please someone listen to me I am so worried

Gravity-Carb · Aug 15, 2015

vintageutopia said:
@andreaabbott1 , enormous hugs to you. Between your husband and the responsibility of your special needs children, you have such a full plate and I can hear the frustration and desperation in your written voice. It makes me tear up...we hear you.

To start, I know you love him and want to clunk him over the head at the same time, but you can't MAKE him see the light. He probably hasn't felt good in so long, that he isn't aware of how good he *could* feel if he were to start taking better care of himself. And he might be experiencing a sense of overwhelming loss, as he has had to deal with several ailments over the past few years. Maybe, he feels he is spiraling so far down that he doesn't think it is worth the effort to try to improve his health.

However, for YOUR sanity, I would stop. Stop the information giving, stop the nagging, and stop trying to own his bad choices. He doesn't care and it is just causing you absolute misery. Why should he have to worry or manage his own condition when you are carrying that burden for him?

As far as food, I wouldn't buy the fizzy drinks, donuts, or Belgian buns. If he wants them, it will be up to him to buy them. If he can't manage the store, then he will go without. It sounds heartless, but I would not enable him.

Lastly, I would just love him as he is. He has dug his heels in the sand and may have shifted his focus to you, rather than his own disease. If he can stay mad at you for what you say or do, it takes the focus off himself. In his mind, YOU are the problem, not him. And he may be feeling a bit childish and trying to stick it to you by completely disregarding your love and efforts.

In the meantime, you may find it helpful to come here and rant or find a counselor that can offer you an unbiased ear. You can't keep that bottled up inside you or your health will also begin to fail.

You are strong and you have had to be strong for a very long time. Take care of YOU, so that you can take care of your children. And just love him for what he is right now. Eventually, he may change or he may not. That is his choice, though.

Oh my days that is a heart wrenching surrender to this situation, but unfortunately one that has to take place. OP, you only have so much energy emotional and physical and yes your in a high maintenance caring postion for the long-haul. I wish you all the luck, support and strength.
Just loving your husband as is without the desperate plee for him to take charge of his health will be hard, you might need some help with that, ask your gp for a councillor referral as cognitive behaviour therapy will help with YOUR self beliefs and behaviour changes. You can't own his choices, you haven't failed anything or anyone, you'll just be accepting the situation. I am not that religious, but that Serenity Prayer comes to mind, I don't know it properly but it's all about strength courage, wisdom and acceptance. Kinda your bag right now.
You know if your able to really get to that place of acceptance and loving as is without, your husband will feel the shift in your relationship. That it isn't threats of leaving him or nagging his choices or taking him to doctor's. He just won't have that to focus on, and you will be in the process of accepting his choice of not caring if he lives or dies. So hard hun.
Please please take the time.
Yoga in the am before anyone is up, when I remember, helps me centre myself for the day. 10mins with You-Tube a few breathing excerises and bring it on.
I really hope you can vain strength from the empathy, support and advice on this forum. PM me if you want.
Take care.

Stemar · Aug 16, 2015

andreaabbott1 said:
I am sorry this is going to be along post, I am just begging please for some response or advice on where to go what to ask for.
My husband has been type 2 for 15 years, totally out of control

he is never under 10.6 and the last blood test his HBC was 120

now he hasnt heeded the warning signs at all he hasnt been able to get an erection for over 8 years, even with viagra.

he has also had something wrong with his eyes related to high blood sugar

the passed 4 years he has complained of calf pain when walking

last year he developed a pain near his shoulder blade he was convinced he had been stung, which he hadnt but the sensation spread round to his chest and he was put on amitriptyline.

This March for no reason he developed a pain in his leg muscle at the top he said it felt like a strain he had done nothing to course this
but the pain spread into his back and down his leg and he convinced himself he had sciatica

BUT and heres the but since March and even being on tramadol the pain is worse its in his groin and all the way down the front of his legs to the point he cant bear anyone to even touch his legs
he also falls because his leg gives way in April he could go up stairs with ease now he cant climb the stairs, the pain wakes him at night and he spends most of the day laying around in pain.

he is on morphine patches

no one seems to be listening to me he hasnt been referred anywhere and even a walk around the supermarket is getting to much for him

also in 2 months he has lost over 3 stone in weight while you may say thats great it isnt when you are eating packs of doughnuts and belgian buns and consuming 4 cans of fizzy drinks aday

he is not eating normal food stuff as he says he has gone off food

so from March my husband has gone from a relatively fit 67 year old to being less mobile than my 87 year old uncle

