1. Get the Diabetes Forum App for your phone - available on iOS and Android.
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Guest, we'd love to know what you think about the forum! Take the Diabetes Forum Survey 2022 »
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Diabetes Forum should not be used in an emergency and does not replace your healthcare professional relationship. Posts can be seen by the public.
    Dismiss Notice
Dismiss Notice
Find support, ask questions and share your experiences. Join the community »

Terminal and Scared

Discussion in 'Diabetes Complications' started by kman, Nov 1, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. JennaEs

    JennaEs · Newbie

    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    21
    I am so sorry to hear how much you suffer...

    And scared I am because I am not strong enough to be very strict to myself.

    But DO NOT BLAME yourself! There are millions of people in the World who live unhealthy lives and nothing bad happens to them and they will never get diabetes! Simply, some of us are lucky with health and some others are not.

    Mirracles happen! I hope there is one saved for you.
     
  2. kazC

    kazC Type 1 · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    64
    Likes Received:
    121
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Hi Kevin

    unable to PM at the moment - have contacted admin - will reply once sorted.

    Stay strong.

    Karen
     
  3. Andy12345

    Andy12345 Type 2 · Expert

    Messages:
    6,342
    Likes Received:
    8,384
    Trophy Points:
    178

    you just need to post 5 times to use pm feature :)
     
  4. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

    Messages:
    711
    Likes Received:
    1,332
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Folks, I hope you understand my difficulties, and the pain I endure, the reason I say this is that I am so glad this thread is reaching and touching so many of you, and I have much much more to share, much to explain, and a need to give a helping hand to any who want to live with their Diabetes without making my mistakes, and without suffering mine and My families pain,

    Truth is I getting very tired very easily, and My pain levels currently are very very high, so if, as I am now, I fall behind with posts, updates, New stories of my journey, replying to PMs, or replying to your posts, please forgive me,

    I so definitely want to continue this thread for as long as you want to read it, so if you'll PLEASE be patient, and most of all keep posting, keep sending PMs, Please. do. !
     
  5. MrVanilla

    MrVanilla · Member

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Hi Kevin. sorry to hear about your difficulties but would you care to elaborate on the "mistakes" you believe you have made? This is just to echo Mons question earlier who said and i quote "You say you abused your body and not to make the same mistakes as you but can you explain what you mean by this so I understand?" which received no response.
    I guess if people can relate to mistakes you have made then that is more of a driver to concentrate on self well-being (and that includes me, an alcohol addict with diabetes).
    Best Regards
     
  6. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

    Messages:
    711
    Likes Received:
    1,332
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Replies pending folks as soon as I can gather strength, this weekend I am suffering somewhat, please be patient with a weak and sickly man,

    Regards.
     
  7. blothom

    blothom Type 2 · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Hi Kevin, and all of the other people following this thread. I am sure everyone understands and will be as patient as you need. After reading your post, and all the replies, and messages, I have taken a long hard look at my attitudes to diabetes and the problems it has caused me and my family. I have been guilty of wallowing lately, doing the "poor me" routine, and have talked myself into such a deep hole, believing the worst about every symptom and pain, that I really believed I was dying. However, after your telling of life with such a harrowing prognosis, I realise I have much to be thankful, and to fight for.
    I will now fight, and control how diabetes affects me, to the best of my ability. I will live with the pain, and be glad, because it means I am not beaten yet. I will be more thankful for my husband and daughter, who have suffered with me, and been there for me every step of the way. We will take this journey together, and learn lessons that we can pass onto other people, so that they may avoid some of the pitfalls. I will be positive, as I have, hopefully, years ahead of me, and misery will only drag us down.
    Thank you again, Kevin, for your "kick in the butt", it is a lesson well learned, and truly appreciated.
    with love,
    Pat x
     
    • Like Like x 2
  8. MrVanilla

    MrVanilla · Member

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Hi Kevin, got your PM's but couldn't reply, look forward to your public responses. Stay strong.
     
