Feeling pretty useless as after over six months am still almost as confused.

Have been posting in what have you eaten today.

Tonight cant be bothered, feel like giving up all efforts to control this pernicious condition. Am trapped into a way of life and thought that I dont want and cannot escape. All day its what to eat? how much of it? In which combination? Was that enough? How long since last meal? My brain aches with the complexity of it.
Is it ok to have a cup of tea? As if a simple pleasure like a cup of tea now has to be rationed, doled out at appropriate times only. Or is a source of guilt. Possibility am not getting enough fluid as a result. How can I live like this for the rest of my life? Have I got to give up bread? museli, pastry, potatoes, pasta, rice, cakes, bicuits, most fruits and some vegetables. Have never dieted. Never needed to. Naturally slim all my life. Did not especially like cooking and now sick of the "home cooked is the only way to go" mantra. Those who spout it have never tasted my cooking! Its ok, but thats all. My lack of interest or enthusiasm shines through. Now am cooking three sometimes four times a day, drives me mad, all that time in the kitchen - and the washing up - never ending. No more onepot rice meals.
Weight at diagnosis (July 2018) was 9st 4lb, 58.9 kg. Now 49.8kg feel as am stuffing myself all day yet still losing weight.
Doctor is not concerned, come back in six months for HbA1c.
Better understanding of how diabetes affects most people but still not sure how to apply it to myself. I NEED to get this sorted, its driving me mad.
Bought a meter and an Ap.
Have been testing and discovered that BG is often highest at one hour after a meal.
Why is two hours the recommended time?
Is a rise of just under two points after two hours mean its an acceptable food/portion, even if at that point the BG is coming down from a four-five point rise?
What is good for breakfast ? Something that isn't cooking.
Nearly all the advice is cut carbs and lose weight. Well, have done that, even though it wasn't intentional. My new nickname is BonyBird.
How do people stop losing weight once they get to target?
Dinner at parents house. Mother is type2, yet still has meringue roulade as the pudding. It had been a favourite of mine, I gave in. Am sure thats why it was there. They think I am too thin - am begining to feel that myself.
Today too stressed and depressed to eat at for hours. Then its reversal, full on Stuff it am going to have that Pain au Raisin, glass of wine and Creme Caramel.

40g carbs in that tiny little pot

Umm maybe not...

Rationality returns. If not good humour

Glass of wine instead.
Sorry for whngefest peeps, its feeling really tough and the hard stuff hasn't even happened yet. Thats all to come in the next few weeks.