survived I'll never know, but because of this forum I'm still here and only looking forward,although feeling scared in case I don't eat after my operation X X X

thank heavens for people that do more than their job-description.. that is compassion and what humans ougth be for each other..
yes maybe you´ll not be quite as ill this time because you actually have eaten more than you usually do...

the part of ones sickeness mentally where one do keep secrets and lie to people surrounding oneself, is also contributing to maintaining ones disease, so that you finally open up is even though you can maybe not see it now, this opening up is actually also a part of you going towards healing so be proud of putting your guards down now...

 

[AndBreathe]

@Freema
I think it's just that after an operation and especially. after a general anaesthetic I cannot eat for a while and usually I don't eat for a couple of days as I'm always sick after the op.you never know,this time may be different and I may want to eat the same day,which would be good.last time, which was 3 months ago when I had my first hip done I had to stay in longer than others who had the same op on the same day,simply because I hadn't eaten, I just couldn't.in fact it was a nurse at the hospital who realised I had an eating disorder as I was sick straight after I did eat.She asked me if I wanted to talk about it and everything came tumbling out,she was lovely and really wanted me to get some help. She actually sent an email to my doctor telling him that I'd opened up to her and I needed some help,and that's what started the ball rolling,she told me to come into this forum and said I'd get help from people on here and she was right,I've made friends with people like yourself who have really saved my life,I was so low when I first came on this forum but all of a sudden I had people urging me on and suggesting things to eat etc. When I think back I was eating only one or two things a day,usually an egg and a small bowl of veg??! How on earth I've survived I'll never know, but because of this forum I'm still here and only looking forward,although feeling scared in case I don't eat after my operation X X X

Jo - Fortunately, I've not had many ops, but I did have one a year or so ago, and specifically remember being asked if I'd had an anaesthetic before and how I'd felt afterwards. I've (touch wood) been fortunate to be fine, if predictably tired afterwards, but no nausea.

Is there anything you like to eat that would be portable, and maybe safe out of the fridge you could take in with you, so that if you did feel up to eating something, at least you would know you were going to like it? Failing that, would your chap be able to bring you anything when he comes in to visit?

As you probably know (and I won't go on about it) being nourished really helps with good healing.

 

[CherryAA]

I'm so glad you are still posting, and hanging in there ! of course there will be slip ups along the way, we all do that, but everything your post suggest you are getting a much healthier attitude to food in general. You may well find that with a bit more nourishment inside you, the next operation goes much better. [ hugs]

 

[Jogreen21]

I've got my smoothies all ready in the fridge to take into hospital with me so even if I don't want to eat much I've still got plenty of nutrition in my homemade drinks.since I got my smoothie maker I've not stopped !! I've got savoury ones and sweet ones and veggie ones and plain fruit ones. I love them!!! X

 

[AndBreathe]

I've got my smoothies all ready in the fridge to take into hospital with me so even if I don't want to eat much I've still got plenty of nutrition in my homemade drinks.since I got my smoothie maker I've not stopped !! I've got savoury ones and sweet ones and veggie ones and plain fruit ones. I love them!!! X

When do you go in Jo? By the sound of it pretty soon. If you don't pop back in before you go, I hope all goes well.

 

[Phoenix55]

Welcome back. Please let us know how you get on when you have had your op.

 

[lizdeluz]

Hugs and best wishes, xx