I need answers, I need to know if this is just going to continue to get worse to the point he wont be able to walk or will it get better

who do i ask my GP to refer him to as my GP just says oh its muscles pain

Andrea

HI Andrea,

I have to agree with all of the responses your post has received, your husband seems like a real "Jackass" and unfortunately a lot of the Doctors in the UK think Type 2 Diabetes is a problem brought on by a persons lifestyle choices in the past and feel they should make changes based on changing their basic bad habits. But unfortunately I don't mean to scare you, but I think your Husband has let his condition go well past the Due Date and he needs to see an Endocrinologist ASAP, or he may find that his Organs will become irreversibly damaged, or worse. So either get him to a Hospital or to see a Specialist. I know that your hardest task will be to get him to admit he has a problem and it's out of his control, as you can lead a horse to water but it's another thing to get it to take a drink, it has to want to. Anyway I wish you all the best in your endeavor, I hope your husband wants to turn things around which will be a big step in the right direction, anyway good luck!
You are never alone when your a member of this Forum as there is always someone who will respond to a plea for help, or information, so don't be a stranger as there is always help, Ok!!!

Stemar, (Downunder)

amj789 · Aug 16, 2015

andreaabbott1 said:
The GP did a blood test last week and his hb had gone down to 88 the doctor said thats good and didnt seem at all worried about the sudden huge weight loss

do not like the sound of your dismissive doctor- please try to find one who understands Diabetes- look on the NHS forums for reviews of GP surgeries in your area to move to.
The longer your husband eats so badly-the worse this will get...he needs a Diabetes Support Team-and fast
Good Luck x

macdoug · Aug 16, 2015

Wouldn't it be fantastic if he adopted a diet and lifestyle that would normalise his sugar levels and improve his health. It is possible and even easy to do if you know how and you have the desire. If he wants proof, there are many here doing it. I myself am one. I was borderline obese when I was diagnosed and just look at me now, a little over a year later. I started without a clue what to do. I was a hopeless junk food addict and my wife just considered me as good as dead when I got diagnosed. I knew better. I wanted to live, more than I wanted to eat and so it was easy for me. Wouldn't that be great if your hubby did that? I wish I could wave a magic wand for you but I can't, all I can do is listen which is all you asked for. I can't get your husband to do anything at all and I understand how frustrating this must be for you. If you will allow, I do have some words to offer you which echoes some of the advice already given and may be helpful
Acceptance. You need to be able to accept the situation and the likelihood that it won't change. If you can do that, you will find peace. While you judge the circumstances as unacceptable, and attempt to alter it to suit your own guidelines, you will make the situation only worse for yourself. This is difficult. We all judge our worlds as less than ideal and then go around making our lives even more miserable trying to fix it up. The key is forgiveness. If you can forgive your hubby, really forgive him, completely letting go of the condemnation you have against his behaviour and accept him, as perfect just as he is, you will find peace in this situation. I can't promise you will miraculously get the change you would like in him but, It is a loving thing you do for yourself when you forgive another If you can give yourself this gift, even just a little, the effects can be very powerful, and thats an understatement.
I apologise if my words offend you in any way as that was not my intention. Thank you for sharing so honestly and I wish only the best for you and your husband.

photognut · Aug 16, 2015

Hi Andrea,

First off, you truly have my admiration.

By total coincidence, I have stumbled across something. My friend suffers from Fibromyalgia and we swap research which throws up interesting connections. What has Fibromyalgia got to with diabetes? In the book - What your Doctor may not tell you about Fibromyalgia by R.Paul St. Amand. In chapter 5 he says Hypoglycemia and Fibromyalgia often go hand in hand. Fibromyalgia is often difficult to diagnose, suffers experience excruciating pain, fatigue to a debilitating degree - not saying this is the reason, just trying to offer additional possibility to explore. Keep ya chin up, I hope a way forward for you and your husband is found.

Gravity-Carb · Aug 16, 2015

macdoug said:
Wouldn't it be fantastic if he adopted a diet and lifestyle that would normalise his sugar levels and improve his health. It is possible and even easy to do if you know how and you have the desire. If he wants proof, there are many here doing it. I myself am one. I was borderline obese when I was diagnosed and just look at me now, a little over a year later. I started without a clue what to do. I was a hopeless junk food addict and my wife just considered me as good as dead when I got diagnosed. I knew better. I wanted to live, more than I wanted to eat and so it was easy for me. Wouldn't that be great if your hubby did that? I wish I could wave a magic wand for you but I can't, all I can do is listen which is all you asked for. I can't get your husband to do anything at all and I understand how frustrating this must be for you. If you will allow, I do have some words to offer you which echoes some of the advice already given and may be helpful
Acceptance. You need to be able to accept the situation and the likelihood that it won't change. If you can do that, you will find peace. While you judge the circumstances as unacceptable, and attempt to alter it to suit your own guidelines, you will make the situation only worse for yourself. This is difficult. We all judge our worlds as less than ideal and then go around making our lives even more miserable trying to fix it up. The key is forgiveness. If you can forgive your hubby, really forgive him, completely letting go of the condemnation you have against his behaviour and accept him, as perfect just as he is, you will find peace in this situation. I can't promise you will miraculously get the change you would like in him but, It is a loving thing you do for yourself when you forgive another If you can give yourself this gift, even just a little, the effects can be very powerful, and thats an understatement.
I apologise if my words offend you in any way as that was not my intention. Thank you for sharing so honestly and I wish only the best for you and your husband.