  9. suewho

    suewho Type 2 · Member

    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    22
    Trophy Points:
    43
    My heart goes out to you. You sound so miserable.. and yet you were thinking of others when posting your message, that 's amazing. Close your eyes and imagine the biggest warmest hug you've ever had. Keep some for yourself and pass the rest on to your lovely family. I'm so sorry, its all I've got to offer (I'm a bit new to this myself). Don't know if maybe you can ask to be referred to a specialist pain clinic? Hope someone can help. Don't give up. Thinking of you XXXX
     
  10. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

    Messages:
    711
    Likes Received:
    1,332
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Firstly, to the extremely kind, understanding, and patient amongst you all, I have to thank you for waiting, because as I have mentioned in several of my posts, typing, concentrating, and coping with the pain levels varies as too how much I manage, but it is never less than difficult,

    To Suewho, thank you for your kind and heartfelt post, the HUG was much appreciated, no not miserable, but a little down now and again, and I am currently being seen by a specialist pain clinic, and my Medical Psychology for a program to help cope with day to day living despite the pain, of course these can only help so far, and the pain will ALWAYS be there, sad, but just fact of an illness involving nerves dying,

    To Blothom, I feel so much for you,and I really want to reply in detail, but it requires such a lengthy effort, and finding a period in which I can cope with that is difficult, but please know I will get back to you dear lady,

    To KazC I look forward to your eventual PM or post here, thanks for your support,

    Andy, it has been fantastic to have the support of a man too, I must apologise for not having got back to you, I hope you will continue to help with your posts,

    To Whitbyjet thank you so much for all the love, kindness and support, without you, this thread would have been a single post, it's your support that has made the effort here worthwhile, and the support others appear to be getting possible,

    To the many others thanks for all the HUGS especially, and for the support generally, PLEASE keep reading the thread, please keep your promises, please Stay Well, and don't DIE in the way and the pain that I now have no choice about !

    I Had wanted to post detail of how I managed to be in this state, I had tried to post after over an hour's typing last night, but again I hit the wrong button and lost it all, yes I did swear LOL, so please forgive me if I rest a while, and retype that llater,
     
  11. izzzi

    izzzi Type 2 · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,207
    Likes Received:
    2,400
    Trophy Points:
    178
    Hi Kevin.

    I just want to say thanks. What you have written will never go away.

    It is not the mistakes any more it is the nice things that you have in your heart that you are keeping hold of, which is so important.

    I for one will promise to keep control.

    As you say you have a lovely wife and your son is the apple in both your eyes, "definitely no mistake there".

    Roy.
     
  12. Happy_Horse

    Happy_Horse · Active Member

    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Omg I feel so sorry for you, I've been practically crying whenever I read what's happening to you. I know this is hard but you have to keep your chin up and be proud of what you have managed in life.

    I have learnt from you today how important it is to keep control of diabetes, so thank you so much.

    Keep holding on and I hope you will be ok at this very hard time in your life

    Omg I think I'm going to cry!

    Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  13. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

    Messages:
    711
    Likes Received:
    1,332
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Thank you Roy, it is nice to see another post from you, I think you understand my feelings very well indeed, and also to Happy_Horse Please don't cry, I have sent you a PM,

    Back Soon Folks
     
  14. Mad Dad

    Mad Dad Type 2 · Member

    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    14
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Hi Kevin.
    I first picked up on your posts on the 4th November and I have read them daily since. At times you have brought tears to my eyes with both saddness and laughter. I don't think you're weak or soft. To me and everyone posting on here you are a very brave and thoughtful man. I'm sure there are not many who would think of others during the terrible time you are having. Good on you Kevin.... Your posts have certainly made me think about my lifestyle. I have been diagnosed Type 2 for 6 years but I had the symtoms for 2 years before then. Like you I have taken no notice and lived the life I used to previously. I am at my heaviest ever. I am unfitter than I have ever been. But thanks to your selfless and caring attitude I have started to turn my life around one small step at a time. I have begun walking most evenings and have changed my eating habits. I will continue to do this and get fitter and healthier until I get this disease under control and that is thanks to you mate. My best wishes go to you and your family for opening my eyes......
     
  15. sueycl

    sueycl · Member

    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    23
    so sorry to hear how you're feeling Kevin. I hope and pray what I'm about to say doesn't sound hard,uncaring,etc.. BUT at the very least you have time with your beloved son and wife. I hope you can share time together, and I hope you are able to be close,and you can tell them how much you love them. Andthey can do the same for you. However long you have, every day will be a gift. I can't imagine how you cope, but you can love them, this will help them so much if your time is coming soon rather than later. I'm 57 and I really don't feel well, I came on D.UK to get advice on ketone levels, so I'm not blathering on as someone with no idea or experience. There was a poem around years ago, called 'give them the flowers now', it pointed out the sadness in buying flowers after, I think, a Mum had died. I hope your pain can be lessened, and I hope your days are full of love,

