Losing motivation

Hi and welcome @Katiejinks14

Firstly don't beat yourself up, what your experiencing is pretty common for t1's at your age, how you're being treated is totally unfair, your team should not be telling you that you're not doing well enough, that's counter productive.

Let's start with this, when you have been doing well, how has that looked ? so what level of testing and what readings were you getting ? Also are you injecting or pumping and if injecting what insulins are you using ? What does your current control look like ?

Motivation will come, but please don't take on board the negativity from your team, it's about getting you to the 'diabetes happy place' where you are testing, injecting and your t1 is a minor distraction.

Hi,

No medical practitioner should ever tell you that you are a disappointment to others in the same situation.

We are all individuals and are all different. Some handle diabetes well, some not so well; point is, we are all diabetic and that's that. I don't compare myself to other type 2s because they aren't me and if my doctor said to me, "You aren't doing as well as Mr X" I would simply shrug my shoulders and say "Well, I am not Mr X" whose history, physical shape, mental state etc might be very different from mine.

Trust yourself. If you are doing the best you can then tell yourself that and don't beat yourself up. Doctors do not know everything so don't be swayed by their opinions. Its advice, not fact.

Look after yourself. Concentrate on you and enjoy University.

Good luck!

Well this T1 is in no way disappointed in you! I am pleased that you have made the effort to post and that you are thinking this through.
Medics do not have to live with diabetes and they sometimes make comments without realising the full impact of what they say.
No one has perfect control all the time, it’s keeping at it and tweaking things that get us through.

Hi @Katiejinks14

No you're not the only one who 'messes' things up. To be honest I have days of absolute nirvana where I can stay in range and not go above 9, and then there are days where it goes pear shaped, I have to admit I don't get very stressed about it as being stressed keeps my levels high. I was fixated with perfection when I was diagnosed over 7 years ago and was pretty low when things went wrong, so this of course happened alot, but over time I became mentally braced for imperfection, in fact embracing it as at least so I could analyse why and it would help me increase my knowledge of what worked and what didn't. However it does go wrong alot still, reasons it goes pear shaped include time of the month, I seem to get insulin resistant some months for about 3-6 days before I am due on and it takes more work to get control again, when stressed/ill my levels rise, or if I have a hypo then I can end up with a rubber ball day going high/low/high/low, so there's multiple reasons why things go astray.

Your diabetes team do not live with this as Kat has said, so their criticism is unfair, if i've had someone put me down over my control i've simply said to them 'if you were in my shoes what would you do' ?

So any ideas why you experience these events ? Your team should support you and if you face negativity again do not be afraid of complaining about it, there is work being done in the NHS to challenge this behaviour and as you've been stopped from seeking help when you needed it because of their behaviour then it does need to be challenged.

@Juicyj has given some great pointers there.
I am interested that you say you are being sick - does that coincide with the messed up days and have you mentioned it to your team? Also (sounding like your mum) do you check for ketones when this happens?
If I am sick numbers become errr, interesting...

Hi @Katiejinks14, As a T1D, not as health professional advice or opinion:
I was having similar problems with my diabetes clinic doctors at the same age,
47 years ago !! I think hospital systems breed these people, and I wonder which
dinosaur eggs they hatch from !!
And my diabetes would flare up on the days just before until the days after I had my appointment
or 'disappointment with whichever dinosaur'.
The nurses in the clinic on the other hand were marvellous.
No DSNs back then. If I was a cartoonist what fun I could have had !!!

Being stubborn and not wanting to let the turkeys grind me down I started asking questions like:
" Right, so things are upset with my diabetes a day or two before I come to see you until the day or two afterwards.
What do YOU think is the cause and what I should do about it. ? "(I now realise in hindsight that this was like
saying, 'If he and his like are part of the problem, they are part of the solution').
In blunt Aussie fashion. "You are part of my problem, mate, so earn your keep and help me solve it".
Warning: But not everyone responds well to this !!!

Sometimes this would end up like a game of ping-pong;
Dr:"Your results are not good, you have to do better",
Me: "Well can you help me with this? I have kept records and shown them to you. I cannot figure out
what is happening. And I do not want to end up having to go to hospital'.
Dr: "No, that is up to you"
Me: "Well if I end in hospital, is that what you would like me to say your advice was"?
Dinosaurs have thick hides though and the next one might have similar brain dimensions.

I ask my health team these days to work out some plans with me: a sick day plan, when to ring for help plan,
,, when going to hospital is best; how do and when do I need to measure/check for ketones?
And as another person has written: What to do /what adjustments to make for monthly cycles .
These are what my health team's job and purpose is about. Helping me to solve problems and stop other
ones happening.

I have no qualms now about heading to hospital if I have done everything I can to get things under control.
I do not wish to be a sad statistic, nor should you, just because a member of your health team is behaving like a cranky parental figure or pre-historic cockroach!!!!!
I reckon my health team will be dead scared if I had to go to hospital because they had not been supportive.

Every so often the clinic doctor I met was a real gem. I could sit down and work through things, come up with a plan - which what health teams these days are supposed to be about. My current endo and DSN are fantastic and can rightly bask in the glory that my diabetes is sometimes gold star quality. ( but I have got to watch that all of this does not change my hat size")!!!

I get it, they are busy, stressed and maybe take it out on patients, I have seen it a thousand times.
You have mentioned that your BSLs can be really on target. That is wonderful. Getting them to help you with where things go wrong, getting them to help 'own' the problems and solve them with you. They are no longer playing in the sandpit.

As adults us T1Ds have been handed extra responsibilities. Not easy.
Nobody asked me if I wanted to be a full-time pilot for part of my pancreas gland!! And where is the flight manual??

But: with some humour; with some striving to keep well; analysing what is happening ( where is Sherlock Holmes when he is needed)?; posting on this site (some of us have made enough mistakes to help others with not making them)!!!; remembering that there are good and not-so-good Diabetes Gremlins about that ensure that what works one day works the next and then not on the next next, is all part of this life!!!
Bestest Wishes and please keep posting:

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