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Possible paranoia?

R

Rjtaylor3

Member
Messages
5
Type of diabetes
Family member
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Hi All, I am writing this as I don"t know where to turn and is abit long winded so I apologise.
My mum has recently had 2 mini strokes, high blood pressure (which does seem to be now under control and has gone down) and diabetes (managed with metformin tablets)
We live in a set of flats so we have a downstais neighbour. My mum the past few months believes that she can hear neighbours talking which she has never complained about before.
She believes the flat below is messing with her head and even last night turned around and said she got woken up in the early hours by then saying "lets mess with her head". She believes our flat is 'noisy' and louder than normal when its the same as it has been the last 13 years there's no difference in noise levels. This wasn't mentioned for a while but has started up again recently.

She is going out all the time when I am in work as she says she doesn"t hear anything but as soon as she comes in get the same coversation again as has been going on for months that they are all talking about her. At several points over the past few weeks she has even thought they have hacked her phone to read her text messages.

The flat below us has always been noisy with slamming windows and doors which I hear also. She also thinks they are recording us to try get us evicted (bear in my mind my neighbour below still bangs along walls and thuds so I dont think she is recording as that is all it will pick up herself. If was going to record a neighbour she would have to be quiet herself, which she isnt). The slamming and banging from below has been an issue since lockdown in 2020 but the voices has only been within past few months.

Also a few months ago she believes next door was following her when she went out and getting other people to follow her like when she went shopping or hospital or doctors appointments. This she hasn"t mentioned again in a while now.

When I mentioned other people have experienced the same online she basically said "if you don"t believe me, I dont want to hear it" and to "not go there". I just dont know if its more serious than just from the health issues and once it is all under control she will be fine or if its something else. I just dont know what to do and cant say anything or she flips if its not what she wants to hear.

All this eased up for abit and then recently she has gone back to a few months ago on her thoughts. It might not be diabetic related but the symptoms of parabois only came around after the stroke/diabetes. She seems to have an obsession that all the neighbour has to do is talk about her and to make threats and have a go at her, when really why would she even care about her.
 
Try to contact your mother's GP, and tell the GP what you have written in your message. If the GP has diagnosed your mother's mental health problems, then she would be on medication for it. Perhaps she is on medication, but is not taking it? She may have a metal health nurse that she ought to see. The GP surgery would be a starting point. Good luck.
 
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Hi @Rjtaylor3 & welcome to the forum.

Sorry you are going through this with your mum, it must be very worrying for you and exhausting for the both of you. Forum rules mean we can’t give medical advice or diagnosis, has your mum seen anyone about this or is her doctor aware of what’s happening?

No one here can say or know whether it’s related to the diabetes or the mini strokes she’s had but as you say it’s been going on a while it may be best to talk to a professional about it. Can you have a chat to her GP with your concerns? I know they can’t say much because of patient confidentiality etc but I found talking to my dads GP when I first thought he had the beginnings of dementia very helpful as they can talk to you and advise you in general terms what to do next or where to go for advice.

Your own GP if different from your mums can also be a good starting point as they can be a support for you yourself.

It can be all the more difficult accessing help when the person you are worried about is so resistant and maybe even in denial. Your mum believes what is happening is real and to her it probably is. I used to find with my dad & with my son who has autism that if I validated those feeling rather than disagree with them it made talking to them a bit easier - so for example I would say “I’m sure all this is upsetting you and it’s hard maybe if we talk to someone about it they can help” rather than telling them it’s not real and you don’t believe it’s true and it’s all in their head etc

I hope you can get the help you need for your mum & yourself
 
ElenaP said:
Try to contact your mother's GP, and tell the GP what you have written in your message. If the GP has diagnosed your mother's mental health problems, then she would be on medication for it. Perhaps she is on medication, but is not taking it? She may have a metal health nurse that she ought to see. The GP surgery would be a starting point. Good luck.
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Shes never been diagnosed with mental health issues and she wont go GP over it. All the meds she has for blood pressure and diabetes she does take so its not that.
 
lovinglife said:
Hi @Rjtaylor3 & welcome to the forum.

Sorry you are going through this with your mum, it must be very worrying for you and exhausting for the both of you. Forum rules mean we can’t give medical advice or diagnosis, has your mum seen anyone about this or is her doctor aware of what’s happening?

No one here can say or know whether it’s related to the diabetes or the mini strokes she’s had but as you say it’s been going on a while it may be best to talk to a professional about it. Can you have a chat to her GP with your concerns? I know they can’t say much because of patient confidentiality etc but I found talking to my dads GP when I first thought he had the beginnings of dementia very helpful as they can talk to you and advise you in general terms what to do next or where to go for advice.