    Sue xxxxx
     
  16. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

    Messages:
    711
    Likes Received:
    1,332
    Trophy Points:
    158
    This post is not for the empathetic caring, patient and understanding, but more for those who don't understand the physical, emotional and spiritual difficulties I am trying to cope with on a day to day basis, here is an insight into Why and How I am Dying aged just 52. with a wife and son to leave behind,

    Aged just 16, but with my 17th birthday just 2 weeks away, I arrived at my Army training base, full of dreams, full of plans, and weighing just under 9 stones dripping wet,

    It took a whole 2 hours for the bullying to start,

    No this wasn't simple name calling, or a bit of shoving around,

    No, this was full blown Torture, this was beatings, humiliations, more beatings, psychological billing, and Rape. ! Yes you did read right,

    My Army career was no where near as long as I hoped,

    Going home to mum and dad, I had decided to bulk up a bit, thinking being a little bigger would prevent bullying, and eating more was hardly difficult, I. always had liked my food, the plan was to make 11 stone,

    Reaching that target came easy, very easy, and very very quickly, be fore I really knew it,I had reached almost 15 stone, and unfortunately, I stayed around that wrought for quite a lot of years, and not being a soldier, and not being fit led to a w hole host of problems, but despite the obvious warnings, despite the valuable advice from Drs and other Medical Professionals, eating anything and everything to extremes.

    Even becoming Diabetic wasn't enough of a warning, and many many halfheartedly attempts at dieting, and no effort at all towards exercising, led me to the approach of my 36th Birthday, this one wasn't to be a Joyous one either as just two days before my birthday, . I suffered 2 Strokes, and also 2 massive fits, Epilepsy brought on by the strokes, .

    You would think that I'd learn right ?

    No folks, this is me we're talking about, even a full blown stroke didn't warn me,

    I trained as a Nurse, a Psychiatric Nurse but still a Nurse, did that warn me, did that teach me to eat well, and to Excercise, No folks not even that taught me a lesson,

    See nothing ever does, with me enough, is never enough, not 1 or. 2 cobs or sandwiches for lunch, but 3 or 4, with crisps and a cake too most days,

    Obviously I wasn't even going to stay at 15 stone, I have to tell you that earlier this year, before I was hospitalized I had reached over 22 stones, yes 22. !

    That was less than a month before I went into hospital, on the previous admission the Paramedics refused to carry me, and despite being unable to stand, they made me crawl on my backside to the stairs outside the flat, and Down all 14 steps on my BACKSIDE !

    Even that wasn't enough warning and I still ate pretty much what I wanted,

    Lots of you won't know some of the effects of being so overweight, such as Erectile dysfunction, and worse still a loss of sexual appetite, My poor wife, still continues to love me, even years later, and yes we can still be intimate, but she has put up with an awful lot, this being one of the worst things, Remember this if your eating yourself silly as . I did, do you really want to lose all your sex drive, and miss the moments of passion with your partner, just think about that,

    I'll post this Now before I accidently lose it all, and then I'll carry on typing more of this account of how I Sentenced myself to death,
     
    • Like Like x 2
  17. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

    Messages:
    711
    Likes Received:
    1,332
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Sorry Folks, had a few PMs to send, too Tired to finish, so will finish previous post tomorrow's being well, Goodnight All,
     
  18. Carbdodger

    Carbdodger · Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    102
    Likes Received:
    7
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Still thinking of you and your family. Hugs. Cd
     
  19. NicolaB70

    NicolaB70 · Guest

    Hi Kevin

    Just to let you know you and your wonderful family are still in my thoughts too. I find you an inspiration. Despite the pain in your in, you have shared your story with us, thank you. Take care my friend.
    Hugs
    Nicola x

    Sent from my KFTT using DCUK Forum mobile app
     
  20. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

    Messages:
    711
    Likes Received:
    1,332
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Thanks Ladies,

    I am so pleased that your still reading the thread, thank you both for your kindness and your support, both Wendie and I are overwhelmed by the Love and Empathy here in the forum,

    Warmest Regards and a Big Hug from us both,
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  • Meet the Community

    Find support, connect with others, ask questions and share your experiences with people with diabetes, their carers and family.

    Did you know: 7 out of 10 people improve their understanding of diabetes within 6 months of being a Diabetes Forum member. Get the Diabetes Forum App and stay connected on iOS and Android

    Grab the app!
  • Tweet with us

  • Like us on Facebook