Targets for readings 10-12? Im getting so depressed

A

Aoife

Member
Messages
24
Hi guys

I'd be very grateful if I could get some opinions? I've had diabetes for thirteen years.

For the first four or five years I had what was called very good control, as a child- about 7 or 7.5 with hardly any lows or highs. Then for about five or six years, I'd say I had very poor control, as a teenager, til I was about 21-all readings in double figures.

HbA1c for last year or so have been 8, 7 and 8. Daily readings varying from 5 to 16, hardly any hypos- far from perfect but compared to how I was before, I thought I was doing vastly better.

Anyway, I'm doing a Carbohydrate Counting course and my team have adjusted my targets from 8.5 to between 10 and 12. They've said my hbA1c will probably be really high again, but not to worry about that as getting rid of the swings will be really beneficial and once I have stability I can work on bringing it down.

Which is fair enough, thats fine...but it seems like all the work I've been doing for two years has f*cked me up more, by having those swings- I should have stayed at 18 constantly instead! Every sodding day I discover some other bloody mistake I've made. Mostly through lack of knowledge- nobody ever told me those swings were MUCH more dangerous than being fairly high constantly. And I've been going to all my clinics and really bloody trying for two years :cry: :cry: :cry:

I cannot cope with this anymore...even when I try to be responsible I still f**k it up. Ive probably totally destroyed my eyes now :cry: :cry: :cry:
 
J

janabelle

Well-Known Member
Messages
816
Dislikes
Lack of choice of insulin for newly diagnosed patients.
Dog owners who let their dogs poop in the street-a hazard for most, but worse if you're visually impaired!
Having RP
Hi, sounds like how I used to be-are you on Lantus?
Jus
 
J

janabelle

Well-Known Member
Messages
816
Dislikes
Lack of choice of insulin for newly diagnosed patients.
Dog owners who let their dogs poop in the street-a hazard for most, but worse if you're visually impaired!
Having RP
Hi, sorry taken so long to reply. I've been fine since I ditched the Lantus and switched to animal insulin. I had no consistency of control on Lantus, up an down like a yoyo from day to day. Could never predict what it would do, and for 4 1/2 years thought it was my fault, and there was something wrong with me. Living with diabetes is never going to be a picnic, nor are we ever going to achieve the blood sugar control of a 'normal' person, but as a pigs pancreas is apparently very close to a human's pancreas, I can understand how my control is better and how I feel so much better. I am no longer an exhausted zombie in constant pain.
I believe that 'insulin' manufacturers are doing their best to find the best synthetic insulins for us, but I think there's a fundamental flaw, it's not insulin. Natural insulin does much more than lower our blood sugar, Real insulin has other effects on the body that synthetic insulin can probably not mimic. My husband's a scientist, and I'll get him to give me full details and I'll post them on this site soon.
Good luck. Feel free to PM me for more info.
Jus
 
F

fairplayuk

Member
Messages
7
Hi,

I am so sorry you feel overwhelmed that your best efforts are not making you feel well. I have been Type 1 for 49 years and was brought up counting carbs. Unfortunately in the 70s, much treatment was based on guilt, control and fear of failure. I am lucky as I have 2 grown up sons who are very well and my physical health is pretty good despite diabetes, and recently under active thyroid... but my mental health has been affected.

I am extremely interested in the emotional impact of diabetes. This is a huge area not yet really understod. It is accepted that diabetes has an impact both emotional and biochemical.

Keep your chin up. Try not to think of success or failure. Variable blood sugar levels may affect your mood for the worse and that may be why you feel as you do.....Or it may be depression. There is a very high correlation of depression with diabetes (about 1/3). It's worth asking your GP. If you feel better you won't feel so down about blood sugar readings which are not in range. It is not your fault!!!..And if you feel well you are more likely to look after yourself.

When I was overwhelmed several years ago I told my consultant I had not done a blood test for 6 months! My A1c was 6.7!!

It really is worth checking for depression as well as focusing on getting help re stabilising BS.
 
A

Aoife

Member
Messages
24
Thank you so much for your replies. They mean a lot to me. Im really interested in the porcine insulin, and my hospital have some patients on it so it may be something I try soon.

I'm not depressed- I've been there done that! When I was depressed I literally didn't give a **** about anything in my future. Now I am aware of how lucky I am regarding my life and the wonderful people in it- close family, diamond friends and engaged to the love of my life- I just panic at the thought of it all being swept away. I'm sure many people on here have had moments like this. On a waiting list to see someone about my anxiety.

Diabetes, for me, gives me an exhaustingly high awareness of mortality. Every blood sugar reading thats not right is a slap in the face. When I DO relax, and feel "normal", every high reading is like a gremlin jeering and taunting, saying "You idiot- you think you can chill out and have a relatively peaceful life? No way! Get ready to be a blind amputee on dialysis! The party's over!" I feel so GUILTY all the time.

God, I sound like a nutter, lol.
 
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