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Pro pilot jokes.

Discussion in 'Jokes and Humour' started by Tipetoo, Apr 2, 2020.

  1. Tipetoo

    Tipetoo Type 2 · Expert

    Messages:
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    Breaking news: John Travolta hospitalised for suspected Corona Virus, but tests show it was only Saturday night fever.
    Good to hear that he's staying alive
    ---
    Went to the supermarket this morning and watched a guy purchase a piñata, some paella and a sombrero.
    I thought to myself... Hispanic buying.

    ---

    Some idiot at the supermarket today started throwing butter, cheese, yogurt and milk at me in the aisle.
    I thought 'how dairy".

    ---

    Texan walks into a pub in Ireland..
    Says " I hear yall can drink...I got $500 Dollars says you cant drink 10 Guiness in a row..."

    Silence, and then one Irishman leaves the pub.
    10 minutes later, the Irishman comes back, and says its the bet still on?

    Texan says hell yes

    Irishman proceeds to drink 10 Guiness in a row, and collects his $500.

    Texan says, If you dont mind me asking, where did you go for 10 minutes?

    Well, I went to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first...

    ---

    All things bright and beautiful,
    All creatures great and small,
    All things wise and wonderful,
    The Chinese eat them all.

    ---

    Hey diddle diddle,
    I just had a piddle,
    and didn't wash my hands.
    There's no toilet rolls
    In Woolworths or Coles,
    And I can't think of a last line about Coronavirus that rhymes with "hands" so I'll let you just make one up.

    ---

    A sharp decline in the number of mating owls has been blamed on the exceptionally wet winter.

    Experts on the subject say it was just too wet to woo!

    ---

    As the schools have closed down, we've started home schooling. So far, we've had two students suspended for fighting, and a
    teacher fired for drinking on the job.

    ---

    A medical fetish site says it has donated its entire stock of disposable scrubs to an NHS hospital that was “desperate” for supplies.

    In a thread posted on Twitter, MedFetUK wrote:

    We have been contacted this week by representatives of NHS procurement all over the country, trying to source basic protective equipment and clothing.

    When we, a tiny company set up to serve a small section of the kink community, find ourselves being sought out as a last-resort supplier to our National Health Service in a time of crisis, something is seriously wrong. In fact, it’s scandalous.

    ---

    Nail salons, barbershops, hair salons, waxing centers and tanning places are closed.

    It’s about to get ugly out there.
     
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