Relationship issues

[Shah1985]

Hi. I hope I have come to the right area of the forum, but I am seeking advice.

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 10 months.

We are both 40 years old and I was aware she had diabetes type 1 insulin dependant when we started dating 9 months ago.

The first 5 months were great and her diabetes never effected us.

However recently over past 2-3 months our relationship has gone downhill.

For some reason we argue a lot and this always raises her stress which doesn't help her diabetes.

I feel I can never say anything right because she always blames her diabetes bidway through an argument.

I would like to hear some views from other diabetics on how it effects your relationship.

I try and be helpful when I see she is suffering, but there is nothing I feel I can do right. She doesn't really explain to me how she feels when her blood sugar is high/low.

What are your experiences with your partner during an argument? Is there anything I can do to try and understand?

 

[donnellysdogs]

Sit down at a table and talk to her about it... Not on a sofa or comfy chairs. By talking over a formal table setting it takes emotions out of an argument. Especially uf you can agree beforehand that nobody gets up from the table until the conversation has stopped.

Me personally, have never mentioned my levels being higher or lower as any causation to my thinking ability. Thats me though. My hubby knows when my levels are lowering or raising which helps. He doesn't say "test your blood" anymore which he used to years ago.. Because it would upset me as 99% of time they were perfect and HE blamed my diabetes instead of listening to me-lol).

It maybe that your partner is swinging from highs to lows with her levels and this can affect the brains abilitys.

The other thing is, to consider.... In a relationship quite often one person is the "food provider". Sometimes non diabetics do not really fully understand just what a healthy meal and snacks are for a diabetic.... And this can impact on the partner if the main food provider is a non diabetic...
Not saying that this is the case with your relationship.... But it was with mine 20years ago when I met my hubby. He the non diabetic and didn't really understand the way I ate..
I see it in other relationships, where friends have got together as couples.. He loves cooking and eating and suddenly she has gone from a 10 to a size 18... Because she has turned her food portions and eating to her now hubbys..... This isn't a one off I've seen like this.
My hubby left me to my own eating plans and continued his. I stayed size 10ish, his weight continued to balloon. 20years on, he now eats the same portions as me and has llost 4stone. So I guess in the end I have become the main food provider...

So, trying to control diabetes and have a new love in her life can be difficult.

It really is hard for a new partner initially. Hard to say without knowing your partner and whats happening with her blood levels etc... Stress can raise levels too, but at end of day whats causing the arguments in the first place? I think thats the first thing to realise...

 

[soppyone]

Hi. I hope I have come to the right area of the forum, but I am seeking advice.

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 10 months.

We are both 40 years old and I was aware she had diabetes type 1 insulin dependant when we started dating 9 months ago.

The first 5 months were great and her diabetes never effected us.

However recently over past 2-3 months our relationship has gone downhill.

For some reason we argue a lot and this always raises her stress which doesn't help her diabetes.

I feel I can never say anything right because she always blames her diabetes bidway through an argument.

I would like to hear some views from other diabetics on how it effects your relationship.

I try and be helpful when I see she is suffering, but there is nothing I feel I can do right. She doesn't really explain to me how she feels when her blood sugar is high/low.

What are your experiences with your partner during an argument? Is there anything I can do to try and understand?

Hi. I hope I have come to the right area of the forum, but I am seeking advice.

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 10 months.

We are both 40 years old and I was aware she had diabetes type 1 insulin dependant when we started dating 9 months ago.

The first 5 months were great and her diabetes never effected us.

However recently over past 2-3 months our relationship has gone downhill.

For some reason we argue a lot and this always raises her stress which doesn't help her diabetes.

I feel I can never say anything right because she always blames her diabetes bidway through an argument.

I would like to hear some views from other diabetics on how it effects your relationship.

I try and be helpful when I see she is suffering, but there is nothing I feel I can do right. She doesn't really explain to me how she feels when her blood sugar is high/low.

What are your experiences with your partner during an argument? Is there anything I can do to try and understand?

hi Shah

I wonder if your partner is using diabetes as a reason for you two to stop arguing? It sounds as if mentioning diabetes sidetracks you from the issues at hand. I have some general suggestions on arguing which might help?

First of all, the sitting down at a table is a good idea. Sounds stupid but writing down the subject and suggestions on how to solve it gives a starting point

Second, think about exactly what the discussion is going to be about and stick to that issue only. If you can agree on the solution to one problem at a time, then move onto another on another day it is easier to deal with things. Keep going back to the original subject until it is agreed on. Be prepared to compromise. Try asking your partner to help you find a way round the problem. If you really want to be together, you can both settle most things on a middle ground.

Third, one of the things that works best is replacing "you are/you have/I want" etc with "I feel". eg replace "i want us to go out, why are you stopping us" which is accusing and argumentative, with "I like to go out, I feel going out will give us a change of scenery, we could go for a walk i if you cannot go for a drink/visit my friends/whatever" This works in two ways. First, your partner cannot disagree with a statement regarding how you feel. It is just how you feel. Second, if you always have to reformat what you say, it makes you stop and really think about what it is you really want.

i know this is nothing to do with diabetes, but hopefully there will be something that helps.

 

[noblehead]

As harsh as this may sound but relationships don't always work and your partner may just be using her diabetes as an excuse, as you say for the first 5 months her diabetes was never an issue yet in recent months it is, unless her diabetes control has taken a nose dive then there maybe other reasons.

I would sit down together and try and work things out, yes high & low's can effect mood levels but depending on what your arguments are about it shouldn't be used as an excuse for starting arguments, if she is struggling with her control then she should seek help from her HCP's or get her to join this forum and we will try and help as best as we can.

Good luck and hope you both work things out.

 

[Daibell]

Difficult. My mood doesn't change at all unless my sugars go into the hyper or hypo region. I think many people aren't affected by reasonable blood sugar swings which is why there are so many T2s wandering around without knowing. So, it sounds like a bit of an excuse to me with other problems being the real reason. I would follow the advice of other posters and see if you can draw-out what the real problem is