In denial

[lucinda]

Hi

I’m 21 years old and have been a type 1 diabetic since I was 8 years old. When I was younger I always had very good control over my diabetes and always kept my blood sugars nice and low. I guess this was due to my parents keeping a permanent eye on me and taking me to all my check ups and appointments etc.
Unfortunately now that seems a thing of the past. I seem to be in complete denial that I even have diabetes. I’m self conscious about it, I rarely tell people that I am a diabetic. To be completely honest (and I know I should be ashamed) I don’t look after myself in the slightest. I don’t turn up to any check ups. I rarely test my blood sugar level and sometimes don’t even inject.
I’m a fool. I just cant seem to acknowledge that I am in the makings of ruining my future! I almost wish someone would shake me or bonk me on the head and tell me to wake up and sort my diabetes out. In fact, stupidly, I’m sitting here now at my work desk having just eaten lunch and not injected. I feel permanently tired, I have no energy! And I’m sure it affects my mood.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know where to begin to get my health back on track.
I don’t have any friends who have diabetes so I don’t feel I can actually talk to anyone about it, I don’t feel they will understand...to be honest I am writing hoping that someone will understand but perhaps they wont...
I’m new to the forum so I guess I am just wondering if anyone else has been in this position?
Or for any kind of advice?

Thank you

:?

 

[alaska]

This is very similar to the position I was in when I joined here.

I was in my mid-twenties and my diabetes had been on steady a downward decline probably since my honeymoon period stopped in my early teens.

I turned things around by committing to spend a month getting my levels back under control.

I tried to pay attention to the basics:

1. Injecting at the right times
2. Blood testing at each meal (not just twice a day) -including after meal results where relevant
3. Recording the numbers down -and keeping any other notes I felt useful

I started to feel much better within a week.

I find that in this situation the second and third weeks are the thoughest as things start to go a bit wrong after a lot of early optimism, but ... if you commit to seeing out a month -by that time you'll probably have hit a good rhythm and built up some good habits again.

Once the sugars get controlled again, you should find yourself with more energy and feeling better

 

[Margi]

Hi
I almost wish someone would shake me or bonk me on the head and tell me to wake up and sort my diabetes out.
:?

Ok, consider yourself bonked and thoroughly shaken! :wink:

I understand how you feel, when things get to be more than we can manage, simply not acknowledging the problem is all we are left with, but there's a thing... it'll kill you.

Sit and look in the mirror and ask yourself if you really want to let your life end before you've lived it. And then think of what you can do with your life if you don't let the ogre diabetes win. I don't know what things you like to do, but I'm sure you do. Try to think back to the dreams you had not so long ago. What did you want to do with your life before you felt this way? You can still do all those things if there is the slightest feeling left in you to want them.

What you have done now is let your diabetes win. Picture yourself getting out a great big frying pan and beating the thing over the head with it. Yell. Loud. Out loud! "I'm stronger than you. I RULE YOU! You don't rule me." And you can rule it and make it do what you tell it. All you have to do is get that testing meter out, prick your finger, and dare to open your eyes long enough to read the result.

Then don't panic! A good start is some insulin. Then it's probably best to fess up to your diabetes nurse. Maybe print off this thread and show her/him if it's too hard to talk about.

I'm sending you loads of hugs and an unshrinkable shoulder to cry on (metaphorically, of course). If you can't face doing what I suggest, then it's ok. But if that is the case, then, if you can bring yourself to do it, (and if you can't, ask your best friend/mother/whoever to help you) call your doctor and ask for help to deal with depression, because that is the most likely problem you have. If you can manage to get over it yourself, then that's great, but if you can't, don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't ever listen to anyone who says you just have to 'think positive' or 'pull your socks up'. I know, too bitterly well, how impossible that is when you are right down there. You need someone to climb down to you in the bottom of the well and tie a rope round and haul until you can start to help climb yourself. But I guess that's a subject for Plan B if Plan A doesn't work.

I don't know if there is a pm system on here, but if there is, message me if you want to and I'll check in regularly to chat.

Best wishes and good luck. Be strong.

 

[LittleSue]

To be completely honest (and I know I should be ashamed) I don’t look after myself in the slightest. I don’t turn up to any check ups. I rarely test my blood sugar level and sometimes don’t even inject.
<snip>
I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know where to begin to get my health back on track.:?

It sounds like you know exactly where to start, you just need something to get you started and keep you motivated.

I don’t have any friends who have diabetes so I don’t feel I can actually talk to anyone about it, I don’t feel they will understand...to be honest I am writing hoping that someone will understand but perhaps they wont...
:?

Now that you're here, you DO have friends who have diabetes and understand. Obviously we can't do your tests/injections for you, but we're here to support you, to celebrate and comiserate with you. And we won't tell tales to your mum!

