Struggling T1

[caarlyx]

Hi there,

I'm new to the site, but have been a diabetic for nearly 22 years now (diagnosed at 2 years old). I don't know any other diabetics and am looking for some support and friendship through this rough patch in my life.

Hope to hear from you. I'd love to chat.

Thanks,
Carly

 

[TorqPenderloin]

It's a funny thing, your early 20s are some of the hardest years of your life, yet looking back most of us wish we could be that age again. I say that only so you know that things do get better.

Feel free to share what else is on your mind and ask questions. We're all here to help one another in any way you can.

 

[caarlyx]

It's a funny thing, your early 20s are some of the hardest years of your life, yet looking back most of us wish we could be that age again. I say that only so you know that things do get better.

Feel free to share what else is on your mind and ask questions. We're all here to help one another in any way you can.

I've heard many times that people say that - but thank you for bringing it to light.

Honestly, to get personal, I don't feel like these are the hardest years of my life - I have no debt, a well(ish) paying job, a loving boyfriend and an amazing family who is there for me (when I tell them what's going on). I just can't seem to get myself out of a (very) long funk of not testing and therefore not treating sugars correctly, and it's really hitting me hard because I feel like the work I do gets me to the same spot I was in when I wasn't taking care.

 

[TorqPenderloin]

I just can't seem to get myself out of a (very) long funk of not testing and therefore not treating sugars correctly, and it's really hitting me hard because I feel like the work I do gets me to the same spot I was in when I wasn't taking care.

This may sound like a silly question, but do you have any idea what causes you to feel that way? Do you just get busy with life and forget? Is it denial? "I'll do it later?" "It's probably high and if I check, that will confirm it."

I realize that's also a very tough question to answer, but if you can figure out why you're behaving this way, that's half of the battle.

Our brains can be a pain in the a** sometimes and we trick ourselves to a point where a small problem balloons into a much larger one. For example, a lot of overweight people are afraid to step on a scale. Deep down, they know they're overweight, but if they don't know how much they way, they technically can't say they've gained weight. The reality is, the scale doesn't change anything aside from how our brains perceive the situation.

I'm going off on a tangent a bit, but hopefully you see what I'm getting at: trying to figure out why you're feeling this way.

 

[caarlyx]

This may sound like a silly question, but do you have any idea what causes you to feel that way? Do you just get busy with life and forget? Is it denial? "I'll do it later?" "It's probably high and if I check, that will confirm it."

What you've said makes 100% sense, and I can say that yeah I used to avoid testing because it would confirm the fear that I wasn't doing a good enough job. Now I think I just don't think about it when it comes time to take action because I spent so long in fear that I just don't have to think about it.

For me, half the battle is that my DTeam changed the rates on my pump (basal rates were too high so I wouldn't spike.. I'm very sneaky), so when I do test and I know I've done everything correct and my sugars still end up high, I feel like a failure because I've done everything. I have been high all day today and bolused many times to correct, but keep coming back high and correcting with having little-no food, and it's extremely discouraging (this isn't the first day this has happened in the last couple days).

 

[noblehead]

Welcome to the forum @caarlyx

For me, half the battle is that my DTeam changed the rates on my pump (basal rates were too high so I wouldn't spike.. I'm very sneaky), so when I do test and I know I've done everything correct and my sugars still end up high, I feel like a failure because I've done everything. I have been high all day today and bolused many times to correct, but keep coming back high and correcting with having little-no food, and it's extremely discouraging (this isn't the first day this has happened in the last couple days).

You don't need to up your basal rates to avoid a spike, if your bg is spiking after a meal then you need to look at your bolus timing, if your experiencing a delayed postprandial spike for difficult meals (like those that are high in fat) then you need to consider your pump bolusing options such as a dual-wave & extended bolus.

