Hi,
I unfortunately, had a breakdown a couple of years back. And after my fami!y urged me,told me, and this was during lockdown, I spoke of my issues with her and resulted in two years of counselling. You have taken a first step by posting on here. Now the next step is your GP or a helpline to one of the many charitable mental counsellors.
Don't sit in silence, let those people help you, and take it easy on yourself.
Speak to someone who won't judge you and of course confidential.
That is the next best step
I was with Mind for my last lot of counselling and I would recommend them, and the tea is brilliant!
Take care, best wishes.