That was what I was trying to say.... powerful stuff.

Gravity-Carb · Aug 16, 2015

andreaabbott1 said:
Its been over 10 days and NO MRI results back.
hubby is falling over more and more and since posting he has lost another stone in weight
it is dropping off him
the skin on his leg is all baggy and the leg is cold to touch

he may as well be superglued to the sofa as he spends more time than the cat asleep on it.

he has stupidly run out of tramadol so he has no pain killers, not that they were doing anything other than making him sleep they were not reliving the pain at all

He is saying the pain is worse, I have said I will take him to A&E then perhaps he can be given a steroid injection or at least referred, to the right place quicker than the GP will do, but all though he is getting worse he keeps saying he will wait for the MRI results as the GP maybe able to give him something for the pain.
personally I am at a lose as to what the GP can do

I dont know his Bloods as he hasnt taken them

How's he doing? I really don't think you've got time to do all those other things we've suggested on this thread.
If things have gotten worse then please take him to A&E, tell him to shut-the-f-up and talk for him.
I really hope you are getting some face to face support with your girls and your hubby.
My thoughts are with you.
G-C

andreaabbott1 · Aug 24, 2015

well the results are back from the MRI saw the GP today again less than helpful
MRI shows slight degeneration typical of his age group.
a slightly trapped nerve on the left hand side
so i asked why is his right leg wasting away and he is in so much pain all the time
in fact another stone has gone in weight Atrophy now all over rapid onset
GP said he didnt know
said he would refer him to orthopedics (GRRRRR)
sent hubby for a chest xray, and blood tests including FBC CRP ESR and bone
as well as the tramadol, Amitriptyline he has started him on 25mg twice a day of Pregabalin which he is to increase to 50ml twice a day
GP said he will see him again next week, only we couldnt make an appointment for next week the next appointment date is 15 september
hubby fell 5 times today ,
he now wont wear socks as he says they hurt him and make his feet cold, although honestly his leg is now bone with loose skin
he has terrible knee pain as well
it has now got to the point that even if you brush up against his leg he wants to cry with pain
when he lays down he cant even lift the leg at all and again today no reflex when the GP tested them

for no reason his bloods were 23.4 last night
he had porridge for breakfast, skipped lunch because he was sleeping
I cooked him 2 small lamb chops for dinner with 4 new potatoes he ate 2, a handful of kale boiled, 1 piece of broccoli
and a 1/4 of a serving of bisto no salt instant gravy

ButtterflyLady · Aug 24, 2015

Tramadol and amitriptyline together is a known interaction that can cause bad side effects. Has he been taking them together for a while?

If the GP said he would see him again next week then that needs to happen. Call the GP surgery and ask to speak to a nurse and not a receptionist about it. The GP can fit him in somewhere... and if he can't then he should see a different doctor, but next week, not 15 Sept, that is too far away.

An orthopaedic specialist is the right kind of specialist to see about a trapped nerve affecting a leg. I hope he can see one asap.

The tramadol may be contributing to his falls because it is sedating. A walking frame can reduce falling. They can usually be hired from disability equipment suppliers (In NZ the hospitals will loan them out too, but you have to have an assessment with an occupational therapist, which is more time and bureaucracy).

andreaabbott1 · Aug 24, 2015

doing my own research I think he has Proximal neuropathy it fits all his symptoms to a T.
I am going to ring the doctors tomorrow and ask if hubby can be referred to a neurologist

ButtterflyLady · Aug 24, 2015

andreaabbott1 said:
doing my own research I think he has Proximal neuropathy it fits all his symptoms to a T.
I am going to ring the doctors tomorrow and ask if hubby can be referred to a neurologist

Could be, but keep in mind that when a structural problem like a trapped nerve shows up on MRI, it is real, and will be contributing to his symptoms. It's possible to have both a trapped nerve and proximal neuropathy of course. And also to be under the care of both a neurologist and an orthopaedic specialist.

Stemar · Aug 25, 2015

Hi Andrea,

I'm sorry to hear your husbands condition has worsened, but it sounds like you've got things into a sort of working order for a positive outcome, which I hope is possible. So you need to make sure that your husband is in the same frame of mind, because a positive attitude is 33% of the treatment as it'll enable him to accept the things he needs to do, that in the past he has ignored, or chose not to do, like the Soft Drinks, Doughnuts and other things he knows are not good for him and his condition. So takecare and I wish you all the best with your future and the future of your husband.

Stemar, (Downunder)

please someone listen to me I am so worried

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please someone listen to me I am so worried

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