Your own GP if different from your mums can also be a good starting point as they can be a support for you yourself.

It can be all the more difficult accessing help when the person you are worried about is so resistant and maybe even in denial. Your mum believes what is happening is real and to her it probably is. I used to find with my dad & with my son who has autism that if I validated those feeling rather than disagree with them it made talking to them a bit easier - so for example I would say “I’m sure all this is upsetting you and it’s hard maybe if we talk to someone about it they can help” rather than telling them it’s not real and you don’t believe it’s true and it’s all in their head etc

I hope you can get the help you need for your mum & yourself
Click to expand...
No she wont see anyone over it as to her she believes all the neighbours lives revolve around her and messing with her head and to make her life a misery. Its more fact im in work in the day so cant get to speak to a gp anyway.

It comes and goes so its not consistant in the mentioning it, had a couple weeks where it wasnt mentioned and thought she was getting there but then all of a sudden this week its back with it and saying it. Im basically working to pay for her to go out 5 days a week, might as well give her my wage at this point to avoid it but then she thinks next door is following her when she does go out. So either way shes paranoid over it.
 
Hi, @Rjtaylor3

Welcome to the forum.

I’ve had some experience with one parent that had vascular dementia & the remaining parent with Alzheimer’s.
My mum can see things that are not there. But I can belay any concern by lifting a massive cushion off the seat when she points, suggesting “oh yeah. It does look like someone..”

Your mum should get referred by the GP to a “memory clinic” which is how my mum got diagnosed. (Not sure what they are called now.) she needs someone who knows her very well to accompany.

Another thing you could do is ask the people your mum comes into contact with on her walks out maybe a shop assistant that knows her & ask if there has been anything out of character? Maybe the receptionist at the GP??

I know many years ago my grandfather used to go down the local pub, buy a pint then disappear leaving it after a couple of hours he came back they either put it aside or replace it if he came back. Which is what we were told by the regulars that knew us..

Best wishes to you & your mum.
 
Rjtaylor3 said:
Hi All, I am writing this as I don"t know where to turn and is abit long winded so I apologise.
My mum has recently had 2 mini strokes, high blood pressure (which does seem to be now under control and has gone down) and diabetes (managed with metformin tablets)
We live in a set of flats so we have a downstais neighbour. My mum the past few months believes that she can hear neighbours talking which she has never complained about before.
She believes the flat below is messing with her head and even last night turned around and said she got woken up in the early hours by then saying "lets mess with her head". She believes our flat is 'noisy' and louder than normal when its the same as it has been the last 13 years there's no difference in noise levels. This wasn't mentioned for a while but has started up again recently.

She is going out all the time when I am in work as she says she doesn"t hear anything but as soon as she comes in get the same coversation again as has been going on for months that they are all talking about her. At several points over the past few weeks she has even thought they have hacked her phone to read her text messages.

The flat below us has always been noisy with slamming windows and doors which I hear also. She also thinks they are recording us to try get us evicted (bear in my mind my neighbour below still bangs along walls and thuds so I dont think she is recording as that is all it will pick up herself. If was going to record a neighbour she would have to be quiet herself, which she isnt). The slamming and banging from below has been an issue since lockdown in 2020 but the voices has only been within past few months.

Also a few months ago she believes next door was following her when she went out and getting other people to follow her like when she went shopping or hospital or doctors appointments. This she hasn"t mentioned again in a while now.

When I mentioned other people have experienced the same online she basically said "if you don"t believe me, I dont want to hear it" and to "not go there". I just dont know if its more serious than just from the health issues and once it is all under control she will be fine or if its something else. I just dont know what to do and cant say anything or she flips if its not what she wants to hear.

All this eased up for abit and then recently she has gone back to a few months ago on her thoughts. It might not be diabetic related but the symptoms of parabois only came around after the stroke/diabetes. She seems to have an obsession that all the neighbour has to do is talk about her and to make threats and have a go at her, when really why would she even care about her.
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After severe oxygen deprivation, my mum became extremely paranoid. Seeing and hearing things, convinced it was real. (Including some rather bad things about me; you'd think I was a stranger to her.) Much the same as happened with my grandparents after mini-strokes. So it might not be so much a mental health issue, more a slight brain damage. You said she got better for a bit, then got worse again? Could she have had another TIA she's recovering from?

If the GP doesn't know, they can't set the wheels for help in motion. (My grandmother was picked up a few days a week to spend time at a farm where she was in care during the day. She was blissfully happy there and didn't realise she wasn't "helping the farmer", but they were helping her. Dunno if there's something like that available where you are?). Might not be able to get the GP involved by phone or in person, but a letter? E-mail? They do need to know what's going on, so you know what your options are. If the situation is untenable, you shouldn't have to face it alone. And if care isn't an option, maybe medications can be looked at... Maybe she needs a smidge (more) of this or that, to help with the paranoia or to avoid more TIA's. You won't know until you ask. Hang in there, eh...