My advice would be to test before each meal and before bed, during the night too if your overnight control needs adjusting. Don't be depressed when the readings arent good, the first step is to quantify the problem so you can measure your improvement as well as your actual blood sugar. Tackle it logically and once your readings improve, you'll actively want to keep things under control so as not to spoil your record and to keep that inner glow that happens when things turn out right. You'll feel so much better and less tired too.
Good luck

 

[shirleybird]

Hi
Ive had diabetes for 30 years and still think i'm in denial. because it doesnt show on the outside its easy to deny whats going on on the inside. Like you i try to forget its there and just carry on doing what i want. i eat chocolate and ****** food, i drink and i dont test - ever. Now im in my late 40s i'm realising how stupid ive been. Have just been turned down for life insurance so if i die my mortgage isnt paid and my beautiful daughter gets nothing. I wish that someone had helped me emotionally with having this disease as i think that my mental state is severely compromised by unspoken fear aabout it. I take prozac and cant hold down anything but a simple job though i am well educated. If i were you, at the start of life, i would seriously look into getting help for your feelings of denial so that you can face it straight on and not end up in trouble. Hypnotherapy has helped me wioth other stuff as has counselling but ive never asked for help specifically for diabetes. It might be worth seeing what may be available to help you with this in a specific way. I do wish you luck and, as hard as it may be to face, you should try to find a way to accept it. It will all be much easier if you can. I know this may all be blah, blah, blah but be brave and do what you obviously know you need to .
best wishes

 

[jopar]

I won't beat about the bush etc..

Getting yourself back on track is going to be hard work because it will mean a lot of testing to get the information you need and getting a routine sorted is hard going etc. It won't always be like this as things settle down again a your daily managment routine will get a lot easier and less intensive feeling.. But the rewards for seeing it through is well worth the effort...

You not only feel a lot better in yourself, but new situations will become a lot easier to tackle the diabetic side of things.. And I've found that more people hold you in awe because well you'll living a very normal life, and you'll diabetic awesome :lol:

You do need to be brave and get back into the check-up side of things, now I know that you've probably avoided going due to feelings of well I haven't done this or that, or my results aren't going to be good etc.. But finding the courage to see your gp and get a referal back to clinic is well worth it... As the team will not be judgmental at all, they will understand..

The truth is you won't be their first diabetic who lost their way nor will you be your last, it's quite common for diabetics at some point of time to go 'what the heck I scared' and still their head in the sand with the hope it will all go away..

You can't change the past, but you can change the future, yes it's scary and does take courage but once you get past those first steps you won't regret it..

 

[lucinda]

Thank you for all your replies, its noce to know I am not alone in this and that other people do understand.

Am going to do my best! I know I can do it!

I downloaded one of those iPhone apps which helps you track your blood sugars etc, so will see if I can put that to good use.

 

[AndyS]

Hey Lucinda,

Good luck with getting back on track. It sounds like you know exactly what to do you just weren't sure where to start and that is completely understandable. Though since you have got yourself a method to start recording your blood sugars that is probably the best start you could have made.

Once you have got to grips with what the carbs do to your bloods and then what the insulin does to your bloods you are mostly there.
Don't be disheartened by the occasional spikes, the important thing is your overall average. To give you an example I woke up with a 12.3 this morning :shock: but I simply corrected and moved on. I know that by lunch things will be fine, if they are not then I start doing other things.

Have you been taught how to carb count and work out your corrections yourself?
As has been said the folks at the diabetes clinics can be brilliant. The DSN's in particular can be your biggest supporters. In my experience they tend to be more willing to work with you and help you understand thing better. Also they tend to have a more practical view on things which the Dr's often lack.
If you want to make a start on some of the carb counting and dose adjustment you can take a look here: http://www.bdec-e-learning.com/ and also speak to your local clinic about DAFNE, though be warned the wait can be significant. I waited 2 years to get a course, but it was well worth it.

Good luck, stick with it. Don't sweat the occasional spike and don't beat yourself up too badly. You have already taken a huge positive step.
The folks here have collectively got several centuries worth of experience, good and bad, so know where you are coming from.
Be brave, you aren't alone

/A

 

[sugar2]

Good luck Lucinda.

Yes, you were (were not are notice!!) a fool, but I write this as I was a fool too, in my teenage years, and I have the retinopathy to prove it.

the good news is though, since I gave myself teh proverbial "slap! things ahve got better and better, as I realsied, that I am in control of this (moost of the time).

Re the check ups. i also found, that a very frank conversation with teh team helped. Once they could see that I was trying to help myself, they did everything they could, to help me, help myself.

Don't get disheartened, if you hit a rocky spell, just chalk it up to experience, and use teh experience to do a better job from now on.

I find staying around here very inspiring, and helps me stay on track..becasse it is not just me.

 

[.chris.]

hi lucinda.
I have only just joined this site and I am so glad I did, reading your post has made me feel like I am not on my own, I am a similar age (22) to you and i can understand almost everything you have said...

I know exactly what you mean when you say you have know one to talk to properly... i struggle to talk to most people about having diabetes, and those that I do just cant seem to understand what im going through.
I have gone through stages where it is easier not to check my levels because certain people around me dont know i have got diabetes and i cant be bothered to go through the whole thing of explaining it to them.

although my control is better than it has ever been now i still struggle to talk to certain people about it.. and I have never met anyone under 50 with type 1 diabetes, so i have never had anyone to relate to, which has just made me feel so alone the whole time.

I see this was posted about a year ago. how are you coping with things now?? hope things are better for you, as i understand exactly what your going through

 

[SouthernGeneral6512]

Thinking back to when I was your age it's only natural to leave behind the ways of childhood as you grow up and I think you associate good diabetes control with that time now past rather than a necessity of the present