I'm really pleased to see so many people saying that sexual orientation really isn't an issue :mrgreen: We have come a long way since Stonewall 40 years ago.
However, if you are not lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgendered you probably won't understand coming out from the perspective of someone who is. You may think that sexual orientation really isn't anyone else's business, but if you are heterosexual this is because you don't have to explain because we live in a heterosexual world, where the assumed "norm" is straight.
Now, there is a world of difference between being bullied and victimised - and killed in some cases, my heart goes out to the kids who survived the shootings in Tel Aviv at the weekend, and the families and friends of those who were killed - and feeling a bit oppressed because of how you fear others will react to your sexual orientation when you tell them. They may say it doesn't matter to them, but it matters to you. And actually, if they thought about it a bit more they would realise it probably did matter to them too :|
Coming out is bl**dy hard work, straight people have no idea how hard because they see reflections of themselves everywhere they look. Some people get a really hard time over coming out, risking rejection of family and friends, even now in the 21st century :cry: You have no idea what will happen until you do it.
I have never been queerbashed, but I have friends who have, I have had names shouted at me in the street and I have stayed in a group because I feared for my safety if I was alone. I have been victimised and bullied and treated less favourably because I am an out lesbian at work (I have also had some amazing support). I have wasted time trying to reject pointless advice on contraception :roll: I have been unable to get appropriate treatment and support for myself and a member of my extended family because the person trying to advise me can't get their head around what I'm telling them. And because they can't get their head around it, they can't write down anything useful for the next person we see, so we have to go through it all again :? :shock: :cry: However, this is only a very small part of my life which certainly isn't sad or oppressed
Every time we meet someone new we have to decide when, exactly, we will come out, because to go along with the assumption of heterosexuality is ultimately dishonest. Heterosexual people don't have to do this. And you can bet that if you don't come out, that the person who protested their openmindedness in relation to your sexual orientation might well say that they were hurt that you hadn't come out to them. Can't win sometimes.
I came out when I was 26, over 20 years ago. It is easier now than it was then, we now have the protection of the law, but that doesn't always make it easier in practice :? I'm bored with coming out now, I have been doing it for over 20 years :| But every time I meet someone new I have to decide if and when I will come out and how I will do it. Obviously, I don't feel the need to say "I'm a lesbaian and I'd like to pay for the fuel on pump 6". The fact that I am a lesbian isn't usually the first thing that most people find out about me, but most people will find out if they have more than fleeting contact with me.
Every time I have a conversation about partners with someone I don't know, the assumption is that the partner I don't have is male :| And it gets to a point where it seems dishonest not to have come out :? and it becomes more difficult the longer you leave it :roll: Because every time you don't correct that assumption you confirm it :| :roll:
We seem to be able to do smut and inuendo, but often get terribly embarassed when we talk about anything really personal to do with sex. But even sexual orientation isn't necessarily about sex - I know being heterosexual has nothing to do with sex most of the time. I think Stephen Fry said it best when he came out as both celibate and a gay man several years ago, by assuring people that he was celibate, but the gender of the person he wasn't sleeping with was male :lol: :lol: :lol:
So, if someone's sexual orientation isn't an issue for you, you might still need to make sure that you give that person (who you are trying to reassure) a chance to say their part early on in your frienship/relationship
) so just join in Red. There isn't a divide here. We concentrate on Diabetes and Diabetics. 