Just go back to the basics and start with some basal testing, but just remember when you do a basal test you should abstain from food during that testing period, the following has a good explanation on how to basal test in different time frames:

http://www.salforddiabetescare.co.uk/index2.php?nav_id=1007

 

[caarlyx]

Welcome to the forum @caarlyx
You don't need to up your basal rates to avoid a spike, if your bg is spiking after a meal then you need to look at your bolus timing, if your experiencing a delayed postprandial spike for difficult meals (like those that are high in fat) then you need to consider your pump bolusing options such as a dual-wave & extended bolus.

Thank you noblehead, I haven't done a basal test since I was put on the pump nearly 10 years ago. What I meant when they changed my basal rates is that I was using a higher than normal basal rate to counteract the fact that I wasn't testing and bolusing for carbs only, not blood sugar. It was a sneaky move on my part to keep the care to a minimal while I was off in college, but obviously not ideal for real life and (over the next few years, hopefully) potential to get pregnant.

 

[TorqPenderloin]

What you've said makes 100% sense, and I can say that yeah I used to avoid testing because it would confirm the fear that I wasn't doing a good enough job. Now I think I just don't think about it when it comes time to take action because I spent so long in fear that I just don't have to think about it.

For me, half the battle is that my DTeam changed the rates on my pump (basal rates were too high so I wouldn't spike.. I'm very sneaky), so when I do test and I know I've done everything correct and my sugars still end up high, I feel like a failure because I've done everything. I have been high all day today and bolused many times to correct, but keep coming back high and correcting with having little-no food, and it's extremely discouraging (this isn't the first day this has happened in the last couple days).

It sounds like you're dealing with a combination of problems. The technical issues like insulin management are the easy ones (relatively speaking, lol). I say it's easy because it's essentially a math problem which means that it can be solved and there is a correct answer.

The psychological barriers are so much tougher because we all think differently and often times the "Problem" changes....you finally solve one thing and then have to deal with another.

If it were me, I'd try to address one thing at a time. Personally, I'd focus on the testing first and try to make that a habit again, but try not to overwhelm yourself and attempt to fix too many things all at once.

"It's probably going to be high, but I can't fix it unless I know what it is." Try to remind yourself of that the next time you test. Accept the fact that the meter isn't going to make your levels any better or worse. It's going to be the same whether you know it or not.

You may also consider setting a specific number of times to test that day. If you normally test once a day, set a goal to test three times. That helps a lot in feeling accomplished and it provides accountability.

Just a few thoughts of what I might try if I were in your shoes. Good luck!

 

[noblehead]

Thank you noblehead, I haven't done a basal test since I was put on the pump nearly 10 years ago. What I meant when they changed my basal rates is that I was using a higher than normal basal rate to counteract the fact that I wasn't testing and bolusing for carbs only, not blood sugar. It was a sneaky move on my part to keep the care to a minimal while I was off in college, but obviously not ideal for real life and (over the next few years, hopefully) potential to get pregnant.

Just go back to the basic @caarlyx, getting the basal rate right is the foundation of good control, once you get that right you can then start to look at insulin-to-carb ratio's and correction doses, but to achieve all this you must test your bg regularly.

A great book and one which comes highly recommended amongst the pump users of the forum is Pumping Insulin by John Walsh & Ruth Roberts, I read this prior to starting on a pump and have referred back to it many times since, but if you want to have a quick read on why getting the basal dose right is important have a look at the following:

http://integrateddiabetes.com/basal-testing/

 

[Daibell]

Hi. I'm not a pump user so my comments may not be very relevant, but I concur with the others that geeting the Basal right is so important. I'm glad I don't split my Basal like most do as it makes it easier to get it right even though it's Levemir and only lasts 12-18 hours. I take account of that with Bolus ratios. So, I think my Basal is well-balanced which makes my Bolusing quite easy. I just Bolus for carbs which you imply might be the wrong approach but I think it's the right approach. If your Basal is right and you guess the carbs fairly well then your blood sugar will tend to be sensibly OK much of the time. I don't often do corrections and don't even test that often now I know my Basal is good and my Bolus ratios are roughly right. Now that's me and perhaps just me. I'm lucky but I put a lot of that down to getting the Basal right (and not complicating things by splitting it). Obviously a pump is quite different.