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Still finding this so difficult

M

Maggie75

Well-Known Member
Hello everyone,

Just an update on what has been going on, I cannot thank everyone enough for the replies, advice and encouragement I received when I posted on here last month. It has been so difficult trying to get through this, I actually ended up seeing an NHS psychiatrist due to one of the CPN's being so good with me and also being extremely concerned that I was not getting through this without help. Psychiatrist was very good, thankfully. I have now been diagnosed with complex PTSD, no treatment plan in place yet, not due to see him again for several weeks when we will discuss further treatment, although for this condition there is no 'magic pill', no medication for it really apart from the meds I'm already on for severe depression and anxiety.
He has said talking therapy usually is the way they will go to unpick all the abuse from childhood and adulthood which has led to this condition but again, a waiting game for psychological therapies.
Thankfully the vermin situation seems to have settled down but I am still terrified in this house, just waiting for it to happen again. One of the more common symptoms of complex PTSD is hyper-vigilance and I can certainly attest to that, my mind is on constant high alert and it's exhausting. The suicidal feelings I was feeling at the time have passed but what scares me now is how quickly they can come back and how strong they are, I'm trying to tell myself that when this happens it is temporary and try to ride it out as best I can.
My eating has been horrendous, the psychiatrist himself called it almost a form of self harm as I am aware of the damage I am doing because of the diabetes, it is a form of slow suicide in it's own way, I have a GP appt on Wednesday as my knees are now in agony, no idea what is going on with this new pain in addition to my back. I will have to speak to her about something I can do to stop myself eating this way, considered trying Mounjaro even if I had to pay privately but it terrifies me (how ironic for the suicidally depressed person,eh?). I wish I could be stronger. Thank you all again for listening.

Maggie
 
Hi Maggie.

I have C-PTSD as well which interacts hellishly with my diabetes. Feel free to DM me, I can offer support and understanding and what I learned on my own healing journey.
 
Hi @Maggie75

Thanks for the update, I’m glad you are beginning to get the help you need, a diagnosis of PTSD is such a specialist thing, my son has PTSD and the best thing for him has been the intense treatment plan he had. It never goes away but it can become manageable and getting that diagnosis actually goes a long way to that goal. Yes I recognise the hyper vigilance in him that you are experiencing too. I’m relieved to hear your suicidal thoughts have passed, that’s good and that you are managing to have some coping mechanisms in place should they return.

It’s never easy, any of this but even being just that little bit better than you were a few weeks ago and hopefully getting the help you need I can see a difference in your mood & approach. I’m hoping with true sincerity that continues for you & things continue to improve :)
 
I have no expertise with PTSD although I'm pretty sure one of my grandfathers had it after his WW2 experience in Burma.

Hang in there, things can and will get better and in the meantime lots of us are thinking of you and willing to chat or just read anything you feel like posting.
 
Maggie75 said:
The suicidal feelings I was feeling at the time have passed but what scares me now is how quickly they can come back and how strong they are, I'm trying to tell myself that when this happens it is temporary and try to ride it out as best I can.
Click to expand...
This is how I've dealt with very strong depressed and sometimes suicidal feelings for years. For me it was a very good approach.

Wish you all the best once again!
 
Well done , @Maggie75 , for seeking the help you need.
Hopefully, during your wait for therapy, you will have contact details for the CPN should you need more urgent support?

Engaging with a therapist can be hard work, but in my own experience of PTSD , and compassion therapy, it was well worth the effort. Trusting another individual, and being open and honest with her, was a huge and risky effort. As so many people I had trusted had let me down , badly, in the past. She taught me how to be my own therapist. We all have all the necessary ‘ingredients’ we just need assistance to follow the steps in the recipe.

Wishing you success.
 
debs248 said:
I have no expertise with PTSD although I'm pretty sure one of my grandfathers had it after his WW2 experience in Burma.

Hang in there, things can and will get better and in the meantime lots of us are thinking of you and willing to chat or just read anything you feel like posting.
Click to expand...
my dad was in Burma during WWII. He was a chindit.
My mum said he was never the same after coming home. And wouldn't talk about it to anyone.
he suffered with low blood pressure and the malaria episodes was with him continuously.
 
Thank you all so much for your replies and support, it means so much. It is a relief in a way to finally have a diagnosis, I just wish there was more I could do for this condition. Mentat, I will definitely DM you for some more advice if that's ok.
My Dad was also in the navy and fought in the Korean war and I just recently found out my Grandad fought in WW1 and received a medal for bravery. That kind of made me wonder where it all went wrong with me but as my counsellor pointed out a couple of weeks ago I've fought my own hellish war with my own mind for many, many years and I still am, so maybe I am stronger than I give myself credit for.
At this point I need to try the best I can to keep going, even if it is one day at a time and find some way to get back on track with my diabetes, I can feel it starting to take it's toll on me now. Thanks again.

Maggie
 
I should have added that I have three sets of counselling.
The first after a breakdown during covid.
I needed more afterwards.
Then the third a couple of years ago. For a very different reason.
But it did really help.
Talking therapies is very confidential.
My last two were with Mind UK.
 
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