Hi Mel. You do good work on here and you are an inspiration to me because you do low carb and get great results.
My own retinopathy probably occurred post pregnancy because of rapid changes in my HbA1c. Like you I wasn't warned and because I was terrified of damaging my baby and then was so stressed by mothering a premie baby that I neglected my diabetes.
Fast forward to treatment which I understand, generally works so is worth seeing if you can get through it. It is not painful but is a little stingy. Someone will put drops in your eyes to dilate them. You will sit opposite the technician looking into the same kind of thing you looked into when you got your eyes tested, for the technician to zap the bleeders with the laser. So nobody is poking anything directly into your eyes and a standard painkiller will help you get through it. Perhaps you can get some anti anxiety meds just for that first trip or go with a hand holder? (the person who will need to drive you home afterwards).
Re your bricking it, that's okay as long as you don't take too much notice of those thoughts. They are just that and aren't always rational as you seem to be aware.
Mel, you have to do so many hard things in 1 day just being type 1 so that tells me you will get through this and as others have pointed out things are likely to stabilise from here with your fab control.