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Shopping with the wife

Pilgrim22

Well-Known Member
Messages
592
Type of diabetes
LADA
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
animal cruelty
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Sainsbury's
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -
she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
Sainsbury's...
Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to
ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband,
Mr. Harris, are listed below and are "documented by our video
surveillance cameras":

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her
Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing
management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
Maltesers.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the
fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in
here.'
One of the Staff passed out.



Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
 
OMG - they are BRILLIANT :clap:

Laughed till almost cried ... :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
another12 said:
nearly pd myself laffin...smashing :lol:

Couldn't have put it better myself. :lol:

willie.
 
May have posted this before,

*A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a Gorgeous
redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he
sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.**

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket
towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and
handed it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in
place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the
theatre followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her
deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.

After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her
place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful,
wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy
was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every
guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. ... ...*

*'You just happened to catch my eye.'**
**
**(Oh shut up). Drum roll
 
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