Hugs,
Jo
 
JoKalsbeek said:
After severe oxygen deprivation, my mum became extremely paranoid. Seeing and hearing things, convinced it was real. (Including some rather bad things about me; you'd think I was a stranger to her.) Much the same as happened with my grandparents after mini-strokes. So it might not be so much a mental health issue, more a slight brain damage. You said she got better for a bit, then got worse again? Could she have had another TIA she's recovering from?

If the GP doesn't know, they can't set the wheels for help in motion. (My grandmother was picked up a few days a week to spend time at a farm where she was in care during the day. She was blissfully happy there and didn't realise she wasn't "helping the farmer", but they were helping her. Dunno if there's something like that available where you are?). Might not be able to get the GP involved by phone or in person, but a letter? E-mail? They do need to know what's going on, so you know what your options are. If the situation is untenable, you shouldn't have to face it alone. And if care isn't an option, maybe medications can be looked at... Maybe she needs a smidge (more) of this or that, to help with the paranoia or to avoid more TIA's. You won't know until you ask. Hang in there, eh...

Hugs,
Jo
Click to expand...
She thinks the ground floor flat on the other side can hear any noise and talking in our flat and know everything about her when really they dont know anything. We are an upstairs flat at the end, then theres are ground floor neighbour, next upstairs flat stairs and then the end ground floor flat.

I dont know if it was another TIA or meds in general shes taking aint working proper. But she is convinced the 2 flats are that obsessed with her and what shes doing, saying and in general her life.
 
Jaylee said:
Hi, @Rjtaylor3

Welcome to the forum.

I’ve had some experience with one parent that had vascular dementia & the remaining parent with Alzheimer’s.
My mum can see things that are not there. But I can belay any concern by lifting a massive cushion off the seat when she points, suggesting “oh yeah. It does look like someone..”

Your mum should get referred by the GP to a “memory clinic” which is how my mum got diagnosed. (Not sure what they are called now.) she needs someone who knows her very well to accompany.

Another thing you could do is ask the people your mum comes into contact with on her walks out maybe a shop assistant that knows her & ask if there has been anything out of character? Maybe the receptionist at the GP??

I know many years ago my grandfather used to go down the local pub, buy a pint then disappear leaving it after a couple of hours he came back they either put it aside or replace it if he came back. Which is what we were told by the regulars that knew us..

Best wishes to you & your mum.
Click to expand...
I dont know who she sees when shes out, im not there as im in work.
 
Rjtaylor3 said:
I dont know who she sees when shes out, im not there as im in work.
Click to expand...
I understand,

I know with my mum when she was still independent I was taking 30 (total) mile round trips added to my journey to work before & after shifts.
I was starting to notice “things” but occasionally one of her friends would drop in & express concern?

My mum is still a social person..

Holding down work commitments can be pressure in itself.
I had a colleague who would often get calls because his mum was found by locals wandering confused on the lanes.. (rural area.)
I used to cover his back as he dealt with it.
 
Dealing with the impaired mental state of a loved one can be very hard. While I appreciate that she doesn't think there is anything wrong with her and doesn't want to see a GP, they are really the only one who can give her and you a diagnosis. (If it's any consolation, my father's mental state was quite poor 15 years ago when he had a series of mini strokes, but after he was put on blood thinners and stopped getting them he recovered completely. )

Your surgery will be very used to getting calls from concerned relatives. While we can give you some emotional support here we can't diagnose your mother's issues and I suggest you contact your/her medical team.
 
Rjtaylor3 said:
She thinks the ground floor flat on the other side can hear any noise and talking in our flat and know everything about her when really they dont know anything. We are an upstairs flat at the end, then theres are ground floor neighbour, next upstairs flat stairs and then the end ground floor flat.

I dont know if it was another TIA or meds in general shes taking aint working proper. But she is convinced the 2 flats are that obsessed with her and what shes doing, saying and in general her life.
Click to expand...
Yeah... That sounds very familiar... To her, it is absolutely, 100% real, and not something she'll seek help for herself, as in her experience, the problem isn't in her mind/brain, it's with other people being unreasonable, creepy ***** It really is time to call in the cavalry. As Elly said, if it is due to a series of mini-strokes/TIA's, there might be a way back from this, but new ones, if those are an issue, need to be prevented. Otherwise it's one step forward, two steps back. And more heartache for you, as it is so very difficult to watch happening.

Hugs,
Jo


Edited by mods to remove profanity
 
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