Feeling like I’ve jumped the gun a bit and that I’ll be telling you all in the next couple of days that the bloods were a glitch and that I’m fine and don’t have diabetes. I am totally in denial. Is this normal.
Absolutely normal. It's one of the stages of grief, and whatever way you turn it a (potential) diagnosis does induce some of that. I can tell you, that if you did jump the gun, all of us will be quite happy for you. And a little jealous besides.
And if you didn't jump the gun, well... We can help you work through it.
As you said, you are overweight and no diet has stuck before. Low carb can help, even if your bloodsugars don't need fixing. I got huge due to meds, PCOS and Hashimoto's (and absolutely rubbish advice from my dietician which made a bad obese situation worse and morbidly obese), and was told I just couldn't help being big: that was just my lot in life. (That was a direct quote from my dietician). I went to a gym until my rheumatism threw a wrench in and my hip became severely inflamed, but even then, it didn't help anyway. After all, and you'll hear this one here often: You can't outrun a bad diet. And you really need to be able to stick with it. Solution to that is usually finding food you really enjoy eating. I don't hate my eggs with loads of bacon and goat's cheese, and I love my tuna salad, meat and fish... Nuts, adore 'em, but not half as much as my extra dark chocolate! And I never knew I'd really enjoy celery sticks with a bit of hummus as a snack or even as lunch. Hipster-chow suits me.
Avocado took some getting used to, but I like them in my salad, or with a little salt & pepper. And I have a McD or BK burger about once a month, sometimes two: I just tell 'em to hold the bun, and voila, low carb. (And a lot juicier without that spunge they usually serve it with). Find food that loves you back. It works, honest. And it makes being on a diet less of a punishment; it becomes part of the reward.
My mom's about as wide as she is tall, (sadly, that's not a mean exaggeration...) and she's trying to low carb a little now. She can't remember carbs half the time and she's not quite as motivated or as rigorous as I am, (and not diabetic), but she does have heart and lung problems, and since she's started reducing carbs she's found she can actually walk little distances again without running out of breath or her heart pounding out of her chest, and she's stopped wheezing months ago, which she's done for over a decade. So even for non-diabetics it does have an impact. She doesn't see it, but she is losing weight. It's hard to tell when you see yourself in the mirror every day, but I can see it, in her face especially.
You hold on to hope as long as you have/need to, and as long as you can without having it crushed. Mine went out the window when I made a so-called curve the day after I found my bloodglucose was a bit high. I borrowed my diabetic cat's meter and took a reading every hour, on the hour. I've had bad things happen to me in my life, but that day was one of the ones where I cried the most. I couldn't deny an 18+ reading post-lunch, and I was just... In a puddle. There was no way around that, no denying anything from that point in. You feel whatever you need to feel and work through it as you need to work through it. Whatever comes next, good news or bad... We're rooting for you!
Hugs,
Jo
