Oldies,

[Pura Vida]

Oldies, but good enough for another round...









1. Nineteen Newfoundlanders go to the cinema. The ticket lady asks
"Why so many of you?" Buddy replies, "The ad said 18 or over."





2. My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went
to our local pet shop and they were $70. Forget it, I thought, I can
get one cheaper off the web.

3. I was at an A.T.M. yesterday. A little old lady asked if I could
check her balance, so I pushed her over.

4. Statistically, six out of seven dwarfs are not Happy.

5. My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 a.m.
Can you believe that! 2:30 a.m.?
Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

6. The wife was counting all the nickels and dimes out on the kitchen
table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying
for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

7). An East Indian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled
the world, has swum with sharks, has wrestled bears and climbed the
highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was Bindair
Dundat.

 

[DSWJones]

Like the humour - we all need something to brighten our day.
How about this story:

In the Pacific Ocean lie two islands, close to each other but thousands of miles from any other land. On one island the natives love to carve just about anything - wood, stone, shells etc. As a result there is very little wood left on their island and it has become precious. Each year they make a fabulous new throne for their king, exquisitely carved with birds, animals and plant motifs.
Unfortunately for them the inhabitants of the neighbouring island are very warlike and the carvers are their only available enemy. Thus, once a year, the warriors take to their dugout canoes, perpetrate a swift massacre upon the carvers and steal the new king's throne.
Back at their own island, they arrive in triumph. Their king's grass hut is notable as it is the only two storey grass hut and the ground floor is used for a huge feast and celebration as he is installed on the newly stolen carved throne. The previous year's throne is removed and stored on the second floor. After centuries of raiding their neighbours, there are hundreds of thrones up there.
Then, one year, during the feast attended by the whole population, an ominous creaking and groaning sound was heard. Suddenly, the whole upper floor collapsed under the weight of thrones and killed everybody.
The moral of this story? People who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones!