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Not been taking insulin

Discussion in 'Emotional and Mental Health' started by Carlyh210, Nov 19, 2020.

  1. Carlyh210

    Carlyh210 Type 1 · Member

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    Hi all,

    Just looking for a little advice.

    My dad passed away recently and my world has collapsed. I have never felt so low. We were sooo close. His funeral was on Monday and everyday has just seemed like a whirlwind. Shortly after he passed away I got told it was type 1 diabetes i had (i was awaiting test results to confirm)
    Now I have been told what insulin to take how much and when, and i was taking it in the beginning.
    However, since my dad passed, recently i have just given up. I have 2 children and even getting them to school on a daily basis is a struggle. I dont want to eat and when i do i dont take my insulin.
    I had a check up last week and had blood sugar level of 21 and ketones of 2.4. Obviously the nurse told me to take my insulin and has called me everyday since checking.
    Now im finding myself lying to her about my levels and saying they are ok.
    I checked my levels just now and my meter says hi which obviously is because im not taking insulin, ketones are 1.9 so not as bad.
    I know what I’m doing is stupid, immature and pathetic but I just don’t seem to care about anything anymore and certainly not about my health. I am trying my best to look after my mum as much as i can aswell and im 40miles away from her. Im trying to care for my children just as i used to and do the housework, cooking, homework, etc my partner has a slipped disc and can’t do much at all so I’m also caring for him. Im trying to not show anyone how broken i am But I’m struggling to find any motivation at all to do anything. I’m in such a low place and don’t know where to turn. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou

     
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    #1 Carlyh210, Nov 19, 2020 at 9:45 AM
    Last edited: Nov 19, 2020
  2. KK123

    KK123 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Carly, I really do you feel for you, you are clearly grieving and this can cause a person to 'give up'. What you are doing is actually self harming and you know that you will become VERY ill and end up in hospital or worse. That's the reality of it as I'm sure you know. All I can say is think of what your Dad would want you to do, it sounds like you loved each other very much and you KNOW that he would probably be cross with you if you neglected yourself, your children (by 'harming' yourself) and your Mum and partner. I bet your Dad loved his grandchildren deeply and I imagine that the thought of you like this would hurt him? Nobody can ask a person to hurry up and get over their grief, it takes a LOT of time, but imagine how much worse it would all be for you and your family if you fell into a coma and got rushed off to hospital? PLEASE take your insulin as this scenario could happen within a few days if you simply leave it. You came onto this site for help and believe me, you will get it in abundance. I, for one am thinking of you right now, you have SO much pressure on you at this time and I would say keep thinking of your Dad and what HE would want you to do as a tribute to him and his love. xxxx
     
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  3. Carlyh210

    Carlyh210 Type 1 · Member

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    Thank you for your kind words.
    He really would have wanted me to take it and I know what a idiot I am being at the moment. I just feel so hopeless, worthless and don’t want to do anything now he isn’t here. I really am grateful for your kind words. Just want to pull myself together get a grip but am finding it so hard
     
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  4. In Response

    In Response Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    @Carlyh210 your message is, understandably very sad - you have a lot to deal with and it sounds as if you are trying to deal with it alone. You do not have to - you have admitted the problem to us, could you admit it to someone close and get them to help/remind you to take your insulin.
    As @KK123 mentioned you risk your health and, in turn, those you are trying to protect.

    If you are struggling, what about telling the nurse who calls you daily and asking for assistance?
    Being told and know you should take insulin is not enough you need to want to take it and be willing to give yourself time to do so.

    Look after yourself and, in doing so, you are looking after others around you.
     
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  5. Antje77

    Antje77 LADA · Moderator
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    Hi @Carlyh210 , I'm sorry you're in such a dark place right now.
    It sounds like at the moment everything together is just too much for you to cope with on your own.
    Please reach out to your GP or diabetes nurse to ask for help! The grief will get a bit easier to handle after a while, but you need to survive in the mean time. It may help a lot to speak with a psychologist to get you through this dark period.

    Having high BG's all the time likely means you feel even worse, mentally (for many of us feeling depressed is a symptom of high blood glucose!). The nasty part is feeling even more depressed means you feel like managing your diabetes even less, which feeds the depression and so on and so forth.

    May I ask how old your children are?

    Wish you all the best, I hope things will get better for you shortly!
     
  6. Rachox

    Rachox Type 2 (in remission!) · Moderator
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    Oh @Carlyh210 , I so understand what you are going through, my Dad died too 5 months ago. I now have to help out my elderly mother even more than before and we live a distance apart too, while helping hubby and two adult kids who have their own challenges in this dystopian world we live in now. I can’t advise about your type 1 as I’m a type 2, but mental health wise if you’re in the U.K. you can refer yourself to local mental health services, you don’t have to go through your GP. I had a course of counselling over the phone. It was so good to talk to someone not immediately involved in my situation. I was told that I would never stop grieving for my Dad but it does get easier to cope with. I was told this at the beginning and just thought everyone says that but it’s true, it is much more easy to remember the good times with my Dad now.
    Another thing that was suggested was on significant days, so Father’s Day, his birthday etc... to write a letter to your Dad saying all the things you would have said to him if he was still here. It’s somehow keeps a connection with him while I’m writing them and I derive comfort from them when on occasions I choose to read them back.
    Sending loads of love and hugs xx
     
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  7. Carlyh210

    Carlyh210 Type 1 · Member

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    I have a 5 year old boy and a 12 girl (who is also type 1) I feel such a hypocrite as i am always telling her to make sure she takes her insulin at school and nighttime insulin. I have hid the fact im not taking it to everyone. Thank you for your reply it means a lot
     
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  8. Carlyh210

    Carlyh210 Type 1 · Member

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    Thank you for replying. Im so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your advice I will try and seek someone who i can talk to through mental health services. I appreciate your help
     
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  9. DCUKMod

    DCUKMod I reversed my Type 2 · Master
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    @Carlyh210 - You really have had a bagful of rubbish times of late. You must be reeling.

    I'm not going to say anything about your diabetes, except to say to you what someone said to me when I felt right up against it and that is "You can't drink from an empty cup".

    In case you're not familiar with the saying, it's essentially saying that you can't look after others, if you don't look after yourself first. Easier said than done, of course.

    I really do wish you well. Greif is a horrid, all consuming emotion
     
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